Dear Mr. Melissa Blake:
“I know it can be challenging being my boyfriend.” That’s one of my new favorite quotes, Sweetpea. Spoken by my favorite Glee character, Rachel Berry; on a side note, I suppose I should warn you now that I’m a lot like her.
Anyway, back to that quote. It embodies everything that I love about her. She is who she is. There’s no compromising. There’s no letting anyone change her. There’s just her. Plain and simple.
Which brings me to us – well, more like to you and me. Honestly, I never want us to get so enamored, enmeshed in each other’s lives that we get that tragic Love Goggle/tunnel vision thing. You know, that scary disease (I suppose you could call it an STD…) where we are incapable of seeing anything else. I don’t want to sacrifice any part of who I am just to please you. Does that sound too harsh. I don’t mean it to be.
Yes, I know relationships and marriages are supposed to be about compromise, but I happen to like the person I am. Why would I want to change just so someone might like me a little bit more. If I did that, then how can things ever truly be real and genuine? They can’t.
I want us to be those separate people that we are even when we’re together. Does that make any sense, Sweetpea?
So with that in mind, I’m making a vow as of today – April 19, 2010. A promise of sorts.
We loved ourselves before we met. Heck, I loved myself a lot. We had our own lives before we met. We had our own interests, hobbies, careers, friends. I don’t want to ever feel like (or worse, actually do it….) I have to ever abandon those things once we’re married. I’ve seen women give up friends, hobbies and things in their lives that made them, well, them and happy. And, Sweetpea, as much as I’ll love you, I hope you can understand that I can simply just never do that.
Honestly, and please don’t take this the wrong way, as much as I’ll be head-over-heels in love with you, I’m always going to love myself a bit more. Does that sound evil? I just mean that I’m never going to give up or sacrifice the abundance of self-respect I have for myself.
And really, I hope you’ll feel the same way about yourself. It doesn’t mean we don”t love each other. It’s just that we never lose sight of the people we were before we were together, the people we are (separately) once we’re married and if for some reason, things should end less than happily ever after for us, I still want to know who I am without you. The void I’ll feel if we someday part ways? I want it to be a void from missing you, not a void because I’ve forgotten who I am, have somehow lost myself along the way and have no idea how to be a person apart from you.
I hope you’ll understand. Maybe this is also a vow for both of us.
Gosh, why am I actually tearing up a little bit as I’m writing this? I’m listening to dance-y pop music, and I’m almost crying. What is up with that? If you were here right now, I’d ask for a tissue or root beer. But you’re not, so excuse me while I go get one myself. Oh, and that’s another vow you should be aware of. We drink Barq’s root beer. Nothing else. It has to be Barq’s, OK? Until we meet…
[Photos via Simply Bloom Photography]