If you’ve been reading this blog for awhile, then you already know how much I love, well, LOVE. But even more than just love, I love writing about/talking about/obsessing over the intersection between love and disabilities!!! It’s pretty much my favorite thing ever. Why, you ask? Well, for a very simple fact that the rest of the world is (maybe?) starting to realize: Disabled women are hot…
Flashback to my early 20s: I once believed I was the girl who would never be seen as some guy’s catch. I felt invisible and thought “You know your disability will just get in the way. Why would he find you attractive?”
There’s this pervasive societal perception that women with disabilities aren’t sexy and can’t possibly have romantic relationships.
Shame on society!! Because here’s the truth: Y’all need to start thinking of disabled women as viable romantic partners!!
Why don’t we talk more about dating and disabilities? The fact that asking a disabled person on a date isn’t even on some people’s radar is subtle ableism at its finest.
And by finest, I mean gross.
One of the most straight-up ableist things I hate is how people assume that disabled people aren’t interested in romantic relationships. Or even worse, that we’re not worthy partners. It’s the EXACT reason I wrote an entire Glamour essay about it.
I took all my disgust and frustration and channeled it into words, which is what I usually do when those strong feelings are a-stirring and a-pulling at my heartstrings!
Disabled women shouldn’t post thirst trap photos?
Disabled women shouldn’t slide into DMs?
Every time I talk about dating, people say “you have to be happy with yourself. You don’t need a man.” I feel like we say this to disabled people so much more than non-disabled people.
I mean, I don’t need ice cream either, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want it. Ice cream is downright DELICIOUS.
In my 20s, I worried how my disability would figure into romantic relationships. I feared having to “explain myself” and assumed that guys thought dating someone like me was too much to ask. I struggled with self-confidence and becoming comfortable in my own body and with my disability was a process. It most certainly wasn’t an overnight transformation! Learning self-love is a lifelong process, something that I’m constantly practicing and will be for the rest of my life!
But today, in my late 30s, yeah, I still worry…sometimes. But I also know I’m hot AF and worthy of romantic love just like anyone else! It’s been quite the happy revelation, to say the least.
Plus, you know what else is making me incredibly happy right now?? Seeing other disabled women talking about dating and disabilities!! Be sure to check out Alex Dacy (aka Wheelchair Rapunzel) on Instagram, where she talks openly about being a disabled woman and has so many of the same thoughts and feelings that I do.
I was chatting with a writer friend recently who said that she appreciates my candor in talking about dating and disabilities!!
This just made my heart soar because no one talked about dating and disability when I was growing up. I want to be that voice for young people, so to see us having these conversations now is huge!!
I once wrote these words in my journal: “Guys just don’t like girls in wheelchairs. Or with any sort of disability, it seems.”
Can we please prove past me wrong in 2020…?? Dating a disabled woman shouldn’t be intimidating or scary or out of the question. It should be realistic relationship goals!! Disabled women ARE worthy romantic partners! Disabled women are hot…
Get it together, boys…y’all are MISSING OUT! Thank you for coming to my TED Talk… xoxo
Melissa, your disability is not an obstacle, your disability does NOT get in the way, your body is wonderful, you are a wonderful and attractive woman, I love your cute and beautiful face, I love your wonderful and attractive body, You are a amazing woman! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Justin in Chicagoland says
You’re right when you say you’re “hot AF and worthy of romantic love just like anyone else.” Thank you for delving into myriad topics that many of us think about but perhaps haven’t articulated. Have the ice cream – and may it be DELICIOUS. 💕
Krysten Quiles says
Melissa you are such an amazing woman, I’m just in awe of you sometimes. You are beautiful, inside and out, and some lucky man is going to turn the corner and BAM. Romance. I feel it in my bones.
melissa, i read your blog about and i think you need to be the one to start asking men out. I read that you have said you havent been on a date ever?! time to change this in the new year…..you got this! instead of waiting and wondering you need to make this happen for you….i have two girlfriends who even proposed to their now husbands. wishing you well
Owen A. Forems says
I know you’re not gonna let this post be up for long, if at all, *because* what I’m going to say is the reality of dating a disabled person:
I dated a wheelchair-bound girl several years ago and it was one of the best relationships of my life, but it was that way because she had all the markings of somebody who was a catch. She was smart, kind, good looking and fun – it just happened to be that she was in a wheelchair. Let’s compare that to your wanna-be-imposing and aggressively ugly self and it’s easy to see why she was such a catch and you haven’t been on a date yet.
Again, I know that reality contradicts whatever is going on in your heads, but the truth is the truth, no matter how unpleasant.
You’re the one who’s ugly apparently.
Linda B. says
Unpopular opinion: Saying “disabled women are hot” is equally dumb as saying “muslims are terrorists” or simply “men are hot”. It’s a gross simplification and just not true. Not all muslims are terrorists (not even a significant percentage), not all men are by default hot – obviously not. Being disabled doesn’t make you hot, I’m sorry. Of course disabled people can be hot – since there is a huge variety when it comes to disability. But pretending disabled women are hot no matter what they look like is just ridiculous and doesn’t help anyone. By the way: That’s not ableist. I’m not questioning disabled peoples rights. I’m saying they’re not “all hot”. That’s called facing the truth.
Linda B. says
Oh, and condescendingly demanding from men to take you seriously as a potential romantic partner even if they’re not attracted to you … will definitely make them line up at your door. *sarcasm off*
Hi Melissa! keep up your great work and stay strong! you are so cool! greetings from germany!