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Sunday, March 10, 2013

My Father’s Suicide: Ten years ago

My father died 10 years ago today. Wow, even typing that sentence seems a bit out of place for me. For the last few days, I didn’t really feel like I was thinking much about his death, but of course, leave it to my trusty subconscious to connect the dots for me. I had a pretty telling dream about my father last night — the first time I’ve dreamed about him in quite awhile. He was sick in my dream — we all knew this — and we all knew he was dying. We couldn’t do anything. All we could do was stand there and watch.
 
My emotions have certainly run the gamut over the last decade, from numbness to denial to anger to confusion to sadness. And I’ve certainly shared my story with you all (thank you for always listening…), but sometimes a picture is worth a thousand words. Here are some of my favorite photos of my father…

How could a decade’s worth of life have happened without him? I miss you, Father. Every single day. I hope you know that. I hope you also know how thankful I am for the memories we made; I will hold them close to my heart and treasure them. Always. I love you, Father… xoxo 
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9 Comments Filed Under: childhood week, family, family photos, grief, letters to my father, my father's suicide, Photographs, suicide, Uncategorized


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Comments

  1. Robyn says

    Sunday, March 10, 2013 at 2:34 pm

    This must be a really really hard day for you. Thanks for sharing the lovely photos. x

    Reply
  2. Samantha Kimble says

    Sunday, March 10, 2013 at 3:46 pm

    Thank you for sharing this. I hope that your dream was therapeutic for you. Sometimes they are exactly what we need to work out our thoughts.

    You parents made a beautiful couple and I can't stop laughing over the photo of your father and you on the the small car. The things father's do for their kids.

    My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family today. I hope you go out and do something fun in honor of him today.

    Reply
  3. Samantha Kimble says

    Sunday, March 10, 2013 at 3:46 pm

    Thank you for sharing this. I hope that your dream was therapeutic for you. Sometimes they are exactly what we need to work out our thoughts.

    You parents made a beautiful couple and I can't stop laughing over the photo of your father and you on the the small car. The things father's do for their kids.

    My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family today. I hope you go out and do something fun in honor of him today.

    Reply
  4. Jessi Haish says

    Sunday, March 10, 2013 at 4:14 pm

    Thinking of you and your family, Melissa. You are all such wonderful people! 🙂

    Reply
  5. Grace Martin says

    Sunday, March 10, 2013 at 5:08 pm

    Praying for you 🙂

    I love you lots.

    And I love the photos.

    Reply
  6. Melissa Blake says

    Monday, March 11, 2013 at 12:29 am

    Thanks for these kind words, friends!! It made me smile today. It wasn't such a bad day, which is good.

    Reply
  7. Alexa says

    Monday, March 11, 2013 at 3:58 am

    Oh Melissa. My heart was so heavy reading this post. These are the worst milestones to come across, and yet they offer a chance for memory and reflection. I actually just read the story about your Dad's death and the anger you felt afterwards. I have a friend who's fiance committed suicide over a year ago now (he struggled with depression, those diseases of the mind are most often the deadliest of all), but I see how it affects her today: anger, frustration, this sort of disbelief. I didn't know your Dad but he surely sounds like he loved you dearly during the time he had with you. No matter in what manner a person dies, those memories of their life are the ones worth keeping. Easier said than done, but I think it's probably true. Hugs to you, friend.

    Reply
  8. lauren jean allece says

    Monday, March 11, 2013 at 4:55 am

    It's such an honor that you would share this piece of your heart with us, Melissa – hugs and prayers for you! Thank you for trusting us, your readers, with your dearest memories. We're all here for you!

    Reply
  9. Chic 'n Cheap Living says

    Monday, March 11, 2013 at 4:21 pm

    My heart goes out to you for sharing this. He knows how you feel.

    xoxo,
    Chic 'n Cheap Living

    Reply

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So About What I Said is a daily blog that covers relationships, disabilities, lifestyle and pop culture. I love to laugh and have been known to overshare. I also have an unabashed obsession with pop music, polo shirts, and PEZ dispensers. Read more...

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