Remembering My Dad.

It’s been 7 years ago today since my dad died. I’m spending a lot of time reflecting over everything that happened that day…seems I do that a lot, but more than ever, I’m replaying everything in my head today. Those photos are of my family and me when we went to New York City for the first time in 2002. It’s bittersweet to look at those photos now and know that that was the last trip we ever took together. Two months later, he was diagnosed with sinus cancer, and another four months after that, he killed himself.

You all know about my anger toward my father. You’ve read about it in countless posts. And while, yes, I AM angry at him today – angry for leaving the family he supposedly loved more than anything, angry that I never got a proper chance to say goodbye – I know that under all that angry bravado is a daughter who is wounded and deeply misses her father. I may deny it, but not a day goes by that deep down in my heart, under those layers of anger, I just miss him.

I wish you were here, Dad. I miss you. And I’m sorry.

P.S. Time is so precious and short, so spend as much of it with the people you love while you have the chance.


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Comments

  16. I Love You More Then... says

    I love how honest you are.

    I recently found this quote and now seems as perfect a time as ever to share with you. "An important way to cope with grief is having an outlet, be it interpersonal, be it artistic, that will allow you to not have to contain your grief, but will give you an opportunity to express it, to externalize it to some degree." -R. Benyamin Cirlin

    To me it seems like that's what this blog is for you & I'm glad you have a way to express yourself because I enjoy reading every minute of it.

    Reply

  20. The Cottage Cheese says

    Oh sweetie, my thoughts are with you. I cannot begin to imagine the scope of your loss and the emotions that come from it. You are such a strong, intelligent woman, but it's nice that you aren't afraid to show your vulnerable side.

    Reply

  25. The Girl In The Frame says

    Melissa,

    Yesterday I was watching a movie and one of the characters says "I've learned so many things about life, but the most important one is that you need two things to be truly happy: love & forgiveness"
    Your dad loved you, never forget that 🙂

    Reply

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