MEMO TO MEN: The Heart-Pumping Paradox

MEMORANDUM
TO: Men all over the planet
FROM: Melissa
RE: Awkward as a teenager
DATE: April 18th, 2016

Boys, I think I’ve realized something: Although I appear rather mysterious, where I don’t exactly tell you straight-up how I feel about you, if you look really closely, all the signs are probably there.

Translation: My body language will give me away. Every. Single. Time.

No, I’m not talking about that sort of body language! After all, I am a prude, remember? I’m talking about those nonverbal cues — you know, lots of fidgeting, visibly sweaty palms, an awkward stutter, that general deer-in-the-headlights look as if I have no idea what I’m doing (which, by the way, I probably don’t). If you want to know how I’m feeling, these signs will definitely tell you. And by “how I feel,” I’m talking about the I-think-I-may-like-you kind since, obviously, those are the ones that are so hard for me to give voice to, if you know what I mean.

I’ve unofficially dubbed this trend The Heart-Pumping Paradox. Now, put your thinking caps on when I try to explain this. How I act around you is inversely proportional to how I feel about you. That is, the more I like you, the more I morph into a silent, awkward, blubbering person who can barely keep it together. So if we’re chitchatting, say, and you notice that I’m having a bit of trouble stringing a simple sentence together, then I probably like you a lot. If I don’t know where to put my hands as you’re telling me about your weekend, then I probably like you a lot. If you ask me a question and I just stand there giving you a blank stare, then I probably like you a lot.

Weird, right??

I suppose now would be a good time to note that the above description of my new syndrome DOES NOT apply to our exchanges/interactions over texts, email and social media. Over those mediums, I’m positively enchanting, easily seducing you with my charms because, well, I’m just that irresistible. It must have something to do with the fact that I’ve always been better with the written word than thinking on my feet. Trying to come up with something clever and witty to say has never been a skill of mine. But give me a day or so to respond to an email? You’ll be so enthralled with me that you’ll see stars. I promise.

Although, I doubt I’m the only one who suffers from this affliction. Maybe you’ve noticed it a time or two in your own life. I’m starting to see that it’s not a very good cover-up in the long-run. I mean, trying with all my might to conceal my feelings actually gives them away in the end. In making it look like I don’t like you, I’m pretty much just sealing my fate, aren’t I? You might not even catch on, but before long, I start to feel like I’m wearing a giant bulls-eye around my neck that says, “Step right up, step right up! Come take a look at the girl who is soooo obvious in her inner feelings. Look at her trying to hide them…as if she even can!“

So where does that leave me exactly? Well, I don’t really know, but I’m guessing it’s somewhere between “just like everyone else” and “get a grip on yourself, girl.” Maybe I should just try to be upfront with you and tell you how I feel?? Nah, that sounds too easy… xoxo

[Photos via We Heart It]