Last week, I posted half of the recent interview I had with the lovely Sarah of Yes and Yes. She interviewed me for her True Story series, and I’d love to share the rest of my answers with you today, friends! I hope you enjoy it, and as always, feel free to send me your own questions to mellow1422 [at] aol [dot] com, or leave them in the comments below! xoxo
What are the biggest misconceptions about disability and dating?
Definitely that women with disabilities aren’t interested in dating. Sometimes, people forget that we’re just like them. Maybe they think that we have “more important things to worry about,” but we want love just like anyone else.
How have the people in your life reacted to your dating life?
Actually, people in my life haven’t ever been very vocal about my dating life. I’m not sure if that’s a good or a bad thing. Thank goodness, no one has ever said anything offensive. Maybe they didn’t see me making a big deal about my dating life and took their cue from me. I’ve found with my disability that if people don’t know what to say, then they don’t say anything at all. And honestly, I’d rather have them ask than not ask. It’s not like I have some big secret that I don’t want to talk about.
What advice would you give to anybody in a similar situation?
Be honest. Be true to yourself. My parents raised me with the belief that I could do anything, and it’s that sense of independence that has made me reach for so many things in life. Yes, there are obstacles in my way because of my disability, but I don’t let them stop me. I’m grateful for all their encouragement.
[Photo via Le Love]
My disability Q&A: On overcoming obstacles
Man Candy Monday.
Found: The Perfect Watercolor Cookies
Autumn Earrings Giveaway!
Jes says
this is such a wonderful interview.
so glad you shared it with us and i love how candid you are with your answers.
-jes
http://www.twosmuppies.com
Stephanie says
I loved your answers! Great job! : )
Lisa Griffin says
This is a great interview and I think being so open and honest is a great example for other people
in dramatic fashion
Dancing Branflake says
I loved this, Melissa. I just want to repost this all over.
pve design says
Melissa,
I love that your parents raised you with the belief that you could do anything. Every child should be so fortunate. As a Mother myself, I see how important it is to continue to foster enthusiasm and encouragement.
Thanks as always for your true honest friendship here in blog land.
I know that I do not leave as many comments as I would like, but you would make me proud as my daughter to have such gratefulness for love and for life.
pve
Blue Jean says
I asked my guy friends if they would date a disabled girl. I'm only using the first letter of their names b/c I didn't say I would be posting this. B flat out said no b/c he couldn't deal with it. A is really shallow and he freely admits it. He said he's too shallow to date someone that was the C word. M said only if they were sexually compatible. He said he couldn't have a LTR without good sex. S answer surprised me. He is the most intellectual of my guy friends. He said he would have to make too many compromises in his life to accommodate a disabled gf. He said he doesn't have the capacity to love someone in that condition. My own SO said he wouldn't leave me if I ended up in a wheelchair, but he wouldn't feel comfortable beginning a relationship with a disabled girl. Finally, Z said he might if she were really independent like the guys in Murderball. I just Googled it myself. But she would have to be really hot to make up for not being able to walk.
Blue Jean says
It's me again. My brother just called & I asked him the same thing. He's really immature so I wasn't surprised when he said "I just don't have it in me." But he went on to say that it would be selfish on her part to expect him to take care of her. I said "what if she's really independent?" He said she would never be independent. He talked about modifying doorways, special cars, physical therapy, and ramps on buildings. He said disabilities add further complications to the already complicated game of love. That's how he put it. Sorry that my posts couldn't be more positive. But I think you do a great job talking about how we all just want to be loved, whether we are disabled or not.
