Conversations With My Mom

We’ve been in quarantine now for almost three months! I’m incredibly lucky and I’m grateful every day that I get to be with my mom and sister, but there’s one thing no one tells you about spending 24/7 with your family: conversations with my mom are epic!!

And by epic, what I really mean is “I couldn’t make this stuff up if I tried” doozies!! And we’ve had some doozies, let me tell you!! If this were a Hallmark movie, my mom and I would be curled up on the couch, cup of cocoa in hand, talking about how the last few months have brought us so much closer together. We’d be sharing secrets and revelations about each other, swapping stories we’d never told the other. But this isn’t a Hallmark movie and, honestly, my mom and I are more like classic mother-daughter duo Sophia and Dorothy from The Golden Girls — we’re pretty much a well-oiled machine at this point, full of witty and sarcastic banter and able to complete each other’s sentences without missing a beat.

Maybe that’s why we’ve had some of the best, most hilarious back-and-forth conversations while we’ve been home together. So in true journalist form, I’ve been chronicling them all. They’re filled with sarcastic zingers. They’re heavy on the humor. And my mom’s trademark eye-rolls practically leap off the screen.

Don’t believe me? Here’s a sample, so you can all judge for yourself…

Mom: Do you want extra sauce on your spaghetti?

Me: I’m the only one who can be extra saucy around here!!

Mom: Do you like lima beans??

Me: No, I only like Josh Lyman…

Me: Why do cats puff up their tails??

Mom: So they can look tougher and braver than they really are.

Me: Oh, just like Trump!

Me: What kind of cheese is this?

Mom: It’s sharp cheddar

Me: Oh, sharp…just like my wit

Mom: That’s right (as she smirks and rolls her eyes)

Mom: The frosting on that cake is sweet.

Me: Ooooh, just like me!

Mom: Well, you’ve got some sass too (again, she rolls her eyes)

And, a personal favorite that just happened tonight…

Mom: Is Trump giving a speech tonight?

Me: I’m not sure. Is something wrong with your Google? And, no, that is not a euphemism

Like I said, we’ve got great comedic timing. I’m thinking we should take our act on the road. I mean, Bert and Ernie have been a crowd favorite of all ages for years and my mom and I are just like them, remember? This photo illustrates our relationship perfectly. There’s me (Ernie) saying something perhaps a bit out there and my mom (Bert) just looking like she’s completely over it all. I think a lot of other mothers and their daughters could relate to that, don’t you think?

Have you been having any interesting conversations with your loved one during quarantine? What have you been talking about? Deep, soul-searching topics or more of the light-hearted variety, friends?? xoxo

P.S. Thanks for everything over the last three months! I love you, Ma…