TO: Men all over the planet
FROM: Melissa
RE: Women love nice guys. Really.
DATE: November 7, 2011
Whether she admits it or not, boys, every girl goes through a bad boy phase. It’s just something that inevitably happens, much like teenage acne and the birds and the bees talk in junior high. It’s almost as if it’s become a rite of passage — a time-honored tradition that gives you a taste of the dark, wild side. It happened to me in the form of that nude model/lifeguard I ogled from afar that one glorious, unbelievably hot and humid summer. It also happened a few years later in my sophomore English class when I fell for a senior who was on his third or fourth time of taking the class and was being held back from graduation; gosh, I’d never thought underachievement could get any sexier.
And so it’s during this time that we shun you, nice guys of the world. We avoid you like the plague because to us, you represent everything we don’t want: Safety, comfort and stability. We want wild and crazy. We want excitement and sheer unpredictability. We want reckless abandon. We want all of these — even if it’s only from afar, as in my case.
It’s sort of sad when you think about it, isn’t it? Nice guys don’t get enough credit. Maybe I feel for these nice guys because I know what it’s like. I’m the nice girl, a sash I now wear proudly as if I’ve just won the Miss America pageant (shut up, Anonymous). When did it become such a bad thing to just be nice?
Because you know something? The charm and allure of those living-on-the-wild-side wise guys eventually fades into, well, nothingness. All that safety, comfort and security? Those are suddenly the very things you find yourself craving; they’re almost impossible to live without. And it’s in that moment that we realize it’s time nice guys finish first. Because while bad boys will sneak into you bedroom at night, nice guys will bring you hot chicken soup during the day when you’re sick. Because while bad boys will do everything to avoid meeting your parents, a nice guy will walk into dinner with a firm handshake, eye contact and a smile. Because while bad boys don’t want to grow up or see a need to even look into the future, nice guys do and are. Because while bad boys might be good sprinters, nice guys are in the marathon for the long haul.
You can count on one thing, boys; I’ll be waiting at that finish line for you.
[Photos via We Heart It]
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Jessi Haish says
What a great post 🙂 This is exactly why Memo to Men are my favorites! And I loved your line about underachievement being sexy…unfortunately, I think we've all thought it before!
Melissa Blake says
Ha, I was a little worried about putting that one in there….this guy would just slouch down in his seat like he didn't care about anything. My 16-year-old mind just thought it wasn't THE coolest thing ever. Now, not so much.
Maggie says
It's so true. We go through that phase, but then we find the nice one and end up sticking around because it doesn't take long to learn what really matters.
Rebecca says
You are spot on! 100% accurate.
Alison says
I married the nicest guy I know. And while there isn't the thrill that I sometimes imagined or read about in romance novels. There is the thrill of safety and happiness in knowing that he wants your happiness more than anything else. That beats motorcycles, leather jackets and chipped shoulders any day of the week. Great post
Julia says
Ohh this brings me back to the day that I turned down the nice boy for the boy who was repeating our grade again… How true it is that we all do that some point in our lives! But I'm still waiting for that nice guy to appear. Someday 🙂 but if I happen upon a bad boy who happens to be like/look like Heath Ledger in 10 Things I Hate About You, I might not be able to resist!
April says
so right. girls may want a bad guy at one time but in the end we always go right back to the good guy. my mom dated bad boys all through her teenage years and didn't think she'd ever want a nice guy. that's why it took so long for her to fall for my dad like he'd fallen for her!
alixrose says
I went through that phase too and sure sometimes it shows it face once in awhile, but at the heart of it a nice guy will win this heart.
Dionne says
So true. So glad I got over the Bad Boy Phase and realized that they will always be that: boys.
Rhiannon {Hey Gorg} says
I love this, Melissa. You know what's funny? When I decided to maybe give the nice guy I chance, I ended up finding my husband. I love your letters 🙂 I think they are so wonderfully put!
Anonymous says
The thing is, 'nice guys' and 'bad boys' are a false dichotomy. GOOD guys can be either, and just because a guy is 'nice' doesn't mean he's one of them- quite a few 'nice guys' are only nice when they stand to gain something from it (such as to make people like them or do what they want), and if it doesn't work or they don't need to anymore, their ugly side comes out (most accounts of abusive relationships start out with 'he was so nice…in the beginning'). Similarly, there are quite a few guys who can act like a bit of an ass, who work to project the whole 'bad boy' image, but who you can count on to come through for you if you need them to, and who are actually decent people at heart. Of course there are also plenty of rotten 'bad boys' and genuinely 'nice guys' too- my point is that the true measure of these things isn't in a motorcycle jacket and a slouch versus a tie and a smile, it's more in whether they have your well-being at heart, rather than just their own. And that takes more than just a first impression and a one-or-the-other label to figure out- it takes time and experience with someone to see the actual man behind his chosen mask.
Melissa Blake says
i love all these stories…thanks so much for sharing! xoxo
Melissa Blake says
Last anon — you're right. i never thought of it that way, but it makes sense.
Wendy says
Melissa, you are the BOMB when it comes to describing this stuff! I dated may share of the bad boy personality type, now I look back on them and gag, lol. My heart belongs to a nerdy, eye glass wearing, mellow, funny, sweet, nice guy who I find incredibly sexy.
Anonymous says
I've dated "bad boys" and it didn't work out and I also dated a lot of "nice guys" where it didn't work out either. They were sweet and constantly there for me and would bend over backwards but I just didn't feel any chemistry. I think this is where "nice guys" get frustrated, but love takes more than just two nice people being nice to each other, and it's always disappointing when you figure that out. But I do think it's what makes love so special, that you need something intangible.
Melissa Blake says
Anon — your last sentence is wonderful! LOVE it! xoxo
Just M says
I've had my share of bad boys. The ones that I know that I shouldn't date or marry for that fact. Some people to me are TOO NICE. And yes there is such a thing in my opinion but that just means that they aren't the person for me.
What I need to find is the guy that can be "nice" and "good" and still have a little bit of excitement in him. I'm almost too much for me to handle. I need someone that can keep up.