MEMO TO MEN: Very Sad Statistics (Or, Go Ahead and Ask Me Out)

MEMORANDUM
TO: Men all over the planet
FROM: Melissa
RE: These facts are pathetic, yo!
DATE: November 11th, 2015

I’ve never been one to get overly surprised by statistics. Curious, sure, but surprised? Yeah, not so much.

And yet, here I am, boys, admitting a first to the world: I stand corrected. Because I discovered a set of statistics that knocked me off my feet, rendering me practically unable to speak — notice the keyword here is ‘practically.’

Anyway, I’m sure I’ve piqued your interest by now, right? What could she possibly be talking about? Just how shocking could it be?

Might I present the findings from Scope, a British disability charity that launched the study as part of its End The Awkward campaign. The main finding, the one that is particularly troubling to me? Only 5 percent of people have ever been on a date with, or asked out, a person with a disability.

REALLY???

ARE YOU KIDDING ME???

Now, using my sexy brain, let’s just extrapolate these numbers to the rest of the world. Say there are around 6 billion people in the world, and for the sake of argument, let’s say that half of those are women. So we’d multiply 3 billion X .05 = 150,000,000.

I’ll just be honest: I have absolutely zero idea where those 150,000,000 of you are. Are you hiding in the treetops? Are you in the Witness Protection Program? Have you all turned into robotic drones? How am I supposed to know?

But, really, though, I would love to know where you all are because I’ve feel like I’ve already looked for you in so many places — and it’s a vast and wide galaxy out there.

Maybe I could even sit down with a representative sample? It could even be a very small sample, like, 10 or 20 of you. You know, like those focus groups in the mall where they pluck you from the food court to get your highly-sought-after opinion on the newest fruity drink or ice cream flavor. We could just sit around and chat. Because that’s all I really want. Some sort of reason, some sort of explanation, some sort of answer to the question that always seems to be floating around in my head: “What in the heck are you thinking? How could you not see me? I’m. Right. Here.”

I wouldn’t even be asking in a desperate, clingy way, either. I genuinely want to know because I’ve scratched my head one too many times already trying to figure out this seemingly unsolvable riddle. So maybe you can help me solve it?

And yeah, I know that men are notoriously hard to figure out and that they have trouble relating to women sometimes, but I’m not asking you to take on our whole species. In fact, I’m not even really asking you to “take on me.” I’m just asking — or maybe inviting is a better word — you to notice me as a woman and as a person. I’m right here, and my gosh, I want to get to know you. I really do.

So here’s an idea — something you can do if you need a bit more inspiration or courage…

1. Run to your closet.


2. Put on your Big Boy pants.


3. Push all those disability misconceptions aside.


4. Come up to me and just say, “Hi there.”


5. RELAX and just get to know me. I promise I won’t bite.

Translation: YES, DISABILITIES CAN BE S-E-X-Y!!!! So what do you say, boys? Let’s talk soon, OK? xoxo

[Photos via We Heart It]