I hate my disability right now. I always thought I had come to terms with it and even learned to love it, but now it just makes me feel useless, like some giant waste of space. What is my purpose? How can I be a contributing member of society? I just want to make my family proud, and I feel like I’m letting them down.
I worry about my family. I feel so traumatized by my father’s death, and I’m scared that those panicky feelings are never going to go away. I don’t want to be alone. I don’t want to feel like I’m sinking. But at the same time, I also don’t want to be a burden to the people I love the most in the whole world. We used to be so happy — nothing bad, it seemed, ever happened to us — and now I don’t know how we’ll ever make it to the other side of this journey. I need my family. I need them more than they probably even realize. I need them to tell me everything is going to be OK. I need them to love me. I need them to hold onto me so I can just stop sinking. And sometimes, I just want to sit with them and cry — cry on their shoulders and just get all my worries out.