Love Lounge: Cuts Like A Knife.

Disclaimer: Before anyone rides the “I-can’t-believe-you’d-take-messages-from-someone-and-write-about-them” horse, I asked this guy if he would mind me writing about this. Why? Because this is a guy I actually care about and respect.
Oh, yikes, friends. I had yet another “so about what I said…” moment over the weekend. Looks like I actually did give this blog an appropriate title, didn’t I?

Yet what’s even worse? I think I’ve pretty much made a fool of myself and blown everything with a certain somebody before it even had a chance to become any sort of thing.

So here’s the deal: We were chatting, and I told him he should read this letter to my future husband.

Note to Self: If you ask a guy to read a letter to your future husband, do you not see the irony in that? It’s like eating bacon while watching Charlotte’s Web. It just feels all sorts of wrong.

He sent me a message later in the day asking if I had been watching The Notebook sgain. To clarify, no I hadn’t been inspired by the movie in writing that letter, but what does I-think-I’m-funny-and-everyone-else-does-too me do? I write back saying that it’s one of my favorite movies (which it is….) and suggest he watch it.

Note to Self: You should at least know a guy a bit better before suggesting he watch The Notebook. Doing otherwise just makes you look crazy and just slightly unbalanced. It’s probably akin to telling a random guy at a bar that, “I don’t normally do this, but….”
A few hours later, I’m trying to watch the shows on my DVR when the little red light on my Blackberry starts doing its sparkly magic.

Oh, a note from him, I think…

To paraphrase his note, he said that he doesn’t want to watch The Notebook until he can put his arm around a girl he finds incredibly attractive.

Apparently, my inner powerful feminist just had to reply with this message…

Wow, no incredibly attractive girls around? Ouch. You run a tight ship, don’t you?You should really expand your mind a bit.

He just laughed. Well, the online equivalent with hahaha… Maybe out of uncomfortableness? So I wrote back…

Well, I’m just saying that if you can’t find an incredibly attractive (and incredibly smart) girl, you probably have forgotten what I look like hahaha 😉

Yes, I know. I felt bad the second I sent it. So, what did I do? Yup, you guessed it. I sent another note.

So I just re-read your message, and if you’re implying that I am UN-attractive? Well, I’m sorry, sir, but you are most certainly mistaken. Might I suggest you get your eyes checked 😉

And another note.

And wow, somehow I still take that as an insult. 😉 Frankly, you’d be lucky to put your arm around me….because I, my friend, am an overpowering force of awesomeness…

Bless this guy’s heart that he didn’t call me some crazy, psychotic woman (well, not that I know of…), but instead apologized. He didn’t try to defend himself or in fact, admit that I am ugly or even tell me to calm the hell down.
Review: He apologized (did I mention twice….?), and said he didn’t mean to offend me.

So I wrote him back, saying…

I apologize too. I shouldn’t have come down so hard on you. Really, I’m not sure why I took it so personally. It probably reflected my own insecurities. Hope we’re still cool XD

P.S. Would it be inappropriate if I said I’m sending you a virtual hug? 🙂

*Cue gigantic, heavy sigh*

Did I really just pull the virtual hug card? Oh, apparently I did.

I know he didn’t mean anything by it. I even probably knew it when I sent him all those messages, too.

I don’t know why exactly, but that comment stuck with me the entire weekend like a piece of gum that’s entangled in your hair. It struck my insecurity bone. It was a powerful blow, and yet at the same time, it shouldn’t have been. There was absolutely no reason for it.

But why can’t I seem to easily shake this comment as swiftly as I probably could have in the past?
You’d think I’d have learned by now, but apparently, the grand forces in the Cosmos are still trying to teach it to me. I. Just. Can’t. Get. It. Right.

Can someone just slap me? Please. Let’s just get it over with. Because I have no idea what is wrong with me.

