TO: Men all over the planet
FROM: Melissa
RE: Riddle me this
DATE: April 13, 2010
Well, boys, it looks like I’ll be wearing the Dunce cap this week. Surprised? Oh, come on, you know I have no trouble admitting my faults. Really.
But let me start with a question: What’s with the constant joking and flirting with someone you’re not even interested in romantically?
I only ask because right now, I’m feeling pretty stupid. Why? Because I actually, sort-of, kind-of had begun to convince myself that maybe, just maybe a certain guy could see me as something along the lines of a romantic interest. Well, if not a romantic interest, at least the on-ramp to the turning lane to the bridge to the expressway that might lead to your heart.
I know, looking back now, the whole thing just sounds like one giant mess of crazy. But I couldn’t help myself. I mean, this guy is awesome. And more than that, it seemed like he thought I was pretty awesome too, which I am, in case you haven’t figured that one out by now.
He was joking with me. He was making me laugh, and you know, boys, I find it utterly impossible not to fall for a guy who makes me laugh and smile. And damnit, he’s one of the nicest people I’ve ever met.
He probably didn’t even realize it, but he was sort of seducing me with his wit. So what did I do? I did my best to dish it right back, with my own brand of trademark humor, of course.
And gosh, it seemed to be working. I was thisclose to (casually, mind you) asking him out to lunch (you know, taking another bold leap and all that jazzy stuff, but also remembering that I am not a girl who rashly jumps into things…)
That is, until he casually let it slip that he tends to be a jokester with everyone.
Well, that’s good to know, I thought to myself. And if I’m being completely honest, this thought went through my head too:
Seems like I always mistake jokey friendliness for romantic interest. Stupid, Melissa…what are you thinking?
But I’m still confused here. Is this joking with us supposed to make us feel better? You know, sort of like a pity flirt. Are you trying to throw us a bone or something?
Do let me know, boys. I’d really love your insight on this one. Maybe the joke’s on me…? xoxo
[Photos via lavenderdays]
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Faux Trixie says
Some people are just jokey. I joke around with everyone. It doesn't mean I'm flirting… I just crack a lot of jokes.
Strawberry Templetons says
I'm not a fella, but I think I have some insight. Some guys (and girls) are just funny people and like to joke. And joking throughout the day and with people you're in contact with makes any day better. I have many guy friends that I joke around with but I am, by no means, interested in them. What this joking can do though, is lead to a great friendship, which can sometimes lead to a relationship. I would cherish that you two get along enough to share a laugh and build a friendship off of that. And ask him to lunch! Friends can go to lunch! 🙂 Good luck!
septembermom says
I agree with Strawberry. Sometimes a jokey friendship can lead to a romantic one. I always joke around with everyone. A good rapport can start from that kind of give and take. I think lunch may be a good idea!
Georgina says
I love men with a sense of humour. My husband's is particularly wicked (what can I say – he's British). His sense of humor is what lead to us being best friends for 1 1/2 years before we got together. He was just fun to be around. And I liked that he could make other people laugh too. (To me, there is nothing sexier than a man who can make your mother laugh!)Imagine if Mr. Melissa Blake only joked with you but was morose with everyone else? That would be kinda dull. Friendly, healthy humour all around is a good thing. It's a good thing! And if this guys has a sense of humour it will make going out to lunch that much more fun! Just go for it. Go with no other agenda other than having fun with this guy and things, whatever they are meant to be, will just naturally fall into place! Laugh, Wink, Repeat! – G
Melissa Blake says
Laugh, wink repeat. I'll have to remember that one, Georgina! xoxo
Wild and Precious says
i'm wearing the necklace (from beads in the belfry) that i won on your blog… just touched and thought of you! just swinging by to say hi!
Stella says
Sometimes flirting is fun! Simple as that. I tend to flirt with guys a lot…and in a way, I flirt with girls, too. Haha! Stay with me now. What I mean is that we all, in our own little ways, flirt with one another, but it doesn't necessarily mean that we're sexually attracted to that person or want to start dating them. It's more like we just enjoy that person's company and like to play around. Witty repartee is the spice of life, and I have a feeling you're pretty good at it.
I have a friend that ALWAYS runs into this problem you're having, and sometimes I'll remind her that she shouldn't try to turn everything a guy says into a sign. For the most part, guys are pretty upfront. (I like what your resident guy expert has to say about this.)
xo
lucy says
I agree with everyone here. Some people love to flirt and joke with everyone. As a guy's girl, I know a lot of them would take it the wrong way, and I learned that with some people, they misinterpret flirting (or even just being nice) as having a romantic interest. When that happens, I would make a comment kind of like the guy did, just so they know not to misinterpret.
Melissa Blake says
I agree with you all. I'm sitting here thinking and realized I'm probably more of a flirt than I realize too. It's one of those totally unintentional things…
But gosh, this guy is cool. Maybe I'm just wishful thinking again?
Stella says
Well, I think you should try to be his friend…Then, you never know, something might come from that. Organically. And it's a win/win situation, too, because you'll either wind up with a really cool friend or a really cool boyfriend.
Melissa Blake says
Maybe I will just have to ask him to lunch…
Hmmm, not sure why I'm feeling unnaturally bold about this!
Stella says
It's great that you are, though! Or, if lunch seems a bit daunting, maybe you could just start up a really great conversation with him tomorrow, wherever you are. Be yourself – the way you are with us readers – and he'll surely notice what an incredible catch you are!
