Letters To My Future Husband: Letter #114

Dear Mr. Melissa Blake:
Oh, our relationship. How much did we actually talk about it as we were experiencing it, Sweetpea? You know, what we want, what we don’t want. what we’ll breakout into hives over, if we have any diseases from a past relationship (both literally and metaphorically) that the other person should know about. I like to think I have it all worked out in my head, but I’m sure things will change. Now, don’t hate me for saying this, but here’s what I’ve been thinking lately: I don’t want perfect.

Yes, Sweetpea. You did in fact read that correctly. I, Melissa Blake, hereby do solemnly swear that I do not want a perfect relationship. I’m starting to hate perfect and normal and average. I’ll never ask you to be perfect, but what I will ask of you is that you’re always real. Ahh, real. One of my favorite words in the English language. I don’t want perfect. I want real. Real is the kind of relationship that give us stories to tell our grandchildren. Real is the kind of relationship that lets us get to know each other inside and out. Real is just so much more exciting.
I’ve had perfect. I had the perfect childhood, and look where it got me. My father’s suicide and me being virtually unable to handle it when things get the least bit rocky. I need to build up some reserves or something. Nothing in life is perfect or a sure-thing, and if we keep that in mind going into the relationship, we’ll be all the better for it. Don’t you agree, Sweetpea?

That’s why I want things to be messy sometimes. I want us to have to work at our relationship and really work with each other to make it last. Because really, I’m starting to think that’s the only way it’s ever going to last. Nothing that comes too easy in life (read: things you don’t have to work for) is ever really truly, utterly appreciated. And I want us to appreciate each other every single day.

And speaking of being together, I’m not all too sure how I feel about the term other half. I know it sounds weird seeing as I believe in soulmates, but can you have one without the other? I think so. I don’t really like the idea that as of right now in October 2010, I am only half of the person I’m meant to be. I don’t like to think that for my entire 29 years, I haven’t been complete, that I’ve been only a sliver of myself. With soulmates, you can still be whole even before you meet your mate, you know, Sweetpea?
The bottom line, though: I’ll always believe in love. It’s something that will always pump through me. It’s something that will always give me shivers and starry eyes and a lump in my stomach – the good kind of lump, though. The kind that makes me want to write about you. And the kind that make me say, “Yes, you, Sweetpea, are my soulmate. Even if I’m a whole person, don’t think I won’t attach myself to you.” In the most loving way, of course. Until we meet… xoxo

P.S. You should probably put this letter in a special place. That way, every time I say, “Grrr, why can’t things just be perfect?” you can whip out this letter and tell me, “Because you never wanted perfect, remember?” Consider it your Get Out Of Jail Free card. 🙂

[Photos via Le Love]


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Comments

  4. Anonymous says

    Wow, you're definitely getting into the swing of things again. Your writing is back on top, as it should be, and I'm so happy to be reading your thoughts once again! With that said, this letter is particularly special. What a healthy relationship you and "Sweetpea" will have when you finally meet. There's no such thing as perfect relationships. There's messy & wonderful, and then there's just messy. I hope you find that messy and wonderful kind of love someday. Now, about that soulmate part…I sort of hate the word "soulmate." It's so unbearable cheesy. But, if you substitute soulmate for best friend, it's not hard to swallow the idea of your best friend completing you. It's not that you're not complete right now, but rather your life becomes more enriched. You see what I'm saying? Anyways, good good post.

    Reply

  7. Jude says

    I have to agree with the posters above, I think this is my favorite letter so far! (Can't explain why, something about it just resonates so beautifully for me.) I likewise never liked any of those terms (I've always hated the term "boyfriend", or better half or other half too)…

    Real is always best. Messy and imperfect is where the sweet spots lie, when it's the right person. 🙂 I've had a perfectly imperfect life so far – I embrace it as part of my relationship too!

    Reply

  11. Jane says

    Lovely post. I do believe in "other half," but I don't think it means you are lacking something. I think it means that the other person has the qualities that you lack or wish you had and vice versa.

    Reply

  13. Anonymous says

    "Real is the kind of relationship that give us stories to tell our grandchildren." I think this is the first time you have written to Sweetpea mentioning having a family. You've talked about your values about marriage and dating and sex. You always write so honestly to him, it seems talking about having or not having kids would be just as important. It was always something that I thought about when dreaming of my Mr. Right.

    Reply

  16. L says

    Hi Melissa,
    I completely agree. Real is my favorite word as well. My best friend who I dated for a bit taught me that by trying to be "perfect", I was actually being selfish. Too selfish to give him the opportunity to share in my life, my happiness and pain. I thought I was being giving and super-thoughtful but instead, I was walling him off from who I really was. It stemmed from a deep insecurity…I didn't believe the real me could be loved. I hope that's not the case with you. But everything you wrote resonates with me! I also don't believe in the "missing puzzle piece" idea of love. We're whole and complete in ourselves.

    Reply

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