Disability Archives - So About What I Said

Wednesday, February 3, 2021

My Essay on HealthyWomen: “Melissa Blake Is Disabled and Proud of It”

My first piece of 2021 came out this week!! I wrote about four disability truths I want you to know for HealthyWomen — a publication I’ve never written for before!! Consider this your perfect primer on disabled people. And that headline says it all: “Melissa Blake Is Disabled and Proud of It”

I’ve written a lot about disability misconceptions before and sometimes, I really wish I didn’t have to in the first place, you know? Half the time, I feel like a broken record because I’m just repeating myself. Over and over and over.

And over.

As you can imagine, it’s just incredibly frustrating because some people still don’t get it. Why, I wonder?? Why don’t they listen to us, the disabled people who — surprise, surprise — know exactly what we’re talking about?? After all, disability is something we live with day in and day out; I mean, we’re the experts here!

Here’s an excerpt of the piece, in which I reveal four truths I wish everyone knew about the disability community…

When I was young, I found myself internalizing a lot of these messages, especially as a teenager. I felt unworthy and constantly compared myself to my non-disabled peers. But as I’ve gotten older, I’ve grown more self-confident in my disabled body. And that new sense of confidence — and, yes, pride! — have helped me become an activist, pushing back against ableism and all those harmful, outdated narratives about what it’s like to live with a disability.
Being disabled is part of my identity and always will be. Speaking up about ableism is one of the greatest joys of my life; my hope for a brighter, less ableist future is the reason I continue to be so visible and vocal, especially on social media — to educate, to stomp out ableism and, yes, to clap back at ignorant internet trolls. Maybe someday, we’ll live in a world where I’m not seen as “other” and “less than.”

Listen to us!! That’s what disabled people need right now. I feel like we’re so often dismissed by society, underestimated by society and just generally left out. But we have a voice and so much ableism could be eliminated if people would just LISTEN to us!

Here’s the thing about me: I’ll never stop speaking out. My voice matters and disabled people demand to be heard, seen and accepted just as we are! Because remember…

“Melissa Blake Is Disabled and Proud of It”

You can read the full piece here and I’d love to hear your thoughts. Feel free to email me anytime at mellow1422@aol.com and let’s chat! And of course, feel free to share my essay on Facebook, Twitter or even your local refrigerator. If you share on Twitter, be sure to tag me @melissablake so I see your tweet and we can connect! I can’t wait to hear from you! Love you all… xoxo

Monday, December 21, 2020

My Essay on CNN Opinion: “This New Holiday Movie Would Have Changed Everything For My Teenage Self”

So…did you all watch Lifetime’s new holiday movie “Christmas Ever After” last weekend??

I saw the ad for it a couple months ago and screamed with joy! We are FINALLY getting disability representation in these movies! THIS IS HUGE, especially for rom-coms! I’ve ranted and written about this so much over the years, so to see it actually happening is…WOW.

DOUBLE WOW

TRIPLE WOW

INFINITY WOW

ALL THE WOWS

And, I’m so happy that my last byline of 2020 is from CNN Opinion!! Seeing Ali Stroker starring in this holiday movie rom-com was a big win for disability representation and I was here for it!

Here’s an excerpt of the piece, in which I plead to give disabled people our meet-cutes already…

Indeed, this movie isn’t just groundbreaking because it stars a disabled actress. It’s also groundbreaking because the movie is about love and romance, which is something you don’t see much of when it comes to characters with disabilities. Disabled people are very often viewed as asexual by our culture and this is reflected in the ways we see people with disabilities portrayed in movies and TV.
These views are all too often made through the ableist lens by non-disabled people, leading to inaccurate and sometimes-insulting assumptions about how disabled people actually live. There’s this societal misconception that disabled people don’t or can’t fall in love and have relationships just like non-disabled people. The total absence of social messages when I was growing up that women with disabilities can be sexy constantly left me feeling like romance wasn’t something that could ever happen for me or that there must be something wrong with me.

I love rom-coms, but where’s the female disabled lead?