Anonymous says
“We must only over-indulge with people we don’t want to keep too long." No truer words were spoken, especially when it comes to flirting. Flirting is a art form. And is best practiced on someone you have no intention of bedding. Practice makes perfect.
I enjoy teasing someone, letting them wonder if something more will transpire. When you back off, they want it even more. Then you give it back, morsel by morsel. They let their guard down and tell you their inner thoughts and ambitions. You then tell them something random and they find a way to connect with it. Then you back off again. This drives the other person insane 🙂 Flirting can go on for hours. Good flirts can keep it up for days. Master flirts can do it for weeks and months at a time.
A sense of humor always wins points with the ladies. However, it has little effect on men. You see, men are visually oriented. No amount of humor is going to make a guy forget you are fat, ugly, or… should I say it? YES, YOU SHOULD! … or disabled.
Melissa Blake says
How sad for you, Anon, to have such a pessimistic outlook on the world. I suppose, then, according to your theory, it only stands to reason that no amount of humor will make someone forget just how much of a jerk you are.
Melissa Blake says
Thanks, Stella! We've already had several great conversations. And he's made me laugh during every one of them!
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The Style Mansion says
Hi Melissa,
How are you? I have been busy with business, hence my lack of comments! So sorry, so I'm catching up now!
With regards to joking/flirting , I think sometimes it means something, sometimes it doesn't.There is an English, Northern saying over here which says – "When in doubt…do nowt (nothing)".
I have a friend who says that he has a neighbour who he would talk to. She would often knock and they would have a chat on the doorstep. He,would talk with her in a polite way etc.However, he wasn't interested in her. Then when he brought his girfriend home, the neighbour stopped talking to him.
Obviously, she may have felt that some kind of progress was being made. My friend is very nice, polite, jokey but not flirtatious. Perhaps the neighbour read too much into the interaction, and didn't read the signs i.e – she was always the one to knock his door and not the other way round,she was never invited in.
Just from reading your blogs and watching your videos, I have no doubt that you can attract a nice guy. You have an infectious personality and good amount of confidence, you have a certain allure too and of course that beautiful smile,so it's only a matter of time.
With regards to anonymous, there is a proverb which says to reply to a fool will make the fool believe he has said something wise.
Apologies for hogging your comment space
Take care!
Melissa Blake says
I've missed you, Style! Welcome back. And thanks for your sweet words! xoxo
Anonymous says
Melissa- Saw this article on CNN today and thought of you. Here's an excerpt. It might be something you'd like to try.
🙂
DateAble, which was founded in 1987 by a Washington, D.C., doctor who wanted to give her patients a way to combat the isolation that accompanied their physical disabilities.
The organization has been responsible for almost 1,000 marriages, according to Watson. As one of its first members, he should know: He met his wife, Lynn, at a DateAble Valentine's Day party in 1988.
By pushing a "friends first" concept, which has been emulated in the communal blog and forum features of Prescription 4 Love, No Longer Lonely, and other illness-specific sites, DateAble members can get up to speed on the dating world in a familiar environment without the prying eyes of the Web.
"People with disabilities, especially developmental disabilities, are typically behind the eight ball because they haven't had the practice of dating in college or their young adult life," says Watson. "Many of them never had the puppy love, been broken up with, experienced the fights, or the good stuff."
To make up for this lost time, his best bit of advice is to be totally honest. Even in our post-Americans With Disabilities Act society, notes Watson, failing to mention that you're confined to a wheelchair or dealing with another type of handicap might bring a first date to an abrupt end after a courtesy "I'm sorry" drink.
DateAble, which was founded in 1987 by a Washington, D.C., doctor who wanted to give her patients a way to combat the isolation that accompanied their physical disabilities, charges a $125 initiation fee for the first year and $25 every year thereafter.
For that fee, members get a more personalized experience, as DateAble is more akin to an old-school matchmaking service. The organization has been responsible for almost 1,000 marriages, according to Watson. As one of its first members, he should know: He met his wife, Lynn, at a DateAble Valentine's Day party in 1988.
"I didn't want to try it," says Watson, who has moderate cerebral palsy and was working as a national project director for the United Cerebral Palsy Association at the time. "But I probably knew everybody in my community and nobody I knew wanted to date me or vice versa. Lynn lived 60 miles away, but we made it work."
By pushing a "friends first" concept, which has been emulated in the communal blog and forum features of Prescription 4 Love, No Longer Lonely, and other illness-specific sites, DateAble members can get up to speed on the dating world in a familiar environment without the prying eyes of the Web.
"People with disabilities, especially developmental disabilities, are typically behind the eight ball because they haven't had the practice of dating in college or their young adult life," says Watson. "Many of them never had the puppy love, been broken up with, experienced the fights, or the good stuff."
To make up for this lost time, his best bit of advice is to be totally honest. Even in our post-Americans With Disabilities Act society, notes Watson, failing to mention that you're confined to a wheelchair or dealing with another type of handicap might bring a first date to an abrupt end after a courtesy "I'm sorry" drink.
Rest of the article is here:
http://www.cnn.com/2010/HEALTH/04/14/finding.love.online/index.html?hpt=Sbin
Melissa Blake says
Thanks so much for the info…will have to check it out!
Pepe Fenjul Jr. says
I think I have some insight. Some guys are just funny people and like to joke.
Anonymous says
I have to agree with those who say you're reading too much into it. Mind you, if he's being friendly he at least likes you which is a start. But don't read into it more than that.
Its a common fault, I do it myself when an attractive woman is being friendly I always read too much into it. Sometimes people are just… being nice. Nothing more is intended or implied.