Letters To My Future Husband: Letter #128.

Dear Mr. Melissa Blake:
Well, hello there. I do apologize for the lack of letters in the last few months, Sweetpea. I’m sure we will have talked all about these last few months eventually (who knows, we could actually be talking about them right now…), but needless to say, they were some of the most confusing months of my life. And now, in June 2011, while I’m not fully back to my feisty self, I have a little of my spunk back. What’s that? You didn’t know there was a time when I wasn’t spunky? Well that makes me smile.

It’s weird to think that years from now, this time in my life will only be a distant memory. I feel as though my mind is trying to process so many different emotions and feelings right now. They all demand front-row-seat attention, and honestly, it can be tiring trying to deal with all of them. I went to a party over the weekend, and even though I had a great time, I just couldn’t shake the feeling of being different from everyone else there. Remember the days when I used to love being different, Sweetpea? The days when I wanted to stand out from the crowd more than anything in the world? I feel like now I’m scrambling to rebuild that sense of self-confidence that I’ve lost. Everyone talked about their lives and jobs, and I just felt as if I didn’t measure up somehow. Am I a 50-year-old in a 29-year-old’s body and having some sort of midlife crisis? I once had such a strong sense of self and my purpose in this world. Life throws you some funny curves sometimes, doesn’t it?
I know, I know. Nobody really ever feels like they truly fit in. And nobody really ever feels like they have everything in their life all figured out. How did you deal with these feeligs, Sweetpea? I think, when it comes down to it, that I’m finally experiencing all those growing pains I didn’t experience in my teens when my peers did. All the wondering who you are. All the questioning about the future (Oh, did I ever mention that I have a tendency to worry about the future? Well, I do…). But maybe I need to just stop trying to figure everything out. I’m trying to put myself on some sort of arbitrary time-table that is just that – arbitrary. Have I stopped doing that by the time we meet? Gosh, I hope so! Until we meet…

[Photos via Le Love]