Anonymous says
No one is suggesting that you should be looking for love amongst the non-physically disabled, but as the above person stated, it's really a tough sell. If you were willing to mingle with the physically disabled, where would you find them? There are several on-line dating and friendship websites dedicated to those with special needs physically. How lovely it would be for you to find someone who truly understands what you deal with on a day-to-day basis. Yes, you are fundamentally like everyone else, BUT…..in addition, you have the 600 lb. elephant in the room as evidenced by your wheelchair. For most guys, that is extremely intimidating & unfamiliar territory to approach and deal with. I just don't think disabled guys are out there amongst the general population. Like you, they probably stay home alot and use the computer as their main source of socialization. I really urge you to develop a friendship on-line and see where it goes. Best of luck!
Girlie Blogger says
This is wonderful Melissa. I like what you said about being honest. Even for people without disability, honesty is key.
When I met my husband, I knew I had fertility problems. He was very forgiving, even though all he wanted was a big family. It was very liberating telling him my big fall back.
Melissa Blake says
Yay! Isn't honesty refreshing! PVE, thanks so much…now that i'm older, i can only imagine how hard it must have been on my parents sometimes, but they never showed it. I'm grateful to them for that. xoxo
Melissa Blake says
Blue Jean — interesting answers from your friends. I wonder, though, if they actually got to know a girl with a disability, if their answers would change. It's easy to think of the idea in objective, abstract terms, but it might be different when you add a face, name and personality to it, you know?
Melissa Blake says
Anon — where do you "find" people with disabilities? I hate to break it to you, but we don't live in sheltered caves somewhere. We live amongst the general population. Shocking, I know, but we do.
Melissa Blake says
p.s. and the computer isn't my main source of socialization, either, just to clear up that rumor too. I'd double check where you're getting your facts from. 😉
Anonymous says
Another anon chiming in. The first anon is right. Disability is a very tuff sale. Even if the chick was hot and ez to get along with, I don't think I could do it. Maybe its more a reflection of my character than her, but I couldn't consider dating a chick in a wheelchair. A relationship is about being equals, not being a burden to the other person. I don't know how else to say it. You might be better off dating a guy who is also in a wheelchair. I wishing for the best.
Anonymous says
I've been following your blog for a while and I really, really like it. This interview is fantastic, but I was really surprised by some of the comments listed below… some of them aren't very open- minded or positive… life is too short for that kind of stuff.
April says
if you can't find a physically disabled guy in the general population, where can you find him? area 51? the bermuda triangle? atlantis? i'm genuinely concerned since physically disabled men ARE a part of the general population–just like atheists, the gay community, and even justin bieber fan girls. but i digress. next time i want to hang out with any physically disabled friend who just so happens to be male, i'll be sure to catch a spaceship to mars. melissa, will you be getting a ticket as well? make sure to get your mom one–you know, since you don't talk to anyone else besides her, despite, well, for example, talking with your students at work which involves… you know, talking to students, LOL. (in case the sarcasm radar took a day off today, melissa: this is indeed sarcasm :))
Anonymous says
I wonder if these comments are meant to be helpful or hurtful. It's not that I completely disagree with some of the things being said, but I can't imagine saying them to someone I'm not close with. I also can't imagine saying them to someone who is particularly vulnerable. In no way will telling Melissa she has no friends be helpful to her. It's mean, plain and simple.
Anonymous says
Looks like Anonymous called you out, Melissa. Don't let it get to you. All you have to do is share. Share your adventures of girls night out to the mall, movies, weekend getaways, and spas. If all you do is hang out with your mom and talk to ppl on the computer, then you would truly be lame. Since you said you are not that way, share your fab adventures with us. Pics would be nice.
Melissa Blake says
And as I've said millions of times before, I DO share. Just because I'm not posting a play-by-play of every single waking hour of my life doesn't mean my life isn't rich and fulfilling. I'm content with my life, and frankly, it's sad that you seem to be so concerned with my life, the life of a random stranger. Maybe you're the one who isn't content.
Anonymous says
I know you posted this a long time ago, but I have just now discovered your blog (thanks to your article in XOJane) and have been browsing through it. Anyway, I really liked this entry, particularly your response to the last question.
Best,
Sonia