I suppose you’ve already won. Something tells me you have. After all, you tempted me into writing this letter, haven’t you? So maybe this is just pointless. Maybe it’s not. Truth be told, I’ve never cared much for you. In fact, it’s not even really a stretch to say I hate you. You get my mind going, and it seems that I can’t stop thinking and feeling and wishing and hoping.
You’ve made me say things, you’ve made me be bold, all at times when just maybe I shouldn’t have been so outspoken and bold. I probably should have just kept my mouth shut because I have this pattern of saying something, knowing it’s wrong and then wondering how I got myself into such a mess in the first place. And what’s worse? I know I should stop. I know I’m a better person than that. But for some reason, the words keep rolling off my tongue so effortlessly you’d think I was a mere puppet and someone was pulling a string on my back. That string, I’m realizing is you. You’re continuing to tempt me, almost like a game, and I’m letting you do it. I’m letting you win.
I hate that I even let you in my heart in the first place. I should have known better. I should have protected my heart better. What I wanted wasn’t what I needed, and the signs were always there. I guess I just didn’t want to see them. It’s hard, though, because you paint such a pretty portrait of what could be. You make me believe in something for the first time, and then you had to go and plant that ugly, annoying obstacle in front of my face. I didn’t deserve that. Didn’t you know that?
You, Temptation, are Cupid’s evil twin, emphasis on the evil. Where Cupid used his arrow-slinging power for good, to bring people together, you use your power to wreak havoc and leave me bitterly confused in your wake. Do you really like tearing people apart and tearing them down. I imagine you siting in some ivory tower somewhere, binoculars and popcorn in hand, watching all your efforts unfold like a sporting event. With me in the center ring, of course. You like to watch me fall when all the while, I’d just like to watch you fall for once. Maybe then you’d know how it feels to be the little guy for once.
Temptation, you make me feel things I shouldn’t, for people I shouldn’t be feeling them for. Why must you taunt me so? If you’re looking for a friend in me, you’ve picked the wrong girl. You’d think I’d be strong enough to resist your charms. You come waltzing in here, giving me this false sense of hope, only to have it snatched away again. You make me feel invincible. If only that were true. If I were invincible, you’d never be able to find me. That, to me, is paradise.
But you forgot one part of the equation: Every time one of your little spells doesn’t work, each time you disappoint me, I become a little bit wiser to your games. I put my guard up a little bit more, and I’ll be damned if I make as bad of a mistake the second time around. You can only fool a person for so long before the mind games just get old.
So why don’t you just go and practice your talents on someone else’s time. And someone else’s heart. This heart’s been bruised enough.
P.S. Fellow blogger Jessi and I are posting on the same topic today. Check out her tempting post here. 🙂
[Photos via Senseless Heart]