We’ve talked about the fine intricacies of love vs. lust before, but since I’m pretty obsessed with words and the great power behind their meaning, let’s look at two more common themes today, shall we, friends?
Loving someone
Being in love.
They’re quite common, aren’t they? After all, they’ve been uttered since the dawning of time (well, maybe not by cave people, but you get the idea here…) as a way to put into words what people were feeling in their hearts. Sometimes, it seems, people even use said phrases interchangeably, as if they mean the same thing.
But do they? The more I think about it — and maybe I’m thinking too much about it — the more I can’t help but think they are two different things altogether. I picture being in love as that lusty phase of a relationship — the early days when you’ve got stars in your eyes and are delirious by the mere mention of the other person’s name. And then I picture loving someone as the next natural step. Maybe loving someone is the only way to get to any sort of love affair that lasts once those stars don’t burn as bright as they used to. Maybe being in love is like that first layer of shaky foundation when you’re building a house, and loving someone are like the support beams that will hold it together forever.
What do you think, friends? Have you thought about the differences between the two? Do they even mean different things to you? Have you experienced both before? One more than the other? Let’s chat! xoxo
[Photos via Le Love]
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Rachael says
The infamous quote from Captain Correlli says "love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away" – it's a quote we actually had at our wedding. It's hard to explain love though, to me it's that reaffirming, assurance of just 100% being yourself and building a future with someone.
Lena at A Crimson Kiss says
I think the two are different–although I also think, "I love you, too" doesn't count for as much!
I think you experience being in love with romantic partners (and probably only for some periods of time), while love can be felt for family, friends, and surely romantic partners as well.
Laura Bear says
AH yes, such different things! I have family and a few close friends that I really really love. But the love I share with my husband, and being "in love" is so different, it is like the best drug. I have been with him for 10 years, married for 5 and I have to say, we are still in the lusty phase, he makes butterflies in my stomach still.
artful imago says
I think loving someone is about the person, knowing them, caring about them beyond just yourself and how they effect you. I think 'being in love' is about the crazy head-over-heels feeling (which usually lasts about three or four years [with exceptions] as documented in some scientific studies of the chemical processes behind it- which mimics some kinds of insanity, btw), and doesn't necessarily have anything to do with who the other person really is. I think you have to know someone well to love them, but not to be in love with them. The two can exist separately or together.
Liesl says
LOVE your new layout, Melissa…what a great look!!! 🙂 Also, loving this blog post, and what a great topic to think about and what a fine line that can be at times, but I love how you describe being in love as the first phase and loving someone taking on the next step…perfectly said! 🙂
Susan Yearly says
Interesting theories, but let's try some practical application! Talk to a real man, in person, not in a memo.
Dancing Branflake says
When I was little, my parents told my sister and I they were divorcing. They said they still loved each other. I remember asking them, "You love each other, but you're not in love with each other?" They agreed that was true. Ever since then, I've been keenly aware of the difference.
Melissa Blake says
Thanks, Liesl — i am so excited about the new design!
Melissa Blake says
Tiffany, that is the perfect way to put it…you can love someone but not be in love with them. those are two totally separate emotions.
ica ramos says
I think you're right. I'm not an expert in love or relationships, just having my first REAL relationship ever and right now, the "being in love" phase i think is almost over and its quite scary because the next phase is the real thing.. this post did not only enlighten me but it also made me think that maybe being in relationships isn't just about the heart-melting beginnings but the mushy everydays of give and take. <3
KIMMIE JONES says
I feel like loving someone can take many forms (platonic romantic etc) but being in love takes two to tango. It's almost like it needs a second party to activate it. You can love someone without being in love, but you can't bein love without loving someone.