Tales From The Trenches: Tale #35

This week, Kasey schools us in the delicate, romantic art of kissing. I should probably take notes on this, should I…?

Rule #81
Be a good kisser

This is important. And lots of people are absolutely terrible at it. Some examples of terrible kissers include:

The Suckerfish
This person does not kiss you. Instead, this specimen attaches to one of your lips and sucks on them. Horrible. Don’t do it.

Limp Lip McGee
This person does not make use of the muscles in their lips. They literally push their face into yours, and their lips touch your face. If you are this person, just forget kisses, and try to perfect your hug.

The Slobber Caballero
This person drools. Quite a bit. It isn’t drool exactly (just overactive saliva glands, I suppose), but c’mon. Nobody wants to be slobbered upon. They want to be kissed.

Petrified Tongue-in-Cheeky
This person (presumably) has no idea what to do with their tongue. So, they stick it out. And they kiss you with it. Often. Ewwwie. They literally leave their tongue sticking out of their mouth the whole time. Uncool.
Please, think about how you kiss before you actually do. You don’t want to ruin something good because you can’t figure out how to make out.

[Photos via kissez]