Last week, my therapist and I somehow found our conversation drift toward the topic of fate. Well, not fate exactly — more like the cosmic order to things. Still, I couldn’t help but wonder: Are there certain things in life that are just destined to happen?
You know me, friends, I’m a very logical person. I tend not to believe in things I can’t see, hear, touch or otherwise experience with any of the 5 senses. Some may call it being cynical. I call it being a realist..or, at least that’s what I called it until I slowly started to feel differently. I’m not sure what changed me. My father‘s death? My battle with depression? Turning 30? Whatever the cause, the outcome is clear: I’m a lot more of a “believer” than I ever thought I would be.
Maybe it just makes us feel better to believe that there’s something else out there in the cosmos, that there’s some sort of rhyme and reason for things. Maybe it helps us make sense of things — a way to easily explain and put into words the unexplainable. If nothing else, at least it lets us know that we’re not alone.
And when it comes to love? I suppose when you talk about fate, you can’t help but think about soulmates. I used to be certain that every single person in the galaxy (yes, galaxy!) had a soulmate — your other half who will give you butterfly and fireworks the first time you meet them. But now? While a part of me still believes in soulmates, I sometimes wonder if it’s possible to have more than one soulmate during the course of your life. Someone who comes into your life at a certain point, almost as if both your paths were meant to cross at that exact time. True, you might not have found your soulmate in this person, but you were meant to meet them, and they were meant to meet you. It’s nice to think about, isn’t it?
I sometimes pictures our lives, the parts of our lives, like little chesspiece on the gigantic game board of life. Do you ever think that way, friends? Let’s chat! xoxo
[Photos via Audrey Hepburn Complex]
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Anonymous says
I do believe that everyone comes into our lives for a reason. It's part of letting go. I really think that is an important conversation you are having with your therapist. Letting go of our need for control and order is a huge step to self-awareness and happiness. It's not easy though, but I think that if you (or anyone for that matter) can be ok with the idea that we can't control everything, you will open up so many more amazing possibilities for yourself.
Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional – Buddhist Proverb
Rachael says
I believe in fate, not sure why but it's always seemed a natural thing to me. Soul mates yes, and I do think we can have more then one and I don't think they necessarily have to be your partner.
mai says
I am a HUGE believer in fate. I feel like when you believe in it, it helps you cope with the negativity in life better. I have this statement written above my desk as a reminder. "Everything that happens to me is the best possible thing that can happen to me". It's my way of reassuring myself that everything happens for a reason.
Samantha says
I asked about this once and got into a conversation with a monk at the monastery that I attend about this. To make a long conversation short he told me that the things that happen in our life happen because that's what we bring in. When we are ready to evolve the universe will give us the experiences that we need to learn to grow. We are all suck in a never ending cycle of extreme ups and downs and these lessons help us to understand the pains, the sorrows, and happiness without becoming attached to it.
So I don't believe in fate, but I do believe that things to happen for a reason. However I also do believe that their is someone for everyone.
Melissa Blake says
samantha, that's really interesting.
Melissa Blake says
Anon, yes, i do have a tendency to want to be in control. 😉
Marjorie says
This is hard for me…I feel like things in my life all happened for a reason a lot of which I couldn't see till later in life, some of which I still don't understand. However, when I see other people's lives I sometimes doubt fate but believe it's just got to be dumb luck or something. Like when a bad person has all these great things going for them, but a wonderful person keeps experiencing misfortunes. Doesn't make sense.
Daydream Believer says
I never believed in fate until I met my husband. It's a long story, but I have every reason to believe in it now.
Shani says
I think everyone and everything comes into our lives for and reason. Either to strengthen us or knock us down a few pegs.
I'm a Christian, so I tend to take things from a Christian stand point. But, if you read the book of Job, God allowed Lucifer to torture that man and he was good (responsible, honest, loving, etc.) The moral of the story was that Job knew that everything was happening for a reason and that he was to remain faithful to God and believe that everything was going to work out. I think Trials and Tribulations are an important part of life.
I believe in soul mates too. I don't think in necessarily has to be your SO. It could be your friend, pet, family member, etc.
Hollie says
I think this is one of my favorite posts of yours. I've always struggled with this issue. The romantic in me wants to believe in fate and soulmates.. but the realist in me knows that we are capable of loving more than one person, with all of our hearts.
With that being said, I think there is some kind of force that pulls us towards the people we are meant to encounter.
Anonymous says
I agree with you about soulmates – I feel I have had a few, and not in a romantic sense – friends who were in the right place at the right time.
I do believe in fate, but I think it's a two way street; you have to be truly open to possiblities and that's when they arise. Hence the popular advice that love happens when you stop looking for it and so on. Put your future in the hands of the unknown.
Anonymous says
I should add that I experienced such a feeling of relief when I "gave up" trying to find a boyfriend. I was always hoping every trip to the bookstore, every class in college would hold some sort of cute scenario where I'd meet a guy. It got to be very disappointing and frustrating and I got bitter. I finally decided to stop thinking about it! And that decision was a weight off my shoulders I had been carrying for years. There is a lot of freedom when you give up control; if you're like me a lot of the expectations/goals/deadlines you have are from yourself, and you are too hard on yourself.
I've followed your blog for a long time and you remind me very much of myself – expecting romantic situations to happen a certain way, and they never do! Grr. And wondering why it's so "easy" for everyone else. Well, looking back, I think the big reason was most people don't stress over it the way we do. They just take things as they come and don't strive for perfection. Perfectionism can be crippling.
(Please don't take this comment as a critcisim! I just relate to a lot of what you wrote about, and am speaking from my experience.)