I was browsing the aisles of Target a few weeks ago when, a few aisles over, I heard a mother say matter-of-factly to her son, “You can’t have a princess doll. You’re a boy.”
Whaaat? Was I actually hearing this mother correctly? Here in 2012, it’s hard to believer parents still play by these gender rules. Growing up, my sister and I would put on shows with our Barbie dolls ones minute and then be rolling Matchbox cars down a long wooden ramp the next. It never dawned on us that one activity was for girls and the other was for boys. We just knew that each was fun, and that’s all we cared about.
So I suppose that’s what made me so angry with this woman’s comment; it’s a shame some parents aren’t more open-minded these days. What are they afraid of?
I’d love to know, friends: Did you play with gender-specific toys as a child? Did you parents discourage you from playing with toys that “weren’t for girls” or “weren’t for boys? How will you raise your own children? Will you let them play with the toys that appeal most to them, or will you encourage them to play with gender-specific ones? xoxo
P.S. Action figures were another one of my sister‘s favorites as a child! 🙂
[Photo by Rachel Thurston]
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Stephanie says
I'm definitely in the "play with whatever you want" camp. I was the same as you and your sister – Barbies one minute, Matchbox cars the next. 🙂
Erika @ ~TiptoeButterfly~ says
i don't have kids – but i know my Niece has both "male" and "female" toys and all the kids play with all the different toys
Lena at A Crimson Kiss says
Definitely for gender-neutral play; as long as you're interested in something, I wouldn't care if it was Barbies or Legos, and I loved both!
April says
i actually never played with barbie dolls at all when i was kid – i was all about toy cars, guitars, stuff like that. definitely agree with you, my parents never treated it as a big deal as if there were "girl toys" and "boy toys" so i never thought anything about it!
Christina Marie says
I'm soo passionate about this subject. I feel if boys (more than girls) played with dolls, food, etc. instead of just dump trucks and other "boy" things we would be living on a much better planet. Don't you think women would be much happier dating a man who is a well rounded individual instead of someone who grew up in a more aggressive and sometimes too masculine playroom? Nothing wrong with a guy who grows up with some sensitivity and gentleness, plus still keeping his masculinity.
Even though we've all come a long way since the 50s, I think parents are still afraid of their kids growing up gay or too wimpy (boys) or too tough (girls). Which opens up a whole other debate of nature vs nurture… 🙂
Christina
http://www.becauseofmadalene.com
Joanne AmbÃa says
I am all for gender neutrality!
Hollie says
I grew up with 2 brothers & also very poor, we played with whatever we had. My little one loves her legos just as much as she loves her baby dolls.
Anonymous says
I think it's a double standard because girls liking sports or playing with cars would seem cool…but boys playing with dolls or makeup is viewed as weird.
It's funny, my boyfriend and I joke about our worries relating with a child of the opposite gender…joking that we will have a daughter who is super into his interests so they can bond, and a son who is into my interests.
I think it would weird me out a little bit if I had a son who played with "girl" toys, and yes I more than a little embarassed to admit that. But hopefully I would put my feelings aside, be adult and let my child play however he or she wanted!
Shannon Hughes says
I am all for gender neutrality! I don't even really like the idea of gender-based clothing or colors.
Laura says
I'm not sure how good I'd be at creating a gender neutral environment for my child when they're a baby (if I have a girl someday I'd totally put her in pink dresses and I'd put my son in blue overalls- I think I'd be too lazy to get overally creative with an outfit they'll outgrow in 15 minutes anyway), and I imagine I'd probably default that way with toys and stuffed animals until they developed their own interests/preference. But I can't imagine preventing my kid from playing with something or being interested in something because it was for a specific gender, any more than I can imagine forcing a toddler into a pink dress if she tells me she hates that color. My brother and I played with each others toys all of the time and all it led to was some really awesome pictures of My Little Ponies being attacked by Dino-Riders and the requirement that we actually use our imaginations.
Rachael says
I'd like to think when the time comes my kids can play with whichever toys they want. I grew up playing with toy cars and jumping in the trees – I had Barbie dolls and even a huge Barbie house which i'd occasionally play with but they never held my attention. Luckily my parents never pushed me into playing with any certain toys. Although with my husbands huge Transformers collection I know what one type of toys regardless if they are boys or girls, will be playing with!
