If you’ve been reading this blog for awhile, then you already know how much I love, well, LOVE. But even more than just love, I love writing about/talking about/obsessing over the intersection between love and disabilities!!! It’s pretty much my favorite thing ever. Why, you ask? Well, for a very simple fact that the rest of the world is (maybe?) starting to realize: Disabled women are hot…
Flashback to my early 20s: I once believed I was the girl who would never be seen as some guy’s catch. I felt invisible and thought “You know your disability will just get in the way. Why would he find you attractive?”
There’s this pervasive societal perception that women with disabilities aren’t sexy and can’t possibly have romantic relationships.
Shame on society!! Because here’s the truth: Y’all need to start thinking of disabled women as viable romantic partners!!
Why don’t we talk more about dating and disabilities? The fact that asking a disabled person on a date isn’t even on some people’s radar is subtle ableism at its finest.
And by finest, I mean gross.
One of the most straight-up ableist things I hate is how people assume that disabled people aren’t interested in romantic relationships. Or even worse, that we’re not worthy partners. It’s the EXACT reason I wrote an entire Glamour essay about it.
I took all my disgust and frustration and channeled it into words, which is what I usually do when those strong feelings are a-stirring and a-pulling at my heartstrings!
Disabled women shouldn’t post thirst trap photos?
Disabled women shouldn’t slide into DMs?
Every time I talk about dating, people say “you have to be happy with yourself. You don’t need a man.” I feel like we say this to disabled people so much more than non-disabled people.
I mean, I don’t need ice cream either, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want it. Ice cream is downright DELICIOUS.
In my 20s, I worried how my disability would figure into romantic relationships. I feared having to “explain myself” and assumed that guys thought dating someone like me was too much to ask. I struggled with self-confidence and becoming comfortable in my own body and with my disability was a process. It most certainly wasn’t an overnight transformation! Learning self-love is a lifelong process, something that I’m constantly practicing and will be for the rest of my life!
But today, in my late 30s, yeah, I still worry…sometimes. But I also know I’m hot AF and worthy of romantic love just like anyone else! It’s been quite the happy revelation, to say the least.
Plus, you know what else is making me incredibly happy right now?? Seeing other disabled women talking about dating and disabilities!! Be sure to check out Alex Dacy (aka Wheelchair Rapunzel) on Instagram, where she talks openly about being a disabled woman and has so many of the same thoughts and feelings that I do.
I was chatting with a writer friend recently who said that she appreciates my candor in talking about dating and disabilities!!
This just made my heart soar because no one talked about dating and disability when I was growing up. I want to be that voice for young people, so to see us having these conversations now is huge!!
I once wrote these words in my journal: “Guys just don’t like girls in wheelchairs. Or with any sort of disability, it seems.”
Can we please prove past me wrong in 2020…?? Dating a disabled woman shouldn’t be intimidating or scary or out of the question. It should be realistic relationship goals!! Disabled women ARE worthy romantic partners! Disabled women are hot…
Get it together, boys…y’all are MISSING OUT! Thank you for coming to my TED Talk… xoxo