Disability Archives - So About What I Said

Tuesday, June 23, 2020

Dear Trolls: We Are NOT the Labels You Place on Us

Think about this question for a moment, friends: When was the last time someone made you feel less than or unworthy?? And also, why is it that online trolls seem to come out of the woodwork in spurts lately??

You all know that I’m no stranger to trolls and their sad, pitiful, pathetic shenanigans. Heck, I even got a viral tweet because of their behavior. But even though I’m no stranger to their taunts and tormenting, their words still sting. I don’t like to admit that; I’m not proud of the fact that sometimes, I let their words get to me more than I probably should.

Lately, though, these trolls have seemed to be around more than usual. Maybe they’re bored in quarantine? Maybe they’re just unhappy with their own life? I’m not sure what their reasoning is, but lately, I’ve seen such ableism when it comes to their taunts.

So, as a disabled person, I’m just here to remind those trolls that people with disabilities don’t exist for their chuckles. A couple weeks ago, I got several messages from people who were excited to let me know that my viral tweet was featured on some humor site.

Over 3K comments and it’s obvious whoever posted it did so as a joke. Not cool and not funny at all. I saw the word ugly over and over, along with these other gems. Y’all seriously need to check yourself and your ableism.

It was disheartening to read those comments, but it reminded me that even in 2020, the disabled are still considered less than. People to mock. And sometimes, we’re not even considered people in the first place.

And don’t even get me started on what it’s like being a woman writer on the internet. File under The Cost of Being a Woman Writer on the Internet: When I got this “fan mail” in my inbox once, my first thought was, “Oh, like I haven’t heard this one a million times already! Maybe try something a little more original next time?”

Really, though, the joke’s on them because blobfish can live up to 130 years!!! I’m not going anywhere!!! Thank you, next.

Seriously, though, this is the reality of being a woman — and especially a woman writer. This is how women are treated and it’s not OK. When was the last time you saw a male writer criticized, mocked or taunted for their appearance? Spoiler alert: They’re usually not. Not nearly as often as women are.

Over the weekend, I got to thinking about all those cruel words I’ve heard lately — words like ugly, whale, fat and, yes, blobfish. What did I do, you ask?

I made that graphic above — my photo surrounded by actual comments trolls have left about me. I’ve got quite the collection, as you can see here! This is a reminder that we’re NOT the labels people place on us. People will talk. People will say things. But guess what? We don’t have to listen. They don’t get to tell us who we are.

Many of you have commented that I shouldn’t have blurred out the names of those trolls. Here’s the thing: I don’t need to reveal their names to call them out. I think it’s more important to focus on what they said as opposed to who they are. After all, who they are doesn’t matter.

I’m going to keep calling them out too. Not all of them because, let’s face it, there are a lot and only 24 hours in a day, but I make a point to call out the most horrific ones. That’s always been important to me and just one of the ways I speak up.

One more thing worth noting about trolls: I’ve been on social media for more than a decade, so I’ve seen A LOT. But I’ve never seen (and experienced) as much toxic ridicule and straight-up bullying as I have in the last four years. The fact that this coincides with Trump’s presidency is no coincidence. It’s telling. I’ve said this before and I’ll keep saying it: He’s encouraged and emboldened this disgusting behavior.

In the end, the trolls may say that I’m “ugly as hell,” but the joke is on them because I’m feeling GOOD AS HELL. And come on, “Ugly” looks pretty darn cute in a flower crown too!!! xoxo

Wednesday, June 3, 2020

My Essay on Rooted In Rights: “Facebook Avatars Are Fun…But They’re Definitely Not Disability-Inclusive”

Remember two weeks ago when everyone was posting their Facebook avatars?? When I saw friend after friend sharing their adorable, hip selves in cartoon form, I was naturally curious to see what all the fun and fuss was about. So, I clicked a few buttons, chose a few facial and fashion features and…voila!

The result? My avatar looked nothing like me. For my third piece for Rooted In Rights, I wrote about how the cute avatars fail when it comes to disability inclusion.

Sure, I had the polo shirt and Big Hair Energy, but it was incredibly disappointing to find out that there wasn’t a way to show my disability, though. My wheelchair is a huge part of who I am. In fact, there weren’t any assistive devices, which is pretty ableist and not at all inclusive.

