A few weeks ago, I mentioned that I was working on a new piece for xoJane (you might remember my first essay on coming to terms with my disability). This time around, I’m sharing what it feels like to be a 31-year-old virgin who’s never been kissed and wonder: How do you tell someone they’re your first? As in first everything -– first kiss, first date, first boyfriend, first, well, time. And how do you even begin to figure out how your physical disability plays into all of this? Oh, and there’s a bit more reflection on a certain guy. You can read the full essay here, and as always, I’d love to hear your thoughts, friends! xoxo
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Sounds like a good read! Can't wait to check it out 🙂
Melissa Blake says
Hi Monica — thanks so much! xoxo
Elsa de Diego says
Just read it! Captivating, like always! Go for it, darling! U are amazing, Melissa! 🙂 XOXO
Beautiful Things says
Oh Melissa. You're clearly a highly intelligent, driven, very personable woman but I think you're hampering yourself by overthinking. You can think yourself into a nervous breakdown if you're not careful. Hey, I used to do it myself.
Just speak to him. If you're nervous, neck a bottle of vodka or something, that way if he turns you down, you can blame it on the drink. 😉 Life experience has taught me that's he's almost certainly as scared, if not more scared than you. Even in this day & age, the onus is still on the man to make the first move & from speaking to male friends I've learnt that is something they find incredibly hard.
I'd love to log onto your blog one day & read that you just decided to throw caution to the wind & go for it. Seriously, honey, you deserve a good man who'll cherish you but you're not going to find him by sitting at home.
Love your blog by the way. x
Melissa Blake says
Thanks for these kind words, friends!
p.s. Beautiful Thing — I totally get what you're saying. It IS so easy to overanalyze things. Gets the best of me! 🙂
Love me if ya dare says
I read your blog often and its definitely love it. You speak of fear of love, we all can relate. It's tough. I use to have my friends do my speaking for me since I knew I would never have the nerve. It worked! Good luck Melissa, someday everything will feel better and you will become braver. So many of my friends have met nice men on dating sites…honestly they have. One marriage and two engagements from a dating site.
I'm married now with 2 kids, but I can completely still relate. Great read and all the best,
Wonderful read as always, Melissa!
I did read your Article just now, Melissa… and have to say that it made me shed a tear or two. 🙁
great as always, melissa. loved the piece.
The Egg says
go for it girl!
or you'll always regret it.
xo the egg out west.
Quite a lovely piece Melissa. I have to say that the article you wrote made my heart ache for you and for me. I had a very similar thing happen to me but my Stephen was a Greg. When the perfect dream moment came with my dream man I backed away just like you. I made excuses and shied away full of my insecurities. I lost him that day. Years later I ran into his mother. She told me he said I was the only one that he heard music when he saw me like in the movies. Corny, maybe but it made me realize in that instant how self-centered and selfish I had been. Not once had I asked myself how he felt when rejected. It was MY feelings, MY insecurities, MY fear, MY, MY, MY, ME, ME, ME.
So………How would Stephen feel if you called him? How did he feel when you backed away? What does he think, feel, want, etc? Put the focus on him and watch your fear melt away. Shouldn't you, for his sake, find out?
It helped me to realize that shyness and catering to insecurities is actually quite selfish and self-centered. I truly hope you take this as honest and not harsh. I just would hate to see you lose Stephen like I lost Greg.
I'm an old lady now and can honestly tell you that no rejection, break-up or lousy relationship hurts as much as unrequited love. Whoever said "time heals all wounds" was either an idiot or five years old. Call him.
Dancing Branflake says
Um, you totally said everything that goes through my heart during every uncomfortable situation. We all have weaknesses… yours is men. Understandably so. I cannot for the life of me imagine what I had done had my now husband not been so bold. Telling someone my true feelings? That scares the crap out of me.
I sympathize. And I hope Stephen acts on this!!!
You are a brilliant writer! And yes, by the world's standards, never having any first's might seem like the end of the world, but forget the world's views. You are beautiful inside and out. My favorite verse is Romans 12:2 and it talks about not conforming to the ways of the world. No matter what the world might throw back to you, know that God has a perfect plan for your life. and although he has not put a man in your life at this moment, his plan is far grater than ours, and your perfect man who will love you for who you are could be just around the corner, if you just have faith! Sometimes I get frustrated with God because he has not put a man in my life, but then I realize I am looking at the worlds way of thinking, and I realize that God is protecting me and will put that perfect guy into my life when the timing is right. His ways are good, and I put my faith in him!