Letters To My Future Husband: Letter #109

Dear Mr. Melissa Blake:
After we’ve crossed that initial threshold of meeting, I often wonder which one of us will ask the other out. It’s fun to think about all the scenarios and how that could potentially play out. But one thing I’ve been thinking about a bit more lately? What if you’re my first everything?
Wow. Just writing that scares me a bit. Why? Because it’s setting the stage for the potential that our first date could actually be my first date. Ever. Not as in my first date with a guy who wears Hawaiian shirts like I wear polo shirts, or my first date with a guy who loves shopping as much as I do. No, no. I’m talking about my first date with a guy. A date most of my peers went on when they were dooey-eyed teens. I have this conversation that keeps playing in my head of us out to dinner on said first date (you can one day tell me how accurate it is…):

Me (as I try to casually scan the menu, all the while my heart is racing faster than a gambler betting on the Kentucky Derby): So…i’ve never done this before.

You: Eat here? Oh, the food is great.

Me: Oh no, I’ve eaten here too. A lot. I came here with my mother last week and the week before. I mean, I’ve come here with people other than my mother. Just not, umm, you know…

You: Oh, gotcha. I see you’re looking at the appetizers. So you’re an appetizer virgin, huh?

Me (quietly choking on my root beer): I suppose in a matter of speaking, yes.

You: Don’t worry; I’ll help you navigate this appetizer awesomeness.

Me: Alright, I’m just going to say it. i’ve never done this before. And by this, I mean (pointing wildly around) been on a date. This is my first date.

*Dead silence*

Do you see? Do you see how awkward of a situation this can be?

And the first kiss? I have these scenarios playing out in my head, all of which find me incredibly awkward when the big moment arrives. I’m getting lots of visions of the endings of Brat Pack classics and either Don’t You Forget About Me or In Your Eyes on repeat in my head. My eyes looking directly into yours (is that even where I’m supposed to look) and my knees shaking a little bit (a feat, actually, considering they’re surgically fused, and I’ll probably be sitting down for the big kiss). And then I awkwardly try to turn my head (again, I’m not too sure how that’s going to work because of my fused neck, but we’ll see how it goes).
I’m sure that none of this is going to be how I picture it in my head, because rarely does that ever happen in life, so should that bring me some relief or make me more nervous? I haven’t decided yet.

But knowing me, maybe I won’t even tell you until after the kiss. I figure that little nugget of information could serve as a good post-kiss tension breaker.
So please forgive me if I stumble a bit, spill water all over the table or laugh a bit too loudly at your jokes. I’m learning the ropes. Let’s just hope I don’t fall of those ropes.

Until we meet… xoxo

[Photos via Sabino and Le Love]

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Comments

  2. Anna Walker says

    I love this. By reading your blog…I feel like you would ask him out first. When this does happen. Pretend that you have all the confidence of all the most powerful women in the world.

    When it happens, it will happen. And you will figure it out, OR most likely, he will, because he will have been thinking about kissing you for awhile now. Oh and totally look into his eyes or his lips. Looking at the lips usually signals kissing of some sort!

    http://annawalker1992.blogspot.com/

    Reply

  4. Jude says

    I love the idea of concentrating on his eyes and lips – and the delicious food (and forget concentrating on having to explain it's a first date! Plenty of opportunities *after* you savor each others' company, or lips or eyes) 🙂

    Reply

  5. Anonymous says

    Don't worry, I've been dating for a while and I still spill water all over the table and laugh too loudly. Everyone is a little nervous on a first date with someone(whether it's their first ever or their hundredth) because they want it to go well and want to make a good impression. So don't focus so much on how nervous you are and remind yourself that he's a little nervous too. ~ Laura

    Reply

  6. Laura Marie says

    I love this, I really do… And I think what's so frightening (and oddly romantic) about firsts is the way that we can't prepare for them. I'd always imagined my first kiss on top of a ferris wheel or sitting in the sunset or, at the very least, under the moon. The real deal? In some guy's dingy basement, dressed as one of Grease's Pink Ladies for Halloween. But that's life, right?

    I can't wait until you're sharing these notes with your future husband and we all get to hear his reactions 🙂 Who knows, maybe we can see what he writes back?!

    happy monday 🙂
    Laura Marie

    Reply

  8. Lady Grey says

    What a sweet letter, Melissa.
    I have no doubt that you will get your first kiss, and your date, one day soon. And yes, it may be awkward (mine sure was), but it doesn't matter at all actually, because it's just the beginning : )
    oxo

    Reply

  10. Anonymous says

    Hello Melissa! I was in the same scenario so I thought I'd share. Yes the first date ever can seem daunting. Try to think about the fun parts, like giggling with your mom while she helps you choose an outfit. Go into it thinking that at the very least you spending a nice evening with a man and whatever happens, happens. My first date with my boyfriend was also my first date ever. I was 24 and super nervous. We were meeting at the Starbucks in a local mall. Now I had been going to this mall my whole life but I was so nervous I printed out a map from their website so I wouldn't get lost looking for the Starbucks in case my mind went blank. Nerd alert! 🙂 I explained my nervousness on the date as "If I told you how long it has been since I've been on a date you'd think I was crazy." He just laughed. Near the end of the date I said "Okay, I'll tell you how long it's been: ever!" Not sure he totally believed me! So I don't think you *need* to "confess" early on in your date, or at all…I just felt I should offer an explaination for my crazy nervousness! Guessing you feel that way too. Anyway, we've been together almost 2 years. When we reflect on that time, he says it was very sweet and endearing how nervous I was, didn't know how to kiss, and so forth. He feels pretty honored to be my first everything. As for your first kiss, it may not be the most memorable but there will be better ones later on. It's usually a blur anyway! Best, KB

    Reply

  14. Phoenix Rising says

    I love your posts. I love how spot on you are about what you feel – which is what we all feel regardless of ability and disability. Today I wrote about you on my blog. You ARE an absolutely AMAZING person and I am SO GLAD I blog-met you!!

    Reply

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