Here’s an excerpt of the piece, in which I make the case for the importance of inclusion and how disability representation matters, even in Facebook avatar form…

Disabled people deserve to be represented just like everyone else. All too often, disability inclusion is an after-thought – things become more inclusive only after disabled people speak up and demand change. It would be great to live in a world where this inclusion is part of the plan from the very beginning.
Facebook Avatars may seem like a small thing, but making them more inclusive will show people with disabilities in a better, more accurate way. We’ve got places to go and things to do and our walkers, canes, and wheelchairs help us get there. Those devices deserve just as much prominence as our hair color or eye color.
I’d wanted to create the best version of myself with my avatar, but as it turns out, that was impossible. Without my wheelchair or any representation of my disability, that redheaded, polo shirt-wearing woman just wasn’t me at all.

AND…thanks to the talents of someone on Twitter, my wheelchair is now included in my Facebook avatar!!! Isn’t it perfect?? I took one look at it and immediately exclaimed, “YESSSSSS, this is me!!!”

You can read the full piece here and I’d love to hear your thoughts. Feel free to email me anytime at mellow1422@aol.com and let’s chat! And of course, feel free to share my essay on Facebook, Twitter or even your local refrigerator. If you share on Twitter, be sure to tag me @melissablake so we can connect! I can’t wait to hear from you! Love you all… xoxo

Monday, June 1, 2020

Why I Want You to See My Wheelchair In Photos

“It’s not cool to be in a wheelchair.”

“No one wants to be in a wheelchair.”

“A disability isn’t something to be proud of.”

These are just some of the ableist things people have said to me. Obviously, I didn’t listen because I was far too busy LOVING my disabled body!!! Please, don’t be like these people, but if you ARE one of those people: Let’s talk about disability and pride for a minute!

After my viral tweet, I noticed something very interesting: I don’t have many photos that show my whole wheelchair. Can you believe that, friends? It was quite a shock, to say the least, because my wheelchair is a huge part of my life. Why is that, I wondered?? Maybe part of the reason is because I take so many selfies and lost one of those cool selfie sticks that my cousin gave us a couple years ago.

Whatever the reason, I’ve been on a mission to change that, to make my wheelchair just as much a part of a photo as my smiling face or my red hair. In fact, I even wrote about my wheelchair last fall in which I shared all the things my wheelchair has allowed me to do in life. Some people see a wheelchair as a prison, as something that holds you back, but you know what? My wheelchair has given me life. It’s given me freedom. It’s liberated me from the constraints of my disability. Without these fab and fast wheels, I wouldn’t have been able to work on my college newspaper, graduated college or teach the journalists of tomorrow as a newspaper adviser.

In other words: I wouldn’t be ME without it. So I’m always surprised and, frankly, angry when I see people fail to see just how important mobility devices are for disabled people. Do you think your legs are a prison? Do you feel confined by them?

Of course not! The same is true of my wheelchair. They’re my legs and I wouldn’t be able to live a full life without it.

Last year, I wrote an op-ed about the new wheelchair Barbie, so when I spotted her in the store over Christmas, I just had to take a selfie of us together! If for no other reason than to show my younger self and other disabled kids that they’re seen & they matter. Isn’t that awesome?!?!?

So look out, world…Barbie and I are rolling into a new era. And we’re here for disability representation!! I love my wheelchair and I’m proud to be disabled. Here I am, world. Who’s with me??? xoxo

Wednesday, April 29, 2020

My Articles In Variety: On Diversity and Inclusion In Hollywood

OK, friends, I have a rather embarrassing confession to make, courtesy of a random thought that just popped into my head over the weekend: There is still one published piece that I haven’t shared with you yet. I know, I know…I’m terribly sorry! It’s a pretty big piece, too, which is why it’s so weird that I never posted about it. Anyway, I’m so honored to have two articles in Variety’s special feature on diversity and inclusion in Hollywood. And honestly?? I still can’t believe I got to write them…

Both pieces were in the November 2018 print issue of Variety — you know, the entertainment bible on all things TV and movies; it’s the industry insider for anyone in the entertainment business!! You all know how much I absolutely LOVE writing for print (guess I’m still old-school like that…), but the two pieces are also online and it was fun (and somewhat terrifying at first) to get back to my journalism roots of interviewing and reporting!!

