It seems like my fears have been multiplying this week, friends. And these fears are making me feel paralyzed. I’ve been trying to push these thoughts out of my head like a balloon, but they always seem to return, stronger and more powerful than ever. The thing is, I don’t know how to shut my mind off. My brain seems to be locked in high gear, and I can’t slow it down. I still can’t seem to concentrate on much, and this scares me. I’m also still having trouble writing – how can something that used to come so natural to me suddenly seem like an impossible task?
It’s also so hard to put my feelings into words. The only way I know how to describe it right now is that I can’t think. My mind seems even more foggy, and one of my biggest fears is that the fog is never going to lift. My mind used to be so clear, and now it’s just all muddled. I just keep saying how much I want my life back – all the joy and happiness that I used to know and love. I know healing from depression takes time, and maybe I’m being impatient. I tend to get like that sometimes. I want things to come instantaneously, but with depression, I’m realizing that’s not going to happen. But isn’t it natural to want to get rid of feelings that are so foreign to you as quickly and swiftly as possible?
Thanks for listening this week, friends.
[Photo via We Heart It]
Novelista Barista says
sometimes everything just comes at once and becomes so so overwhelming…. u just got to stay strong and not let that happen… its so hard to give advice on how to do that bc everyone does it differently, but all i can say is that u ahve a lot of people here hoping that u can stay positive and can be strong with u 🙂 xooxo
Dancing Branflake says
I am so sorry. We'll always be here to listen. I wish I could be of more help.
A House and Home says
I'm sorry, and I'm also wondering if you ever had your thyroid checked. Your description sounds so similar to what he experienced before he was diagnosed with hypothyroid, which is so easy to remedy. Good luck!
Stephanie Shepherd says
Hi Melissa. Yes I think it is natural and it is normal. I believe growth can come from being uncomfortable. Is there another hobby that you could get involved with and focus on? Just a thought! Thinking of you.
I'm sorry you're going through this.
I echo Stephanie's advice- maybe you should start a new hobby, meet some new people, just keep yourself busy? it'll be tough, but worth a shot.
i think its perfectly normal to be impatient especially when you WANT to feel better, but you have to wait for your body/mind to reach the same spot on your path, and hold hands =)
Melissa Blake says
Hi house — thanks for the suggestion. I've had my thyroid checked and it was normal.
Thanks for all the positive thoughts. I have a new episode of House to watch tonight, so that will cheer me up! 🙂
Okay, before you judge me on this one just hear me out. Have you ever tried acupuncture? I found someone that I really trusted and talked to them about my depression and the sessions helped. It wasn't a cure all, but they helped me calm my thoughts, boosted my energy, and even helped with my anxiety.
You'll get through this, Melissa. And your writing will be easier and stronger because of it!
Teralyn Rose Pilgrim says
I'm sorry you're having a bad day, honey.
I'm new to this blog, so I don't know what kind of treatments you're going through, but have you tried medication? Some people are against it, but I don't understand why.
It took me eight years to find the right medication for me because I couldn't communicate with my psyciatrists very well and they weren't great listeners. When I finally found The One, it was so worth the search. I finally feel like myself again. It makes me a little sick to think of all the years that were wasted when I just didn't have the right treatment.
Hi melissa, has read this post..I think that all depends on your person.
I don't mean a lot "I fear not to make me understand", but it tries not to think very on this theme..and you will see that everything will be all right.
melissa .. I see the many friends, I can not say about me.
I'm right there with you Gumby. I love you and am with you through this. It almost seems like we are going through the same thing at the same time. I cried tonight because I called my mom and dad and wanted to talk to mom but got dad instead. Mom was sleeping and dad talked to me but when I got off the phone I started crying because I wanted to talk to mom. How irrational can I really be. I feel sorry for James he has seen me cry every single day for the last two weeks. I hope that the doc is able to help me. If you need me you know how to reach me. Love you!!
Sorry you're having such a tough time.
I'm sorry that you are going through such a hard time now. It will take long to feel better, but you know, it's good sign that you want to feel better! and that you want to be normal you again, that is where the healing starts 🙂 little by little the foggy mind starts to clear out, it will come, i'm sure of it 🙂
When I have gone through fearful times, I have always turned to prayer. I will pray that you have clarity. That's what I always ask my mom to pray for me. God is not the author of fear. Just pray and soon this will pass.
its terrible when depression wraps itself around us . i know from years of experience.
and i can also relate at this moment to these feelings. im feeling really doubtful about my abilities and what makes me special .
i hope you get through this hard time in your life. just reassure yourself that it will eventually end and better days will come
Diana Troldahl says
It is very natural to want it gone as quickly as possible, especially for impatient people like me, and maybe you :-}
I had a horrible year so far, with perhaps 10 clear days out of the 90 plus so far this year, but recently I have noticed I had some mornings clearer than the rest of the day, then once, 2 days in a row better than the week before. I hope you begin to notice a clearing of the fog, even if only for an hour.
Mountain Witch says
You must know, as your readers we greatly appreciate you writing thru this and allowing us a rather large window into your life.. I hope you know that a lot of us have been where you are and we are praying for you and sending positive thoughts and energy to you – always.
I know you feel like it will never end, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
Have you ever tried anything like meditation to help clear your mind? Sounds silly, I know, but it might help.
I also once worked with a nun who did reiki, and she helped a lot of people. Maybe some alternative therapies would be worth looking in to.
Max Furniture says
Your description sounds so similar to what he experienced before he was diagnosed with hypothyroid, which is so easy to remedy. Good luck!!!!