TO: Men all over the planet
RE: Let love in.
DATE: August 15, 2011
Remember last year when I wrote a response to a commenter that suggested I lower my standards when it came to dating and looking for love? Well, boys, I received another comment over the weekend that got me thinking more about this topic. This comment, granted, was more subtle, but it still opened that wound again for me:
I pitied him that he couldn’t drive his own car, hop out and run in for a few groceries. I know I could never fall in love with someone like that. I know I am not alone in that conclusion. But there has got to be someone who will. Have you tried to date a disabled man? I think you would have a boyfriend in no time.
I’m not sure what to make of this, boys, but I do know one thing: It makes me incredibly sad. Sad because it’s one giant insult wrapped in a compliment. The compliment being that I could find love. The insult being that no one else except another person with a disability could ever love me or find me attractive. Does society really think that little of people with disabilities? Don’t they know that we’ve stopped thinking so little of ourselves a long time ago?
What would happen if I were to be a bit bold and venture a bit outside my zone, outside that tiny pool of “potential beaus.”? That answer is simple: I’d be hurt, my heart bruised and tossed aside as if it were utterly unworthy of love. Boys, I hope you all know this isn’t true. I am worthy of love, and you know what? You’re worthy of my love.
Love is, well, love. We can’t choose who we fall in love with, or try to force ourselves to love someone just because society thinks it would be easier that way. Love, boys, is sort of like a window. You open it, and you open yourself and your heart to anything that breezes in. But if you close it, you’re closing yourself off to the possibility of something – anything – magical. I’d like to think that we’re more than the sum of our individual parts, that somehow being who we are is what attracts others to us, not what makes them run in the other direction. Because when it comes down to it, boys, I just might be the love of your life, and I don’t think you really want to close that window, do you?
I challenge you to be the one to make me stop asking this question: Why is it so inconceivable that a non-disabled person could – and would want to – fall in love with me? Show me that open window. I’ll leave mine open if you will… xoxo