First up, I interviewed Norman Lear about the Media Access Awards, which celebrate depictions of disability in film, television and new media…

After a brief hiatus, producers Deborah Calla and Allen Rucker revived the awards in 2010 and, this year, formed an important partnership with Easterseals.
“The Media Access Awards is the gold standard in celebrating inclusion best practices, and we look forward to being a part of its continued success,” said Easterseals Southern California president and CEO Mark Whitley.
Today the MAA covers new media as well as film and TV, and has backing from the guilds and other industry orgs.
Even in 2018, despite strides made in disability representation, the MAA remains an important event, especially as a vehicle for highlighting a vast pool of talent that isn’t being used enough and to show the importance of inclusion, says Calla.
“We get to see people with disabilities as human beings, and to reflect the world as it is — with all colors of the rainbow,” she says.

You can read the full article here.

And for the second article, I interviewed the founder and participants of the Disability Film Challenge, a yearly event that gives filmmakers with disabilities the the opportunity to tell unique stories that showcase disability in its many forms. You might even remember when I interviewed founder Nic Novicki on this very blog a couple years ago — what a small world!

During the weekend-long event, participants write, shoot and edit three- to five-minute short films based an assigned genre. The filmmakers are not required to include disability in the story, but each team must include at least one person with a disability.
“The films are starting to reach the desks of casting directors, writers and producers,” says Novicki, “which has led to jobs for our participants, including one actress earning a recurring role on the upcoming season of ‘Loudermilk.’ ”
Novicki sees power in the future too — for both the disability community and the industry as a whole.
“Through it all, we’re building lasting, working relationships across the entertainment industry and advancing greater disability inclusion on and off the screen,” he says.

You can read the full article here.

Seeing the issue of disability representation in the spotlight makes my heart sing because diversity and inclusion in Hollywood is SO important! People with disabilities make up 20 percent of the population. We’re living and working and have fought hard for our seat at the table. We’re not going anywhere and there’s comfort and power in knowing so many people are fighting with us!

I’d love to hear your thoughts. Feel free to email me anytime at mellow1422@aol.com and let’s chat! And of course, feel free to share my essay on Facebook, Twitter or even your local refrigerator. If you share on Twitter, be sure to tag me @melissablake so I see your tweet and we can connect! I can’t wait to hear from you! Love you all and here’s to diversity and inclusion in Hollywood… xoxo

Monday, March 2, 2020

My Essay on The Week: “I Love Rom-Coms, But Where’s the Female Disabled Lead?”

When was the last time you saw a disabled woman as the lead in rom-coms?

That’s the question I explore in my latest piece for The Week, where I explored things like love and disability and the “disabled people are asexual” stereotype. I love rom-coms, but the lack of representation is staggering. It’s TIME to have a disabled woman as the lead.

In fact, I’ve spent so much time lately reconciling my love of rom-coms with their lack of diversity, especially when it comes to disability representation. Maybe it’s the result of being older? Because I certainly never asked these types of questions when I was a teenager watching my favorite love stories play out on screen. I pictured myself as the main character as she falls in love with the dashing male lead.

Well, not anymore, friends. Granted, I still watch said movies, but I no longer see myself in the female leads. And that’s a huge problem.

Here’s an excerpt of the piece, in which I remind society, YET AGAIN, of all the things disabled people are and what they’re not. You’d think people would catch on by now, but…

Of course I want to see people like me on the screen, but I also want the able-bodied world to see people like me on the screen. Contrary to that age-old stereotype, disabled people aren’t asexual beings who live in solitude. I would love for the whole world to see that, yes, we deserve love — and our own rom-com plot lines — just like everyone else.
Our society has a long history of telling people with disabilities that we’re not pretty. I was reminded of that recently when I was told I was too ugly to post selfies — I clapped back with this viral tweet. I can’t help but think that featuring people with disabilities more in mainstream culture — in movies, certainly — would counteract those ignorant, hurtful beliefs.