Letters To My Future Husband: Letter #82

Dear Mr. Melissa Blake:

I found myself missing you last night. Are you creeped out by that statement, Sweetpea? OK, I’ll admit I found myself a little creeped out by those feelings, too. It was just one of those nights last night that was perfect for doing a little contemplation: It was raining buckets, full of roaring thunder and striking lightning. I’ve always been prone to thinking during spring storms, which, I suppose, is something else you should know about me.

But anyway, back to my question: Can you miss someone you’ve never met?

I was lying under the covers last night (Yes, I’m sure you wish you were there, too…), and this question just kept rolling around in my head. It’s sort of a stupid question, though, isn’t it? My cynical side says, “Are you crazy. How can you miss someone? You don’t even know if he’s out there.”
So I tell that cynical fool to shut up for a minute, and let the romantic side have its say. Of course it goes something like this, “Of course you can miss him. You should miss him. The absence of his physical presence doesn’t make the love that’s there any less, does it?”

Well, honestly, I’m not sure. Is what we have here back in 2010, a time when we’re not even a we and are still just a you and a me, even love? Could it be described as love? I’m not sure. But I do wonder if you miss me, and I’m secretly hoping you miss me quite a bit. I sometimes secretly want you yearning for me, a tugging at your heart so strong, yet you can’t figure out exactly what it is you’re missing. But you do know, for sure, that you’re missing something. You feel an emptiness of sorts. You’re not unhappy, no. But you’re definitely looking for something.

Hint: That something is probably me.
Yet as bad as it might sound, Sweetpea, part of me doesn’t want to miss you. In fact, I hate it that I do miss you so much sometimes. I don’t want to miss something I don’t even have. I don’t want to be that girl, you know? But then I still want to believe in the fairytale. I’m not sure I can have it both ways. Or maybe I can?

Maybe it’s not so much about me miss you, but about me looking forward to meeting you and starting our life together. Does that make sense? Because it is possible to look forward to something that hasn’t happened yet. I look forward to summer vacation (Only one month away now!), to using my two ebay gift certificates (Get ready for my shopping habit, Sweetpea…) and to someday seeing my name in the pages of Glamour magazine (Oh, yes, it will happen…). Those are things I envision for my future.
None of those things have happened yet. But does the anticipation of them happening diminish them in any way? Nope. So how about that’s how we look at us, OK? As something to look forward to…something that makes us smile. That’s not such a bad thing after all, is it? Until we meet…

P.S. I’ve declared this as Letter Week, so look for a new letter from me every day this week. You’re very, very welcome. xoxo

[Photos via We Heart It]