That was the question I asked in one of my very first published pieces this year. I’m so happy that I got to answer that question in my final piece of the year!!

These types of full-circle moments are my absolute favorite

Saturday, December 19, 2020

My Essay on Refinery29: Why I Spent A Year Posting Selfies

Hi, friends!! How are you? I’ve got a whole bunch of new published pieces to share with you, so I thought now would be the perfect time to do just that! First up is an essay I wrote for Refinery29 about my favorite topic in all the world: Selfies

Back in September, I knew that I wanted to write about what I learned from a year of posting selfies and I’m SO proud of this piece and I’m so glad I got to tell this story! I grew up feeling different (and looking different) from people my age, which definitely impacted my self-image. With my selfies, it’s like I’m having a conversation with my younger self, telling her all the things I wish I had known back when I was a teenager.

I started posting selfies as a defiant response to trolls…sort of saying “You don’t want to see my photos? I’m going to post one EVERY DAY! What do you think of that?”

Yes, friends, the quickest way to get me to do something is to tell me NOT to do it.

It’s like I wrote in the piece, selfies are a powerful thing for disabled people — and especially for disabled women. It’s a way to open up the conversation about what it means to live life with a disability, but it’s also a way to take back the narrative and take up space in a society that doesn’t want to include us AT ALL

Here’s an excerpt of the piece, in which I reflect on how my selfies weren’t just for me, but in support of the entire disability community…

I may have started this year of selfies for myself, but I soon realized that these selfies weren’t just about me. Other disabled people told me they identified with my words, too, and they began posting selfies of their own. They started sharing their stories and showing the world who they are. I’ve often felt very alone as a disabled person and for the first time, I was seeing the disability community taking our rightful place at society’s table. Finally, I was seeing people like me — people who weren’t ashamed of who they are — and it was one of the most glorious things I’ve ever experienced.
We don’t typically think of selfies as being a revolutionary act or even political, but they are, especially in 2020. It’s a way of taking back my power and painting a more accurate picture of disability.

For this piece, the Refinery29 designers created this really cool selfies collage and I absolutely love it. Not just because it’s a great visual representation of the last year of my life, but because it’s amazing disability representation!

These selfies are for every single disabled person.

These selfies are a statement.

Our lives and our stories matter.

A special thank you to all the trolls for helping me learn these lessons! Something tells me I’m going to keep posting daily selfies…at least for awhile longer! Never let anyone tell you that selfies don’t matter. They do!

Tuesday, November 3, 2020

It’s Election Day: Here’s Why Your Vote Matters

Well, friends, the important day is finally here. Election Day. Truthfully, I’ve been counting down the days for the last four years! Why? Because to say this is a crucial election is an understatement…

Did you vote early?? I voted a couple weeks ago and it was a powerful experience. When I voted in the primary back in March, the pandemic had just begun. Now, it’s seven months later. We’re still in the pandemic and 232K people have died from COVID. I voted for those 232K people who never got to see another election.

In 2020, there’s an overwhelming sense of urgency that we just can’t ignore. It’s incredibly palpable — we feel it and see it and guess what?? It should move us to action and to the voting booth even quicker; something has to change because our country, our democracy, can’t take four more years of what we’ve been living.

Remember that Biden Town Hall from a couple months ago? The former vice president was visibly angry at the state of this country and that was SO refreshing to see from a politician. With everything Trump has done, politicians on both sides of the aisle are still like “eh, what are you gonna do?”

We should be angry. All of us.

So you know what we’re going to do??? We’re going to VOTE because our lives and our futures depend on it.

I don’t know how to make this any more clear, but now is NOT the time for third-party or write-in votes. We can’t afford a repeat of 2016. The only statement your “protest vote” makes is one about your privilege.

Make no mistake: A third-party vote IS a vote for Trump.

Period. Full stop.

Reminder that you can’t vote for Trump and still say you care about disabled people like me. I’m not just voting for myself. I’m voting on behalf of all disabled people. I’m voting for the future that I want to see in my lifetime — a future where disabled people are accepted and inclusion isn’t an after-thought, where our full personhood is recognized.

