My mother and I got into an interesting debate last weekend. We usually have similar beliefs on many issues, but I was surprised to learn that when it comes to the topic of things that are unforgiveable in relationships, well, let’s just say our views are quite different. Who would have thought that my mother would end up being the romantic, free-spirited one, and I would be the one taking a hard, firm line. The only two things she was emphatic about putting on her unforgiveable list: An abusive (physical and emotional included) and a criminal.
Excuse me? Was this woman willing to put up with everything, or what? You know me, friends, and I’m nothing if not solidly armed with my own list of unforgiveables, imcluding but not limited to:
*Uncomfortable, intolerant, or otherwise insulting toward people with disabilities
*Cheaters: this includes both emotional as as well as physical infedelity.
*liars (As my Twitter friend Beth says, “Lies are lies no matter the size”)
*abusers
*lazy layabouts
*mental manipulators
*criminal
*disrespecrful and self-absorbed
So tell me, friends, what’s on your Unforgiveable List?
Boys, if you do any of the above, you’re gone. That’s just the way it has to be. And don’t think I won’t turn up the speed and come after you in my wheelchair, either.
[Photos via let’s be happy]
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Jaime says
Bad hygiene, being rude to my friends or family, cheating! To name a few… lol
Apryl says
Your list just described most of my ex's….weird…
miss lucille says
i think having a long unforgivealbe list is not opening yourself up to true love. if you truly love someone, you'll want to work with them and want to help correct their faults. of course something like abuse is your sign to get out of the relationship, but that still doesn't mean you shouldln't forgive them. forgiving is not saying "its okay that you did this" its saying "i'm a big enough person to be able to not hold a grudge against you" and move on. cheating can break you're heart, but i've seen relationships bounce back from it as well. everyone has a moment of weakness, wouldn't you want to be forgiven for yours? things like being lazy and self-absorbed are personality traits that can be worked with and probably changed, they aren't things to be unforgiving about. – i see your point, but in my eyes nothing is unforgiveable. its just up to you to find it in your heart to rise above the situation and forgive. – now if we were talking about when to end a relationship, that'd be a different story, but even then, working with someone is about love, commitment, giving and taking, and stretching yourself.
🙂
Helena - A Diary of Lovely says
it's difficult to say until you actually face whatever it is… criminal and abuser are top on the list though
♥Aubrey says
Great list…i've definitely got to agree!!!
Cheaters never prosper…
Liars always get caught…
And manners are a MUST.
Saltina says
Well said Miss Lucille. I second her sentiments.
Gabby says
I definitely agree with your mother that abuse and criminal acts are unforgivable…but I also like what Lucille said. I personally right now don't know if I could forgive someone who cheated on me – but I know couples who have moved past that and have a loving relationship now.
Silvia says
Hmm, my only truly unforgivable things in relationships are abuse (emotional/ physical), cheating, and criminal acts (although, it really depends on the nature). I think that there are shades of gray with many other things and I know I've broken up with people for less, so it really depends on the situation.
Brigitta Ryan {duo} says
agree with your mother. really.
I feel you list is too broad.
At some point, most people have done or been something on your list, even if its just for a second or for a week.
I have lazy tendencies, others tell lies and I think at some point we're all a bit self absorbed.
You're pretty much ruling out everyone (sort of).
Melissa Blake says
ok, maybe my list is too broad…but the disability one is a MUST! 🙂
Cafe Fashionista says
So basically your list covers all the bases of what is unforgivable in my book. Though I must add one more…users and hangers-on – the people who pretend they like you to get ahead in whatever field, or to use your connections. I can't stand people like that. I won't tolerate them. :/
Melanie's Randomness says
Cheating and then wanting me to be his friend after cuz he's now with the girl he cheated on me with. I can't deal with. I can't be the friend after 4 years. I just can't.
my name is lauren. says
i've never really thought of my list of unforgiveables….
thankfully i've got myself a pretty great husband.
before we were married i probably could've given you a bigger list, but now that we are, i can honestly say there are very few things i would leave him for.
i would say physical abuse would probably be the only thing.
even infidelity i would try to work through. not saying it would be easy, but i would try my hardest. getting back the trust would be the toughest part, but i suppose anything worth having is worth working at, right?
anyway, that's my list. small as it may be :).
Ansley says
Love this post. Now I'm tempted to find out what my mom says!
I think cheating might be the only one on my list. I'd feel like they didn't really like/love me if they were willing to do that. Hm…
I'm sure I'll think of something else later 🙂
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Erin Riley says
Melissa, what an interesting list that you have! You've got a very firm belief in what is forgivable and what is not. I used to be like you, but I've realized that things happen and you can't control it. Sometimes, you have to forgive the other person if you really want things to work out.
Here's my list
-bad hygiene
-drug usage
-major lies
-cheaters
-bums
-abuse of any kind
moonlight lovers says
love, as great as it can be, are sometimes blind. moments of doubts can clear the way for some.
Melissa Blake says
what a great quote, moon! 🙂
Anna Liesemeyer says
well now that I am married, I look at it differently.
I agree with Lauren, that I would try to work through most difficulties. Love and patience can work miracles, however I am not blind to the fact that some people never change….and if he was an abuser…see ya lata.
Your list is definately rational…and I wouldn't tolerate any of those one bit!
You have great questions for us readers!
The Drifter and the Gypsy says
I'm definitely more like your mom than you haha. If you love someone, you have to overlook their bad points and see more of the good in them. If you point out kindly that you don't like him being rude to your friends or what have you, if he is a good person, he should respect that and change his ways.
seesaw designs says
i love that top photo…
Sadako says
Being a jerk, putting me down to make yourself feel better. And being cruel to animals!