[Photos via We Heart It]


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Comments

  3. lucy says

    It's possible that this guy was flirting with you when he said "I'm going to wait to watch it with a cute girl" and you read too much into it, thinking he implied you weren't cute. You could have responded "Well, I'm on my way ;)" and it would have been fine.

    I know a lot of nasty people insult your appearances, but that doesn't mean everyone thinks that. Plus, this guy you were talking to knows you in person, and personality plays a big factor in attractiveness.

    Don't be so hard on yourself, and don't expect others are being so mean.

    Reply

  5. Anonymous says

    Melissa,

    You are way too hard on yourself. This guy was not insulting you and you overreacted. I would suggest waiting to write a second message until after the person has responded to your first message. If you would have left it at the flirty text then there's no harm even if he doesn't respond, but after you send three messages in a row it made it look like you have multiple personalities.

    Cut yourself some slack. Everyone is not insulting you.

    Reply

  6. Lauren says

    I think this is the first time I've commented on your blog but have been following for a week or so now, and I just love it! It's become one of my go-to reads for the day, thank you!

    I can't count the # of times I've hit "send" and wished I could take it all back. Everyone does it and what's more important I think, is how you handle it now. The next time this guy is around or you're texting, I wouldn't bring it up and if he ever does again, you say, "haha, yea was just teasing you" and move on. He'll appreciate that carefree attitude much more than a long explanation.

    Not trying to sound like a know it all, just have been in this predicament before unfortunately! Shake it off, tomorrow is a fresh start 🙂

    Reply

  8. Jane says

    No worries, Melissa. Everyone overreacts sometimes, and you always remember it longer than the other party. Live and learn, and go easy on yourself. It's hard to be sensitive, but it also means that you are more sensitive to the emotions of others which is a beautiful gift. I can't imagine that this will impact your friendship. XOXO

    Reply

  12. Anonymous says

    Lucy is wrong. For guys, personality is secondary to looks. This poor guy is squirming in his seat knowing that you like him "in that way." He will try to play it off and be cool. Deep inside, it will bother him to no end. However, he won't run away just yet b/c he doesn't want to appear rude. It is what he's thinking though. He will find a way to distance himself from you. Don't worry. You never had a chance with him anyway.

    Reply

  13. Anna Liesemeyer says

    Melissa, I just love reading your blog…you really are such a good writer. It seems I am either laughing or crying every time I visit!

    At least you haven't sent a text to a guy that was all about him….when it was supposed to be a tell all to your sister. ooooops!!! wow. that one was one of my all time most embarrassing mistakes.

    Thanks for sharing as always:)
    Anna

    Reply

  15. Laura says

    To a bystander, his comment was probably a very polite way of saying that while he does enjoy talking to you, he doesn't wish it to go any further. By admitting that he doesn't find any girls attractive around him, he is getting boundaries without personally turning you down. I wouldn't take it as an insult, rather, he's just not that into you, OR any other ladies that may be around him. So, it's not just you ;). On to the next one!!

    PS- I think EVERYONE has hit themselves after sending ONE TOO MANY flirtacious texts.!!

    Reply

  19. Mindy says

    I've learned from texting to take a deep breath in, let it out, read over the text a few times. Wait a few minutes. Then reply. Usually that gives me enough time to think it through first. Though it doesn't always work, and I still regret some texts, worst feeling ever.

    But life goes on!

    And you're still the coolest blogger I know 🙂

    Reply

  22. Anonymous says

    Please don't take this the wrong way, but I think that you (as well as any single/taken gal!!) could benefit from the book "He's just not that into you". It really boosts the readers self esteem, while giving credible insights into the male psyche. I used to chase guys before reading it, and it really helped me out.

    Just a suggestion!

    Reply

  25. Mary says

    I just want to say that you are very brave. I have no visible disabilities, though I have my own shortcomings and all the insecurities to go with them, and I'm ever so cautious not to let them play out in public. The mean blog comments of trolls are all it takes to deter me. I just recently discovered your blog, and I'm loving it as I go back through old posts. Keep up the great work! <3

    Reply

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