Voting is an enormous responsibility and I’ve never taken that lightly. Our world feels so out of control right now, but voting is one thing we all can do to take back some of that control. We all have a say in our future!

SPEAK UP

BE COUNTED

VOTE

I talk about politics a lot because the personal is political.

As a disabled woman, I’m excited to be voting for Joe Biden. Disabled people deserve a president who doesn’t mock them, but instead will fight for their human rights and dignity.

That shouldn’t be too much to ask.

President Biden and Vice President Harris: Coming to an America near you in 2021. Are you READY??? xoxo

P.S. Earlier today, I chatted LIVE on Facebook with Senator Bob Casey from Pennsylvania!! We talked about why this Election Day is so critical for people with disabilities. You can watch the video here.

[Top photo from Joe Biden official site]

Monday, October 12, 2020

Have You Heard?? Disabled Women Are Hot AF…

If you’ve been reading this blog for awhile, then you already know how much I love, well, LOVE. But even more than just love, I love writing about/talking about/obsessing over the intersection between love and disabilities!!! It’s pretty much my favorite thing ever. Why, you ask? Well, for a very simple fact that the rest of the world is (maybe?) starting to realize: Disabled women are hot…

Flashback to my early 20s: I once believed I was the girl who would never be seen as some guy’s catch. I felt invisible and thought “You know your disability will just get in the way. Why would he find you attractive?”

There’s this pervasive societal perception that women with disabilities aren’t sexy and can’t possibly have romantic relationships.

Shame on society!! Because here’s the truth: Y’all need to start thinking of disabled women as viable romantic partners!!

Why don’t we talk more about dating and disabilities? The fact that asking a disabled person on a date isn’t even on some people’s radar is subtle ableism at its finest.

And by finest, I mean gross.

One of the most straight-up ableist things I hate is how people assume that disabled people aren’t interested in romantic relationships. Or even worse, that we’re not worthy partners. It’s the EXACT reason I wrote an entire Glamour essay about it.

I took all my disgust and frustration and channeled it into words, which is what I usually do when those strong feelings are a-stirring and a-pulling at my heartstrings!

So…

Disabled women shouldn’t post thirst trap photos?

Disabled women shouldn’t slide into DMs?

Every time I talk about dating, people say “you have to be happy with yourself. You don’t need a man.” I feel like we say this to disabled people so much more than non-disabled people.

I mean, I don’t need ice cream either, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want it. Ice cream is downright DELICIOUS.

In my 20s, I worried how my disability would figure into romantic relationships. I feared having to “explain myself” and assumed that guys thought dating someone like me was too much to ask. I struggled with self-confidence and becoming comfortable in my own body and with my disability was a process. It most certainly wasn’t an overnight transformation! Learning self-love is a lifelong process, something that I’m constantly practicing and will be for the rest of my life!

But today, in my late 30s, yeah, I still worry…sometimes. But I also know I’m hot AF and worthy of romantic love just like anyone else! It’s been quite the happy revelation, to say the least.

Plus, you know what else is making me incredibly happy right now?? Seeing other disabled women talking about dating and disabilities!! Be sure to check out Alex Dacy (aka Wheelchair Rapunzel) on Instagram, where she talks openly about being a disabled woman and has so many of the same thoughts and feelings that I do.

I was chatting with a writer friend recently who said that she appreciates my candor in talking about dating and disabilities!!

This just made my heart soar because no one talked about dating and disability when I was growing up. I want to be that voice for young people, so to see us having these conversations now is huge!!

I once wrote these words in my journal: “Guys just don’t like girls in wheelchairs. Or with any sort of disability, it seems.”

Can we please prove past me wrong in 2020…?? Dating a disabled woman shouldn’t be intimidating or scary or out of the question. It should be realistic relationship goals!! Disabled women ARE worthy romantic partners! Disabled women are hot…

Get it together, boys…y’all are MISSING OUT! Thank you for coming to my TED Talk… xoxo