TO: Men all over the planet
FROM: Melissa
RE: The Fantastic Five.
DATE: September 12, 2011
A few months ago, Glamour revealed the six questions guys wish you’d ask them. But you know me, boys: I always love turning the tables. I have this picture of us on a date. Maybe we’re in some fancy schmancy restaurant, talking in hushed whispers over candle light and a bowl of shared bread sticks. Maybe we’re enjoying a walk and an ice cream cone on an oceanside boardwalk. Now, inevitably, the conversation might become a bit slow. I’m guessing that this is especially true if this is our first date; this lull or silence in the conversation could be a bit awkward. After all, it’s not like we would have been dating long enough to become one of those couples who are comfortable in those moments of silence.
So to that end, and to make sure I’m prepared for anything, I’ve come up with a list of questions. These are get-the-ball rolling questions that are to be used when your mind is suddenly a blank slate and you can’t even form a coherent sentence to save your life. They should be used, naturally, as a last resort…
What’s your favorite memory from childhood?
This shows that you care about us enough to want to know about our past. It shows that you’re interested in something more than just the here and now. I’ve always said that you know you’re with a good person when they take an interest in your family. Family is so important to me, and sharing a piece of my childhood with another person is one of the greatest feelings in the world.
Where do you see yourself in 10 years?
Just like the childhood question, asking this one, boys, shows that you are interested in more than just right now. You care about our future. That’s a big thing for me – for someone to care about my hopes and dreams and desires. It’s an all-around thoughtful and sexy question (hmm, can questions even be sexy…?)
How has your disability changed you? What’s the biggest misconception you’ve encountered?
This is a good way to ease into discussing my disability. I used to think I’d hate it if I was put on the spot about my disability on a date, but this sort of question would definitely get me talking. At the very least, it would open up some dialogue about it, and maybe set the guy’s mind at ease a little bit. Plus, it would show a guy’s sensitivity, and I’d have the chance to show him how comfortable I am with my disability.
Favorite: Movie, song, television show?
Just because I have to throw a fun one to help loosen us up a bit more. We can giggle over our cheesy picks because, oh yes, boys, there will be some cheese-tastic moments!
What do you like best about you job?
I love seeing someone get excited just talking about their work, seeing that flicker of joy in their eye, so if you want to put me at ease, boys, this is the way to do it. I could talk for hours about how much I love writing and shaping the journalists of tomorrow. In fact, feel free to stop me if I start monopolizing all the conversation. 
The bottom line: Asking the right questions when the conversation grows a bit stale is romantic. Listening with rapt attention is incredibly sexy. I look forward to those early stages of getting to know each other, when everything is new and fresh, and we’re discovering who the other person is. What about you? Are there any questions you think I’ve missed? xoxo
P.S. For the record, the answer is Shag, Fields of Gold and Frasier.
[Photos via My Summer Twist]
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Anonymous says
Melissa,
Is that how you would expect your friends to act around you: ask all the right questions to give you a chance to talk about yourself? Hopefully not. Hopefully you show a genuine interest in finding out about other people and what matters to them. Dating is no different. I don't mean to be rude, but this post sounds really self-absorbed, needy and a little controlling. You can't write a script in your head about all the things that should be discussed on the date or keep a mental check list of item to cross of your agenda. Dating is actually more intuitive and organic than that. If you want everything to play out a certain way, you'll only end up disappointed. Go with a genuine, sincere, empathetic interest in other people. Instead of waiting for someone to ask you all the right questions, it's time for you to take an interest in others. If you think that you need to talk about a, b, and c, and only in the order, you are going to miss opportunities to organically, naturally connect with people on an intimate level.
Different anonymous says
Agreed with first anonymous, 100%. It's not going to be a guy interviewing you. These kinds of interactions aren't something you can prepare index card prompts for. I know that's scary for you, especially since you are so far behind so many of your peers in this matter, but you just have to practice with people, get some real experience, not try to plan everything out on your own.
Different anonymous says
And as a follow-up: these questions tend to get sound bite answers. Something a little smooth from overuse, simplified and censored, and ultimately shallow. If you want to get to know people in a deeper way, you have to ask the questions that need asking when the time is right, not whip them out when there's a conversational lull.
Anonymous says
oh, Melissa is just having a little fun. Lighten up people!
And I think she's imagining this exchange as a back and forth, not a one sided convo.
Melissa Blake says
Maybe I should have clarified that in the post…these questions would also work for the other person. A fun way of getting to know each other! 🙂
April says
agreed with first two anonymous'. your attitude
in most of your posts suggests you will only be satisfied if the guy is the one making every move, showing interest and asking questions. i know you have no experience and therefore don't know what to expect but honestly if you expect real-life to live up to dialogues you've made up and thought over to a point where they must come out a certain way, you are never going to give any guy a fair chance and you will be disappointed every time you discover that relationships, and conversations at that, don't work out just the way you plan them meticulously in your head.
Anonymous says
Last anonymous- that was uncalled for.
I believe there is someone for everyone, Melissa, but I think that you need to actively start looking for your someone instead of indulging in fantasies.
Where is the new feature you were talking about last week? I wish you would do something that is more personal to you. You don't care about fashion and everytime you make posts like that, or wedding posts, your blog becomes more generic.
Melissa Blake says
Hey April — I by no means want everything to come out a certain way with a guy. Not at all. This was just meant to be a light hearted post. I'd always assumed I'd be asking the guys a ton of questions too…
Melissa Blake says
Last anon — I've always wanted this blog to be a mix of the light-hearted and more serious. I have a wide variety of interests and enjoy exploring them on my blog.
April says
fair enough. no rudeness meant in my post, i just think once you start dating you'd find things a lot easier if you don't plan things out in advance so much. i know from experience that planning and making assumptions is the worst thing you can do in a relationship and it takes the fun out of things! just a heads up.
Melissa Blake says
Always appreciated!! 🙂
Grace says
Lol any guy you go on a date with better ask about your crazy Publications Students. 🙂 'Cause we will know all about him!
Melissa Blake says
Hahaha, Grace! I just might keep him a secret… 🙂
Anonymous says
I sometimes wonder… How do your friends and family react to your blog where they can easily read everything about you? You've put a lot of things about yourself here (under your full name), including your most intimate thoughts, fears, EXPECTATIONS, not to mention your whole list of likes and dislikes, favorite stuff etc. I wonder if your potential date would have anything else left to explore by himself… Same thing with the Letters to Your Future Husband – thousands of people read them on a daily basis. Your future boyfriend might have read them already too. Sorry, maybe I just don't get it – I understand that you have your fantasies, but you kinda kill them all before they even happen, because you open yourself up so much, and most of your readers are complete strangers to you. And what when your date finally comes? There's a huge chance that he will have known about your blog before dating you. I, personally, would feel freakin' pressured if I dated you! All your friends and readers thinking that OHH MELISSA HAVE FINALLY FOUND SOMEONE!, and you would probably write a post about me.
Jenny in Ohio says
Hey Melissa,
I hope these comments don't get you down! These commenters don't have to read your blog if they don't want. They can easily click off it, and I suggest they do.
You have ever right to post whatever you want, and will find a man who doesn't mind it.