It’s funny how life can be super cheery and exciting for a little while, and then BAM…it hits you with blinding force that nearly knocks you out.
It’s sudden yet a long time coming, but that doesn’t make the heartbreak hurt any less. It happens. And unfortunately, it happened to me just a few weeks ago when I found myself single and without my boyfriend for the first time in over two years. It was my first real long-term relationship, and it came crashing down around me in tiny broken pieces.
I wish I could say it’s been an easy process getting over my ex, but letting go of the first person I really loved after so much time together is not a particularly fun experience. In any case, I’ve been coping well with the help of supportive friends and 6 little tips I’ve been using to heal myself. So whether you’re just getting over a bad heartbreak or you’re trying to forget about the unavailable hottie you’re crushing on, try out these foolproof tips…
Make a change
When you enter a relationship, you are declaring that some part of you belongs to the other person. Your identities, though separate, are shared to form a unit as a couple. So the last thing you want to do is keep being the same person you were when you were with your ex. A week after I broke up with my boyfriend, I went to the salon and had my hair dyed for the first time in my life. It’s now a lovely shade of deep red and (I think) better matches my personality. It wasn’t a very drastic change, but I did want to mix things up now that I’m becoming a different person apart from my ex.
What girl doesn’t love to pamper herself every once in a while? Go to the spa, take a shopping trip or get yourself a present just because you’re worth it. I bought myself lilies and a beautiful new bracelet from Tiffany’s, and it makes me feel so fulfilled and independent knowing that I don’t need anyone else to get me flowers and gifts.
I hate when people tell the newly single to “spend some time alone.” The way they phrase it makes it sound lonely and horribly depressing. That’s why I prefer to “go on a date” with myself. Take yourself out to the movies or dinner and sit by the park with a great book. Enjoy your own company without needing someone to “complete” you.
Try something new
When you’re separating from someone you spent lots of time with and did so many things with, it’s important to find new hobbies and jump into something completely unrelated to your ex on your own. As for me, I started doing more yoga and joined a knitting circle my friend and her mother are hosting. These are things that have nothing to do with my ex-boyfriend and therefore don’t awkwardly bring up old memories or make me cry thinking about him.
Focus on friends
They’ve stood beside you through thick and thin, so you know they’ll have your back when you’re hurting. And chances are, your close friends will have experienced heartaches of their own and can relate to your pain. I’m really lucky that I have amazing friends who are constantly checking up on me and who are available to hang out when I need a tub of ice cream or just a good cry. They’ve felt it. They get it. And they know how to love me best.
This is the hardest one for me. Forgiveness is not something that comes easily to most people. And I don’t just mean forgiving the other person for the wrongs they did. The worst is having to forgive yourself. I’m definitely not perfect, and I messed up a LOT in my last relationship. And while he’s no longer in my life to do the forgiving, I’m going to have to figure it out for myself. Am I completely done with this step? Honestly, no. I’m still working on letting things go and telling myself that I really do deserve love and happiness. But I’m getting there. And I know it’ll all be okay when I do.
Keep your hearts safe…