Oh my, friends, did I have quite the interesting dining experience this weekend. Well, OK, in typical me fashion, I’m pretty sure the whole scene was probably more exciting in my head. And, as is typical with me, I probably blew a completely awesome opportunity because of my awkwardness and lack of non-slutty forward skills.But I digress. So picture this, friends: I’m dining at the lovely Applebee’s
just like I’ve done many a time before. Then I spot our waiter walking toward us. And of course he’s adorable in that Michael Cera sort of way. Oh, you should have seen it. Me trying to act cool and calm when I could barely even meet his gaze to order my Sierra Mist.
You know how some women try to impress guys by ordering something small? Well, alright, technically that implies that the two people are on a date, but I applied (or should I say disregarded…) the same principle here. I ordered my usual: four mini cheeseburgers and chili-cheese fries. Heck, I may have liked the guy, but as you know, I never let anything come between me and my meaty goodness. As usual, no, that is not a euphemism. Anyway, it was all I could do to not sip my soda like one of those classic ’50’s girls at the soda fountain, giggling every time he happened to walk by, which was quite often, I might add. He was probably trying to send me a message. Yes, that’s it. I’m quite certain of that. He was trying to send me a message even as I stuffed my face full of chili-cheese goodness. Again, no euphemism here.
Now, had I been one of those sophisticated gals, I probably would have done several things when the check came:
*Ask him what he’d recommend for dessert so as to prolong my dining experience a bit longer. Maybe then I could have worked up the courage to say something other than, “Oh, everything is fine” every time he came by our table. What I was really thinking in my head, “Yes, hot damn, you are fine!”
*Written my name and number on the receipt.
But I did none of those things. And gosh darnit, he had to be friendly too. Extremely friendly. And nice. And cheerful. Like, “I-want-you-to-meet-my-parents-NOW” cheerful.What is my problem? Here I thought I was at least getting a little better at this stuff. So, Cute Applebee’s Waiter, if you happen to be reading this (which you’re probably not…), maybe the next time I come in, you can take your break and we can share a Sierra Mist together. How does that sound? xoxo