MEMO TO MEN: 5 Ways Men Are Like the Stock Market

MEMORANDUM
TO: Men all over the planet
FROM: Melissa
RE: The Stock Market & Dating
DATE: January 25, 2017

Editor’s Note: Oh, boys, just so no one gets a case of the hurt feelings here, I’m not trying to insult or demean you in any way! My goal is merely to make an observation that I’ve been noticing for years now: Men are like the stock market. In fact, these things could be said of women as well — and I’m sure some of you have even said them before. So no hard feelings, OK?

In this time of economic crisis and downright political uncertainty, we’re all scared and confused and worried about our money. Heck, I’ve even started contemplating buying one of those walk-in safes at the bank just to store all my loot. Everyone is losing. And fast.

Hmmmm, does that remind you of anything else? Losing. Heartbreak. Confusion.

Indeed, apparently, it’s also a very scary time to fall in love — and just generally be in love, for that matter. Heck, I don’t even have to have all that much experience to know that it’s a tough world out there. A tough world, indeed. Hearts are breaking all over the place and we’re left to try to figure out this crazy mystery known as love. But did you ever think that something as abstract as love/men could be similar to something so concrete as…the stock market? Oh, it’s true! Don’t believe me? Here are 5 ways men are just like the grand old stock market…

They’re fickle: Sometimes they’re up and sometimes they’re down. And of course, they can be incredibly unpredictable; I mean, I’ve spent the better part of my life desperately trying to understand them…to no avail, obviously! I’m pretty sure there’s a HUGE market if someone wanted to invent some sort of device that could make predictions about their behavior — you know, in case anyone wants to get on that or anything.

You have to take risks to get the return: This is one I’m forever trying to master this one. Risk-taking has never really been my thing; you all know I pride myself on being a pretty cautious girl. But, I suppose, like any good stock investment, you have to take some risk to see the payoff in the long run. It’s something I’m learning, at least.

Take a chance on a start-up: We may not be able to predict the future definitively, but if history is any indication, great things have come from small companies — and sometimes, this includes those companies that people don’t believe will be around long. The moral here: Take a chance on someone!

Know when to cash in: I’m beginning to feel like this thing called ‘hanging on’ in love is entirely overrated, you know? What’s the sense in waiting around, hoping that maybe someday someone will change and see the light of your awesomeness! As Kenny Rogers once quipped…

You’ve got to know when to hold ’em
Know when to fold ’em
Know when to walk away
And know when to run

Diversify your dating portfolio: It’s NO SECRET that I have the habit of falling for the same type of guy. Over and over, really. It’s a very delicate pattern I’ve woven over the years — one that, I’m afraid, is pretty dangerous, too. And this same pattern? Well, it hasn’t really gotten me anywhere, so I probably shouldn’t be putting all my betting money in once basket, if you know what I mean!

There you have it, boys! A little advice from my heart to yours. What do you think? Do you agree? Disagree? What’s your dating portfolio looking like these days? xoxo

[Photos via We Heart It]