Friends, we’ve talked about unrequited love before. And you know that I’m all too familiar with the perils of unrequited love — it tends to taunt me like a wild night in Vegas, only with less fan dancers and glitzy slot machines. But what we haven’t talked about very much? The person you become years later, long after said unrequited love has walked out of your life and out of your heart.
Take ex–Marine Man, for example. Remember him? We were co-editors of my old college newspaper (ironically, the one I am now the adviser for…). I was a young, naïve (OK, more naïve) girl who had just turned 20, and he was a “mature” 25-year-old who had seen the world and lived. I would have gone to the ends of the Earth for this guy. That was the best year of my college career — and before you say anything, yes, I still managed to learn a thing or two about journalism. The year ended, and like the changing of the seasons, time passed, and we went our separate ways.
But then I started to realize something: All those “loves that never were” did in fact change me. They helped me grow as a person. It was weird, but even though ex-Marine Man and I hadn’t dated, it sort of felt a bit like a breakup, almost as if I was saying goodbye to a part of me. True, ex-Marine Man didn’t know how I felt, but that didn’t stop us from forming a friendship, and we’re changed forever by friendships, whether we admit it or not. 
So maybe we shouldn’t be so quick to dismiss these as failed attempts at love and regret them in one fell swoop. Maybe, after all, they do have a place in our lives. Maybe it’s only in looking back years later, through the lens of time, that we can figure out where exactly that place is. For me, maybe that place is a newspaper office where two editors once poured over huge dummy layouts (yes, this was in the stone age before the days of InDesign). It’s a nice place to go to every once and awhile.
I’m curious, friends: What was the unrequited love that made the biggest impact on you? How did it change you? Did you ever end up telling the person how you felt? Do you think unrequited love is overrated? I’d LOVE to hear your stories… xoxo
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The Virgin Monologues
Blue Eyed Night Owl says
What a great post!
I myself am not a very lucky girl when it comes to romance, in fact I have had absolutely no experience with it whatsoever. And I do have to say that it, though I'd love to see it differently, it still has its upsides too.
I think people, from quite an early age, get caught up in relationships and don't get to grow themselves because of it. Alone time can be quite useful and I also think it will help to get a clear image of what you are actually looking for while getting to skip some unfortunate first attempts you might otherwise have had.
ROBIN says
Boy could I elaborate on this subject.. but will just say my unrequited love(s) was best left that way. Looking back now, and seeing the real me again, I know it was for the best.. .though hard at the time.
Rebekka Seale says
I don't think unrequited love is overrated at all…in fact, I think what makes it so awesome is that it never had a chance to go wrong!!! Okay…that sounds really cynical. What I mean is, unrequited love can always live on as something that had the potential to be perfect. Realistic? No way. Romantic? Totally! What can I say, I guess I just love a good story!
For the record, as dreamy as unrequited love can be, I do like real, honest, day-to-day love much better 🙂
Michelle * Viva Revival says
Great post. I was unlucky in love for…so…many…years. Meaning-no dates! I had so much unrequited love. And I'm totally fine with that now. At the time, it would drive me crazy. I met my husband a couple of years ago and it was worth it to go through all that, once I met him. I really wouldn't change a thing now. I do think it made me the person I am. And once you meet your husband, I think all the waiting will be worth it too, he'll be special! 🙂
Anonymous says
Timely post. A guy from my past just got married, and I've been thinking about this a lot. I've been in a wonderful, happy relationship for 3 years, so I've been feeling confused (and a little disappointed) about how this news is upsetting me. It's not that I still love him – It's more about knowing that time of my life is completely gone, just a memory now. He was somebody I worked with and was in love with and to make a long story short I had to leave the job to move on with my life, because he'd become my whole world. I got a burst of courage one day and up and left…got a new job…put into motion circumstances which led me to meet my now-boyfriend very shortly afterward.
I don't think he'll ever know what an impact he had on my life. Indirectly, he changed my life more than anyone or anything ever has.
Stephanie says
I was in love with my husband for a long time before I ever told anyone, especially him. He had liked me in middle school and high school, but by the time I came around I thought that ship had sailed. I tried to just be his friend, and keep the whole "love" think to myself. Turns out he still felt the same way and we ended up married. However, I think that if we had dated in high school it wouldn't have worked out the same way. So sometimes unrequited love works out I guess. : )
Mr Lonely says
walking here with a smile. take care.. have a nice day ~ =D
Regards,
http://www.lonelyreload.com (A Growing Teenager Diary) ..
Maria says
*sigh*
Unrequited love = the story of my life. At least in the romance department. Everyone I've liked hasn't liked me. Everyone who likes me, I don't like. Nothing seems to match up.
I'm getting over an unrequited love right now. I didn't tell him. It's best that way. My heart got broken. Lessons were learned. I have to learn to move on. Life goes on.