I’ll just come right out and say it: I hate bullies. In fact, there’s nothing I detest more.
I hear the stories from my mom, the stories of her students who are afraid to come to school, the stories of students who don’t think twice about laughing at and calling other students down-right nasty names. I’ve even witnessed bullying more in my adult life than I ever did as a teenager. People who thrive on putting others down just to make themselves feel superior is just, well…incredibly sad. And when that bullying takes the form of adults bullying other adults? It’s just plain pathetic, isn’t it? No one should ever have that much power to make you feel so small.
So in honor of October being Bullying Awareness Month, I was so glad when I came across the recently released anthology Dear Bully. The book features 70 authors reflecting on their own experiences with bullying, whether they were the victims of bullying or the ones doing the bullying.
It scares me that more and more people, especially adults, are thinking it’s cool to turn into real-life Mean Girls. Let’s stop it, shall we, friends? The next time you see an act of bullying, stand up and stop it. Because, really, if you just walk by and do nothing, you’re just as bad as those who are doing the actual bullying. 
And here’s an interesting question: If you’ve been a victim of bullying and had the chance, what would you say to the person who bullied you? If you found yourself bullying other people, what would you say to them? What’s your bully story?
You can buy the book here.
P.S. Additional new essays not included in the book are posted once a week here.
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Grace says
When I was a freshmen I was bullied by a couple older boys who thought they were the coolest kids EVER. One day I was trying to go down the stairs of the bleacher seats in the band room, and they blocked my way. I pushed the one boy out of the way, and got right in his face and yelled, "You are the biggest jerk I know and I hate you!", and then ran away as fast as I could. 2 years later I was riding with him to a singing event for choir, and he told me that what I had said had really hurt him, and he realized he was a jerk and that he was sorry for how he had treated me.
It was the coolest thing ever.
Heba says
I definitely agree with you Melissa, I wish people could stand up and stop bullying but I guess they're scared of getting bullied themselves.. its really sad
http://girlynote.blogspot.com/
Stephanie says
I have never been bullied, but I have been hurt by thoughtless words, especially in high school.
Avery started preschool this year I tell her every day that if she sees someone playing alone, or someone that doesn't have a friend that she should ALWAYS see if you can include them or be nice to them. I would be HORRIFIED if my kid was EVER mean to anyone.
Melisande says
growing up i was surrounded by girl drama. i witnessed the most hateful behavior and i'm ashamed to say that as a teenager, i did nothing to stop it. now that i'm an adult and that i'm confident and comfortable in my own skin, i have no problems standing up for others, and myself, and telling a bully to stop. i've also learned that often times the bully may be being bullied at home or has personal issues going on, so i've sometimes tried to befriend or atleast talk to a bully. that way i hope to maybe stop the vicious cycle.
Melisande says
growing up i was surrounded by girl drama. i witnessed the most hateful behavior and i'm ashamed to say that as a teenager, i did nothing to stop it. now that i'm an adult and that i'm confident and comfortable in my own skin, i have no problems standing up for others, and myself, and telling a bully to stop. i've also learned that often times the bully may be being bullied at home or has personal issues going on, so i've sometimes tried to befriend or atleast talk to a bully. that way i hope to maybe stop the vicious cycle.
Byrdi says
I was teased in elementary school and a tiny bit in middle school. I'd actually thank my bullies because it forced me to stick up for myself, gain a backbone, and say "you make no sense and you're just a jerk." Because of that, I don't go looking for friends who don't like me, who I have to impress. Also, as my dad said, "all that it does is show how nasty a person really is."
Melissa Blake says
Grace, that is awesome!!! 🙂
Melissa Blake says
Stephanie, that is an awesome way to approach it with Avery. So many time, it seems like parents don't want to talk about it, and that's where the problems start happening.
Hollie says
I have to agree with you, there's nothing worse than a bully.
I was never "bullied" in school, but I didn't have a lot of girlfriends because my family was poor & all of my clothes were handmade or from Walmart. So I took to hanging out alone, or with boys.
It saddens me so much when I see stories of bullies on the news. Things seem so much worse these days than they were when I was a kid.
Anna Walker says
My nephew is bullied and now he is refusing to go to school anymore! It's awful on how much bullying is so prevalent these days! Especially with the internet being around, I feel like it's making everything worse!
http://annawalker1992.blogspot.com/
april says
i hate bullying. the things people will say with outright disrespect to other peoples feelings are just unbelievable. that's why i like lady gaga so much – she actually met with president obama recently trying to get a law passed against bullying. it's of course a difficult thing to do but i love the effort and someone's gotta stand up and try to stop it.
