TO: Men all over the planet
RE: Excuses, excuses, excuses
DATE: November 5, 2013
Confession time, boys: I’ve suffered from eczema since high school. While I’ll be the first to admit that the pesky, itchy rash can be super annoying at time — especially in the winter — I’ve never let it get me down. Much like my physical disability, I’ve lived in spite of my sometimes-red-and-flaky skin.
But little did I know just how much of a social buzzkill my condition could be, at least according to new research. The UK report revealed just how much psoriasis, a cousin of eczema, affects relationships. A quarter of sufferers report they have been dumped because of the condition, and 40 percent felt that their partner found them unattractive because of their skin woes.
Well, it looks like we can add psoriasis to that long list of Dating No-Nos. You know, right up there with all those other dealbreakers like having different goals for the future, having differing values, having a criminal record. Yikes! Oh, boy! I don’t know about you, boys, but my head is spinning just thinking about it.
But the cold hard truth? Breaking up with someone over a skin condition is just about the lamest, shadiest, loserest (yes, I know that’s not a real world, but work with me here…) thing you can do. What sort of person would even think of doing such a thing? It’s unthinkable. It’s unacceptable. So! Before you make anymore rash decisions (no pun intended…), I give you 10 more lame excuses that are unacceptable for breaking up with someone…
1. They have a cat (spoiler alert: They may love their cat more than you…)
2. They think they’re the next American Idol — Come on, let them have their dreams!
3. They’re squeamish during scary movies — like we haven’t all been there!
4. They don’t make their bed. Ever — it’s about priorities, people!
5. They’re a loud talker or a loud laugher — bonus points for enthusiasm, right?
6. They’d rather text than talk on the phone — hey, fear of talking on the phone is a thing!
7. They hog the remote (and all the hours on the DVR) — all’s fair in love and reality TV.
8. They Instagram their breakfast every morning — what’s it to you?
9. They’re in a state of constant freak-out over their Fantasy Football League — to each his own hobby, right?
10. They have a cat — what, we’re still on this?
There you go, boys. Might I suggest you print these out, add a few of your own and carry them with you at all times. You never know when you’ll desperately need them… xoxo