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Monday, November 26, 2012

xoJane: Essay #2

A few weeks ago, I mentioned that I was working on a new piece for xoJane (you might remember my first essay on coming to terms with my disability). This time around, I’m sharing what it feels like to be a 31-year-old virgin who’s never been kissed and wonder: How do you tell someone they’re your first? As in first everything -– first kiss, first date, first boyfriend, first, well, time. And how do you even begin to figure out how your physical disability plays into all of this? Oh, and there’s a bit more reflection on a certain guy. You can read the full essay here, and as always, I’d love to hear your thoughts, friends! xoxo
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14 Comments Filed Under: Crush Boy, Dating, Dating With Disabilities, Disability, Love Lessons, My Other Freelance Writing, Uncategorized, virginity, work, xoJane, xoJane writing, Young Love


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Comments

  1. Monica says

    Monday, November 26, 2012 at 8:28 pm

    Sounds like a good read! Can't wait to check it out 🙂

    M.

    Reply
  2. Melissa Blake says

    Monday, November 26, 2012 at 8:30 pm

    Hi Monica — thanks so much! xoxo

    Reply
  3. Elsa de Diego says

    Monday, November 26, 2012 at 8:49 pm

    Just read it! Captivating, like always! Go for it, darling! U are amazing, Melissa! 🙂 XOXO

    Reply
  4. Beautiful Things says

    Monday, November 26, 2012 at 9:01 pm

    Oh Melissa. You're clearly a highly intelligent, driven, very personable woman but I think you're hampering yourself by overthinking. You can think yourself into a nervous breakdown if you're not careful. Hey, I used to do it myself.

    Just speak to him. If you're nervous, neck a bottle of vodka or something, that way if he turns you down, you can blame it on the drink. 😉 Life experience has taught me that's he's almost certainly as scared, if not more scared than you. Even in this day & age, the onus is still on the man to make the first move & from speaking to male friends I've learnt that is something they find incredibly hard.

    I'd love to log onto your blog one day & read that you just decided to throw caution to the wind & go for it. Seriously, honey, you deserve a good man who'll cherish you but you're not going to find him by sitting at home.

    Love your blog by the way. x

    Reply
  5. Melissa Blake says

    Monday, November 26, 2012 at 10:33 pm

    Thanks for these kind words, friends!

    p.s. Beautiful Thing — I totally get what you're saying. It IS so easy to overanalyze things. Gets the best of me! 🙂

    Reply
  6. Love me if ya dare says

    Monday, November 26, 2012 at 11:03 pm

    It's amazing!!

    Reply
  7. Anonymous says

    Monday, November 26, 2012 at 11:11 pm

    Hello,
    I read your blog often and its definitely love it. You speak of fear of love, we all can relate. It's tough. I use to have my friends do my speaking for me since I knew I would never have the nerve. It worked! Good luck Melissa, someday everything will feel better and you will become braver. So many of my friends have met nice men on dating sites…honestly they have. One marriage and two engagements from a dating site.
    I'm married now with 2 kids, but I can completely still relate. Great read and all the best,
    Diana Rivello

    Reply
  8. Wendy says

    Monday, November 26, 2012 at 11:13 pm

    Wonderful read as always, Melissa!

    Reply
  9. PinkPanthress says

    Tuesday, November 27, 2012 at 12:25 am

    I did read your Article just now, Melissa… and have to say that it made me shed a tear or two. 🙁

    Reply
  10. mai says

    Tuesday, November 27, 2012 at 1:01 am

    great as always, melissa. loved the piece.

    Reply
  11. The Egg says

    Tuesday, November 27, 2012 at 1:46 am

    go for it girl!
    or you'll always regret it.

    xo the egg out west.

    Reply
  12. Susan says

    Tuesday, November 27, 2012 at 8:42 am

    Quite a lovely piece Melissa. I have to say that the article you wrote made my heart ache for you and for me. I had a very similar thing happen to me but my Stephen was a Greg. When the perfect dream moment came with my dream man I backed away just like you. I made excuses and shied away full of my insecurities. I lost him that day. Years later I ran into his mother. She told me he said I was the only one that he heard music when he saw me like in the movies. Corny, maybe but it made me realize in that instant how self-centered and selfish I had been. Not once had I asked myself how he felt when rejected. It was MY feelings, MY insecurities, MY fear, MY, MY, MY, ME, ME, ME.
    So………How would Stephen feel if you called him? How did he feel when you backed away? What does he think, feel, want, etc? Put the focus on him and watch your fear melt away. Shouldn't you, for his sake, find out?
    It helped me to realize that shyness and catering to insecurities is actually quite selfish and self-centered. I truly hope you take this as honest and not harsh. I just would hate to see you lose Stephen like I lost Greg.
    I'm an old lady now and can honestly tell you that no rejection, break-up or lousy relationship hurts as much as unrequited love. Whoever said "time heals all wounds" was either an idiot or five years old. Call him.

    Reply
  13. Dancing Branflake says

    Tuesday, November 27, 2012 at 7:59 pm

    Um, you totally said everything that goes through my heart during every uncomfortable situation. We all have weaknesses… yours is men. Understandably so. I cannot for the life of me imagine what I had done had my now husband not been so bold. Telling someone my true feelings? That scares the crap out of me.

    I sympathize. And I hope Stephen acts on this!!!

    Reply
  14. Katie says

    Friday, November 30, 2012 at 7:59 pm

    You are a brilliant writer! And yes, by the world's standards, never having any first's might seem like the end of the world, but forget the world's views. You are beautiful inside and out. My favorite verse is Romans 12:2 and it talks about not conforming to the ways of the world. No matter what the world might throw back to you, know that God has a perfect plan for your life. and although he has not put a man in your life at this moment, his plan is far grater than ours, and your perfect man who will love you for who you are could be just around the corner, if you just have faith! Sometimes I get frustrated with God because he has not put a man in my life, but then I realize I am looking at the worlds way of thinking, and I realize that God is protecting me and will put that perfect guy into my life when the timing is right. His ways are good, and I put my faith in him!

    Reply

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So About What I Said is a daily blog that covers relationships, disabilities, lifestyle and pop culture. I love to laugh and have been known to overshare. I also have an unabashed obsession with pop music, polo shirts, and PEZ dispensers. Read more...

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