MEMO TO MEN: 5 questions I’m too scared to ask

MEMORANDUM
TO: Men all over the planet
FROM: Melissa
RE: So about those questions
DATE: January 29th, 2014

Yes, boys, I am painfully aware of the obvious here: I don’t know very much about you. OK, I know very little about you. OK, I know next to nothing about you. Like I’ve always said, I don’t pretend to have all this worldly knowledge and experience when it comes to love, so don’t get any ideas. I know I have a lot to learn, and I’m slowly learning to be comfortable with that. But by now, I’m sure you know what a curious person I am — I question everything, much to my family’s annoyance sometimes, in fact.

Truth be told, there are lots of things I’d like to ask you, boys, and probably others things I don’t even know I want to ask at this point. But it’s not like I can just randomly go up to you on the street or the bookstore and just ask you these questions — that much, thankfully, I know. For one, doing the blind interview could be all sorts of dangerous — for both you and me. Plus, I fear I may be a bit too scared, too shy, too awkward to actually get the questions out without clamming up or something. So in the interest of staying safe and clam-free, I’ll ask my question here. Here are five questions I’m too scared to ask you…

How do you know you’re in love
Do you see fireworks over her head? Is she all you can think about? Are you excited to introduce her to your family? I’m guessing your answer to this question is pretty similar to how women would answer it. Am I right?

Why do you use such cheesy pick-up lines?
Really? Do you really think you’re being original? I may not have heard those lines actually used in real time, but I sure know what they are, and trust me, they’re not creative or welcomed. At all. You’re better off just going the simple route and introducing yourself. You know, cut to the chase right away and by-pass all the excess nonsense.

How do you really feel when a woman makes the first move?
Say she doesn’t use those pick-up lines mentioned above, but instead just genuinely strikes up a conversation with you. Would you be caught off guard? Rendered speechless? I’d like to think that you’d keep an open mind and just go with it. After all, it is 2014 — it’s not like it’s 1955 and I hit you up at the soda fountain while you’re chilling with the other greasers in your gang and enjoying a large Coca-Cola.

How deep should the conversation get on the first date?
I’m guess you don’t want to be naming those hypothetical future kids over burgers at Ruby Tuesday, huh? Good to know. So I suppose you also don’t want to hear my entire life story, complete with the story of how I’m kind of in love with my cats and my PEZ dispenser collection, do you? OK, fair enough…I figured those topics would be off limits as far as first-date chit-chat goes. You probably want to keep the conversation light and breezy. I’m down for that.

What’s your #1 rule when it comes to love?
And don’t say that there are no rules because even I know that’s a big fat lie! Everyone has rules — we don’t need social chaos now, do we? Whether we admit it or not, people like to place neat and tidy rules around things like love and life — even if it doesn’t work or the rules don’t fit, people want to at least be able to say they tried. Rules make things all the more manageable, and I’m all about making love manageable. Are you? What rule will you not break?

So there you have it, boys — a little food for thought. Look for five additional questions next week, centered more about love and my disability. And who knows? Maybe some day I’ll be able to ask you these hard-hitting questions in person without my face turning as red as my hair and my skin turning as white as a ghost. We’ll see… xoxo

[Photos via We Heart It]