Dear Mr. Melissa Blake:
By now, I think we’ve covered all my fantasies and ideas about how we meet. Don’t get me wrong. The idea still captivates me beyond belief, but again, even though as of 2010, I don’t have much in the way of romantic experiences, I’m pretty certain of one thing: The events and memories that come after are the true icing on our little love cake.
So after we meet, I’m sure we’ll have some sort of courtship. You know, the kind similar to those in Jane Austen novels, minus the cumbersome corsets, billowing hats and fans; though I wouldn’t be opposed to you being my Mr. Darcy. What do you think of that?
But I digress. You see, Sweetpea, this whole courtship thing might all be new to me. I’m not under some naïve notion that you’ll be the first person I date and end up being the person I marry. But who knows? I didn’t think I’d still be writing these letters nearly two years after I started them. So no one really knows, do they?
That is why I am a big fan of rules. Sure, it can be exciting and exhilarating to just let go and get lost in each other (and maybe we’ll be so swept up in each other that I’ll do that…, ), but for the time being, I love rules and structure. As I learned in my college sociology classes: Rules prevent social chaos. I’m assuming they also prevent romantic chaos, entanglements and just all-around general heartbreak.
I don’t want that. I’m assuming you don’t either.
Now, call me old-fashioned if you’d like. And that’s OK, Sweetpea, because you’ll probably think I’m the most old-fashioned girl on the planet, but that’s OK with me. These are my rules. You can bet I’ll go into more detail in subsequent letters:
Kissing on the first date
I won’t do it. A cordial handshake is all you’ll get. That, and a “thank you for a lovely evening,” assuming it was, indeed, lovely. Now, we can proceed(cautiously!) to a kiss on the check on the second date. Then maybe a sweet peck on the lips by the third date. I think you get the idea here…
Calling after the date
I don’t buy into those waiting-to-call rules. Let’s leave who does the calling and when up to either one of us. Eager schmeager, right, Sweetpea?
1.5 years before even talk of marriage
We need to get in a groove with each other before we can even bring marriage into the picture. It might seem like I’m moving along at a snail’s pace when it comes to our relationship, but I want to do it right. Now, when I say talk of marriage, I’m not referring to deciding to hop on a plane and fly to Vegas on a whim, or even getting married at the county courthouse. I mean just dipping our toes in the conversation ever-so-lightly so as not to be knocked over by a pounding wave. We can casually talk about our dream wedding, our parents’ weddings. And of course, that would be the time (if not much, much sooner…) to broach the subject that you’ve been married before.
NO living together before marriage
Go ahead, call me old-fashioned. And I know people praise the benefits of getting to know someone on a day-to-day basis by living together first, but I honestly can’t see that happening with me. The same goes for those sleepovers. There won’t be any of those. And don’t think I’ll fall for any of your romantic, charming excuses, either. I’m a woman of willpower, as you’ll come to learn. Besides, it’s so tacky when a couple lives together and then asks for all sorts of things for their wedding. Hello, you already have a blender most likely, maybe more than one.
We must have dated for at least 4 years before we marry
You lucked out with this one, Sweetpea. My number used to be much higher: 5. But, as you can see, I’m trying to compromise a bit here. I figure this is a good number. Maybe these 4 years will be sort of a coming attractions to our marriage. The first few months or year is full of bliss, and you’re in a state of constant lovey-dovey euphoria. You think it’ll last forever. It doesn’t, or so I’m told. By the second and third year, you’re really on the path to getting to know someone. And by the fourth year, you’re either at the altar, or speeding out of town and not even looking back.
So now, I invite you to put this letter down, and let’s discuss your thoughts on my rules. After all, you’re the only one of the two of us who knows how many of them I actually followed. Until we meet… xoxo
P.S. If this letter was too much for you, might I suggest an ice-cold Barq’s? 😉
[Photos via cosmic]