Sini says
I was bullied all the time in school, for a so stupid reason as my hobby. Horse riding. Mostly it was just verbal,but I even once came back from school with a black eye. After we got out from high school, that summer the worst bully did call me to ask out! Like he had forgotten all what happened. I was able to tell him directly that he made my school time awful and I dont want to ever hear from him again. He said he was sorry,he explained all that because he had a crush on me. True or not,I didnt want to know and i did hang up the phone.
Bullying is awful. I still hate school because of that and now as adult,it was really hard to go back to study more.
Ferchu says
When I was 12 I was teased because I was a bit overweight but I didn´t care.. But when I turned 15 till I was 18 and finished high school, I was bullied to no end… I didnt want to go to school, didn´t want to go out of my own house because of what others were saying about me or even doing to me.
My parents thought I was overreacting so they didn´t pay much attention to it till I was in my last year.
Those were the worst years in my life.
Here in Argentina, bulling is not a big deal, or at least it wasnt 13 years ago. You had to deal with it on your own, to stand by yourself. And sometimes, you´re not strong enough to do it.
Somehow I found the strength to go on every day just wishing it was gonna stop the next day..I know it was naive, but I was so hurt inside, I didnt know what to do or what to believe anymore.
Just 3 months before classes ended someone saw those guys making fun of me, bulling me and even one was trying to hit me and that was it. Authorities had to do something about it… they had to see it to believe me. Let me tell you that THAT made me even angrier cause I was trying to tell them like, 5 years ago about this but my words were never enough.
Now I´m 30.. I´m a woman. Not as strong as I´d love to be but I work on it every day. The wounds are still there and people are still mean sometimes and thats when I notice that the pain is still there. Someone who have been bullied in the past, will hardly overcome it, but I know for sure that will become a person of good. The kind of person that will never hurt anyone and will always be there for the ones in need.
So this month, for all those who suffer bulling..we need to work together in order to stop it. To stand up for them and help it to stop.
Much love,
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creativefashionglee says
I was a victim of school bullying too mainly because I was always new in school, every school year. I say, what doesn´t kill you makes you stronger. While I hate bullies, I learned how to beat them. 🙂
giftsofthejourney says
I had no idea October was Bullying Awareness Month until a friend sent me this link and I read it here just now. I had a timely blog post on bullying just the other day. I was bullied by a 48 ish year-old man on Facebook so I did a cut and past of the Facebook exchange and posted it on my blog. The comment response was interesting and not quite what I expected. Thanks for talking about this subject. Some bullies never grow up and should be called on it whenever possible.
https://giftsofthejourney.wordpress.com/2011/10/22/i-hate-bullies/
Samantha says
When I was a kid I must admit I was strange and lived in my own world. I would laugh when others would try to bully me or just ignore them. Finally they gave up because they couldn't get to me. When I got older it was much harder to over look. It got to me and my self esteem was shattered.
Now I pity bullies. I truly believe that children who are bullies are the ones with the worst home life. They are the ones who are bullied at home by parents and don't know how to act due to lack of positive role models.
As an adult my father-in-law is the biggest I know. He is a horrible man who is caught up in his own self hatred, anger, and drugs. The only way I can stand to be around him is to think about the life he had as a child. The life he could never escape from even as an adult.
I truly believe the bullying could be significantly decreased if schools had the permission and resources to do early interventions with kids who were bullies. A way to set them up with counselors to help them work on their own issues and give them positive outlets for their anger.
Anonymous says
Bullies can be pretty awful. The weird thing is that most of them don't even recognize themselves as bullies- some are pretty quick to jump on the 'bullies suck' platform. I think women especially (since we're expected to be nice all the time) are able to self-justify saying all kinds of mean, denigrating things, aimed to completely tear down the worth of another person, and just go on with this image of themselves as a nice person. Some of the worst bullies I've run into are like this- the especially talented ones are able to do it right to your face in public in a way that few people other than the target can pick up on, through backhanded compliments and subtle jabs, things intended to hurt and isolate you that they can deny if confronted (and you only eventually figure out that you aren't just imagining it because they keep doing it, over and OVER).
Probably the best thing we can do to counter bullying (aside from calling it out when we see it, which is also important) is to try to examine ourselves and our behavior honestly, even if we don't like what we see. It's too easy to get caught up in our own justifications and rationalizations for putting people down, but those 'justifications' don't make us any less of a bully to the people targeted.
Melissa Blake says
gifts, thanks for the awesome link. Glad to know other people are talking about this topic too.
Melissa Blake says
Samantha, I'm so sorry to hear of your experience. good for you for not repeating the cycle with your father-in-law.