I was sitting at the kitchen table (which has also become my work desk) a few nights ago when my mom and I somehow found ourselves on the topic of regrets. How we all have them, whether we admit it or not. How there are so many different levels of regrets — those little stupid mistakes we wish we could take back or at least do oever again, but also those huge, life-changing things that, well, for lack of a better word, change things. Forever.
One of my mom’s regrets? “As much as I appreciated college, if I could do it all over again, I’d get a different degree [she majored in sociology]. I missed my calling in the medical field.”
My regret? When I really think about it, I wish I would have been more outgoing with certain people in my life and not let them get away without telling them certain things.
I also got to thinking: Are some regrets inherently better than others? Are smaller regrets necessarily smaller in value than those big, life-changers? What do you think, friends? xoxo
[Photos via Audrey Hepburn Complex]
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ahyesplans says
I wish I had learned to not waste time worrying at a younger age. It accomplishes absolutely nothing!
Melissa Blake says
Good one,ahyesplans — i'm still working on that one!
Rachael says
Being a sociology masters graduate i'm siding with your mother – it hasn't really gotten me anywhere! I wish i'd stuck with my number one dream of being a journalist.
Anonymous says
Maybe its best that you didn't tell him you had feelings for him. One of my friends confessed she had romantic feelings for me and I really wished she hadn't said anything. She wasn't the type I went for and she knew it. Afterwards, everything was weird between us. And we drifted further apart. The dirty little secret in all this is that just because your friends with a guy doesn't give you an advantage when it comes to choosing a girlfriend. Unless your really hot.
Anonymous says
Ignore those ugly comments.
My biggest regret is I wish I had been nicer and kinder to myself.
Hopefully I can teach my future children to do so.
Christina Marie says
You are beautiful, don't listen to the above hateful comment (who is too chicken and to even leave a name)!
I regret not being more social when I was younger. I isolated myself in high school and have since wish I left there with more friends. Because as an adult I find it harder to make new friends. :/
Christina
Jacquelineand.... says
Regrets? My main regrets are the things I haven't done, but that can be corrected.
I also regret not speaking for things I knew were right and against what I knew to be wrong….that, too, is being corrected.
Anonymous, some cowards exist solely to provide people who are not empty of heart, soul, and conscience an obstacle to overcome; a way to let their light shine in the darkness. You are such a person Anonymous and, as such, have fulfilled your purpose…small and tawdry as it is.
Alice Jones says
Lovely post. I've had a lot of things in my life that I /sort of/ regret (specifically one relationship)… I wish they'd never happened but at the same time, I appreciate the lessons I've learned. The only true regret I have is passing up a dream job opportunity because of that relationship. I hope I have the chance to work in that industry again. Over coffee with my Mum the other day we were talking about her job and whether she could be promoted when her superior goes on maternity leave. She can't, as she doesn't have the degree required and can't afford to study for four years as a woman in her 50s. She didn't really say she regrets it as such, but that if she could go back and change that, then she would. I feel like minor day-to-day regrets ('I should have said /this/!') haunt me/worry me more than major, life changing ones. I don't even know where I'm going with this 🙂 Love your blog, take care.
Patricia Villamil says
i love today's topic. Well, i have many regrets, and I still am trying to correct them whenever I think about them. In my head I correct them over and over, since most situations cannot ever be recalled. But this might be not healthy either. I admit am incredibly self-critic and so I end up revising everything in my head all the time. As far as what you said about trying to be outspoken more often, I have found that has come out to actually hurt me and made me look combative, when I really hate conflict. But regardless, I still think is better this way for me. I'm dealing with someone in my life right now who has taken the jobtitle of challenging everything I say or do. Some peers say it's jealousy but Im convinced it's a matter of unresolved complexes.
J. says
Super thought provoking topic…I guess I would have left a bad relationship much sooner…
PinkPanthress says
Where to start!?
I regret almost everything in my life.
Anonymous says
If you were speaking about your father, then I agree with you. If you are speaking about someone like, ummmmm….."Crush Boy?", then I'm assuming this was like back in 6th grade, when such terminology was possibly humerous??? See, the way it ususally works is this….girl sees guy and is interested…guy picks up on that and asks her out and they spend time together. A relationship develops. Then certain thoughts and sentiments are exchanged. But you don't go baring your soul to someone you've never gotten remotely close to, never had a date with and have only romantically fantasized about from afar. That would be such a HUGE turn-off and just makes you appear so desperate and pathetic. Too much too soon usually doesn't work.
suburban prep says
Like you I too wish I had been able to tell some people certain things. I am always so conscious of how others feel or think about me. I was the good girl when I was growing up and I guess I brought that into my marriage and adult life too. My husband is sort of like this as well. We were actually speaking of this recently and he wishes he had actually told someone off but he thought of the consequences and then thought better of it.
Melissa Blake says
Thanks for these kind comments. I deleted the ugly, rude comment from Anon.
Melissa Blake says
Christina — I'm the exact same way. I was pretty shy in school. Although it didn't bother me at the time, i probably could have stood to be more outgoing.
Melissa Blake says
Last Anon — regarding Crush Boy: Our parents had been friends for years, so we'd known each other since we were 13. It wasn't like we'd never gotten remotely close to each other. I'd had a crush on him for years, but had always felt awkward about saying anything because our parents had been friends for so long.
Does that make sense?
Demon Deaconess says
You need to be honest with your readers. You didn't act on your feelings for CB b/c you knew your disability would be a hinderance. In fact, your wheelchair has come into the way with every guy you've been attracted to. I know you don't want to spend the next 30 years with no husband, no boyfriend, or at the very least no first date. Your readers don't want that for you either. But why do you get defensive when someone suggests you date someone with a disability? The best advice I ever got was from a professor who said, If you do the same thing over and over and do not get the results you want, then you are doing it wrong.
cheap prom dresses says
I am probably one of the few people out there (other than my husband) who doesn't do Pinterist, or Facebook or any of the other social media things. I have a cell phone but it does what it is supposed to do — used when I need to contact others. My husband doesn't even have a cell phone and borrows mine when he goes out of town on business.