It happens every single year. In fact, I’ve sort of come to dread it every October. I’m sitting at my desk, which we all know is really just our kitchen table, and I’m typing away, hard at work. It’s the late afternoon — at that time of day when the sun starts hanging low in the sky, producing a radiant amber glow behind the trees across the street — those are said trees, above. Inevitably, my concentration will wane, I’ll look up and see it. The realization will hit me in the pit of my stomach: The falling leaves are changing color. The trees are becoming bare. And, frankly, it’s making me all kinds of sad.
I’ve always had a love-hate relationship with the fall, and lately, it seems to be veering more toward hate than anything else. And every time — EVERY TIME! — I see those falling leaves, I can’t help but think how everything is changing. The change to autumn is one giant metaphor about life, if you ask me. Things change. People change. People leave. Sometimes, it can feel like we’re powerless to do anything about it. Just like I sit at my window and watch the world change outside, it’s easy to feel like all we can do is sit and watch the world go by — all we can really do is sit there and watch the world change before our very eyes. It can be disconcerting and overwhelming, can’t it?
Of course, I’m sure my aversion to all things autumn probably has something to do with my father. This is about the time of year that he first got sick in 2002, so seeing the leaves and feeling the cooler weather is obviously bringing back a ton of memories; I mean, we all know how powerful sense memories can be, right? Plus, this is also the time my major depression began to take hold in 2010. Yikes! Needless to say, this really isn’t a fun time of year for me, apparently.
So how do I change my outlook? How do I look outside, at those red and orange and yellow leaves and NOT feel that pang of sadness? I sure wish I had some wise words to share right about now, but I’m not sure I do. Maybe all we can do is surround ourselves with the people who makes us remember who we are — those family and friends who love us unconditionally. That, and remember that spring will come and the world will wake up again. And, on a lighthearted note, I’m sure posing with some flower crown filters can’t hurt, either.
Do you ever feel sad during the fall, friends? How do you deal and what sorts of things always make you feel better? What are some things we can do to ENJOY this time of year?? Let’s chat, shall we…?? xoxo
P.S. Here are 50 fun fall activities to get you started!
Mom says
You are loved!
Emily says
I hate that fall has such sad memories for you. I guess those feelings may never go completely away, but finding activities that are only available in fall, finding some fall-ish things to love, will help ease that heartache and make you like the season a little more.