Stephanie says
Our daughter has a set of her own tools that she uses, and she loves them! She's really girly, but also loves sports and playing in the dirt. I think it's important to encourage play no matter what they want to play with.
Wendy says
That's very sad to hear. When I was little (this was in the 70's) I would be playing with Barbies one minute and Star Wars action figures the next. Toys are toys, they're their to have fun with – end of story.
Melissa Blake says
Laura, you bring up an interesting thought that I didn't think of until now. There's a difference between naturally wanting to put girls in pinks and boys in blues when they're babies and before they're own personalities and preferences really come out and preventing them from playing with a certain toy.
It's so important to encourage their own interests and talents!
Melissa Blake says
April and Stephanie — that is so cool! xoxo
Melissa Blake says
I also always hated how McDonald's had a boy toy and a girl toy!
RosieB says
I feel really strongly that children should be allowed to play with whatever toy sparks their imagination and brings them joy, regardless of social norms. I would never go as far as the families who are raising genderless children, but I really do believe that gender equality has to be instilled right from the very beginning.
ww.ciderwithrosiebee.blogspot.com
THE ALTERNATIVE WIFE says
I'm a strong believer in gender neutrality. I played with girl toys primarily as a child but I also liked to play in the dirt and had some matchbox cards and a baseball card collection. I guess some would say that's more "boyish". Whatever floats your boat. To try to force a child into a certain box is unnatural.
Great post, Melissa! xoxo
Samantha says
Growing up I played with whatever I wanted but when I would ask for "boy toys" for Christmas or birthday my family would always get me a barbie, cabbage patch doll, or some "girl toy" and tell me that they knew that this is what i really wanted. It annoyed me so much.
Now I have a toddler who I allow to play with any non violent toy she wants. So far her favorites are princess dolls, firetrucks, babies, her doctor kit and her father's magic cards and dice.
Anonymous says
@Melissa…when my boys are asked if they want the boy toy or the girl toy, they always choose the girl toy. 🙂 Last time they got one it was My Little Pony. So cute.
In general we have a LOT of toys in every type and variety. We let our 2 boys and our girl choose what they want to play with, no restrictions. For a long time the favorite toy for all three was a Disney Princess vanity.
The thing some people forget is that all this stuff is irrelevant to how a child turns out. My sons playing with dolls or cars doesn't teach them how to be good, kind, loving people. That is what my husband and I are teaching them, along with our families.
My boys love music by Katy Perry, Lady Gaga, and Madonna (clean versions only). My sister-in-law told us that was fine for now but that it would be a problem someday. Hmmm. Ok. My mom is going to buy each boy a new cd before our vacation this summer, and they have been having fun making little wish lists. My younger son wants a Glee cd. My older son wants either a Glee cd, a Taylor Swift cd or a Britney Spears cd.
I'm sure plenty of people could have a field day with those choices.
Heck, I don't even know what my point is anymore. Just that kids should be allowed to choose what they want, in an age appropriate fashion.
Anonymous says
@Melissa…when my boys are asked if they want the boy toy or the girl toy, they always choose the girl toy. 🙂 Last time they got one it was My Little Pony. So cute.
In general we have a LOT of toys in every type and variety. We let our 2 boys and our girl choose what they want to play with, no restrictions. For a long time the favorite toy for all three was a Disney Princess vanity.
The thing some people forget is that all this stuff is irrelevant to how a child turns out. My sons playing with dolls or cars doesn't teach them how to be good, kind, loving people. That is what my husband and I are teaching them, along with our families.
My boys love music by Katy Perry, Lady Gaga, and Madonna (clean versions only). My sister-in-law told us that was fine for now but that it would be a problem someday. Hmmm. Ok. My mom is going to buy each boy a new cd before our vacation this summer, and they have been having fun making little wish lists. My younger son wants a Glee cd. My older son wants either a Glee cd, a Taylor Swift cd or a Britney Spears cd.
I'm sure plenty of people could have a field day with those choices.
Heck, I don't even know what my point is anymore. Just that kids should be allowed to choose what they want, in an age appropriate fashion.
Anarchist Girl Scout says
Personally, I don't think it matters so much the intended gender of the toy, but the quality of it. I wish there was never another toy gun or big torpedo boob Barbie dolls made again. Those things are damaging regardless of the gender that's playing with them.