TO: Men all over the planet
RE: First-date locations!
DATE: May 18th, 2015
Oh, boys, I’ve got quite the gem of a proposition for you today. You know how we’ve talked a lot about dating and how exactly our dates might play out, but one thing we’ve never really discussed is the specific location where these wild sparks would fly. Now, I may not know everything about the dating scene or have any sort of experience to fall back on, but I do know one basic truth: When it comes to that all-important first date, like real estate, it’s all about location, location, location.
And because I’m the sort of girl who does her homework, I’ve found the perfect spot in which to get to know each other. Based on user data, dating app Clover revealed the top five perfect first-date locales: Starbucks, Chipotle, Panera Bread, The Cheesecake Factory and Texas Roadhouse.
Well, I spent some time contemplating, as I usually do, and came to some conclusions about said locales. One, I don’t like coffee and can barely tolerate hipsters, so Starbucks is pretty much out. Second, Panera Bread is pretty pricey — the sort of pricey that should be reserved for, say, the third or fourth date. And, as much as I love Texas Roadhouse, I’m thinking the allure of the peanut pale would distract me from our conversation; I’d be willing to bet that those mouthwatering cheesecakes would have much the same effect.
So it looks like Chipotle is the place to be, and really, I couldn’t be happier with this choice. I mean, where else will my massively gigantic burrito simply blend in? Just think about it. We can fill our tortillas with our favorite ingredients (making googly eyes at each other when we both realize that we *just love* extra tomatoes! And rice! And peppers!) and then spend hours getting to know each other. Trust me, it’ll be a match made in fine dining heaven! Rest assured that it will most definitely be one hot and spicy affair — and that’s even before the goodnight kiss after you walk me to my front door!
I hope you’ll agree with my decision. It occurred to me that my entire plan rests on the assumption that you, too, love Chipotle as much as I do. If you don’t, well, then I suppose we could always choose another restaurant from the list. Just no hipsters, please!! I’m sure you understand! xoxo
*Please note that Chipotle had nothing to do with the writing of this post. I just really, really like their burrito bowls. That, and planning my fantasy first date.
[Photos via We Heart It]