TO: Men all over the planet
FROM: Melissa
RE: What to expect?
DATE: February 22, 2010
A reader posed this question to me last week…
I agree, no one should have to lower their standards, but there is something to be said for being more realistic with your expectations? There are very few “princes” riding around on white horses looking for women to marry. You are going to have to put yourself out there and do something that makes you uncomfortable at some point. I look forward to reading when you take action instead of making believe.
Boys, boys, boys. I honestly don’t know how I can get this through your heads: My expectations are nothing that you can’t live up to. I know you can. I have faith in you. I’m not asking you to fly me to the moon, to buy me sets of diamonds and pearls or even take me on an extravagant romantic getaway to Paris. Who says that all fairytales have to be grand, full of pomp and circumstance? They don’t. The entire allure of a fairytale is because it’s your dream – whatever that may be – coming true. For you. It could be a whirlwind European romance (not me), or it could be watching the sun set and sharing a glass of root beer (SO me, isn’t it?). I won’t ever apologize for believing in fairytales, especially my own.
I’m an independent and content girl, and honestly, I don’t need any of that to make me happy. But what I do need is for you to make me happy. Isn’t that really all anyone wants from another human being? To feel that chemistry, that spark, that lightbulb moment?
I don’t know. Maybe that scares you? It shouldn’t, and if it does, I suspect that reflects your own insecurities. I can’t exactly help you sort out that kind of baggage.
But, I do fail to see how these expectations are too much to ask…
*A respectful man
*A responsible man
*A man who doesn’t give excuses for everything
*A man I can talk to who won’t judge…and might even find my sense of humor funny (dare I add charming… )
*A man who makes me laugh and smile
*A man who lets me be who I am
Now, that doesn’t seem like such a grand demand, does it? I know he’s (or I guess I should say you’re) out there somewhere, and I will find him (you someday. And if I don’t, well, at last I’ll still be able to make myself laugh. xoxo
P.S. And who says a guy with a disability won’t ride up on a white horse for me someday? Come on!
[Photos via happythings]
Julie says
I don't think anyone could have put that any better. Great post (as usual)!
Faux Trixie says
A responsible man? GOOD LUCK!
bsmithhill says
Not asking too much at all–very well-said. You will find him.
Post Grad Hair Cut says
I really love this part:
'I don't know. Maybe that scares you? It shouldn't, and if it does, I suspect that reflects your own insecurities. I can't exactly help you sort out that kind of baggage'
Exactly.
Melissa Blake says
thanks for the kind comments. I'm learning to be more direct…does it show?
Silvia says
All I have to say is you go girl! Your expectations are anything but unrealistic, and they are what things that everyone deserves in a relationship. If somebody honestly thinks that you (or anyone with these expectations) are asking for too much, then they clearly have issues. Don't let those little people get you down. You will find your "prince charming" and he will be better than anything you could have ever dreamed of.
Anonymous says
I do not believe the reader meant to suggest the reason men shy away from you is because you expect too much. Rather, most men
expect their sweethearts to have use of their legs. You are correct, it takes a rather unique individual to see past such a glaring
disability. Almost all are not accepting. On a conscious level you must realize that. You are almost 30 and have not had your first
date. Or kiss.
Melissa Blake says
I highly doubt that ALL men expect their girlfriends to have use of their legs. Come on, Anon. Really.
The Style Mansion says
Well Queen Melissa, some of my guy friends were having this conversation a couple months back. One guy said he would totally date a a girl with a physical disability. His view was that he could see past it and eveyone needs love! Whilst another guy said he would not.Another guy said that if his girfriend ever became disabled in any way he would stay with her. My best friend has a disability which the doctors have said will eventually leave her in a wheelchair. She has limited mobility right now. She is married and her husband loves her soooo much!
Melissa Blake says
Great stories, style!! xoxo