Tales From The Trenches: Tale #19

Today’s tale comes from Alex, the brains behind The Urban Dater, a love and relationships blog from the male perspective. Hope you enjoy what he has to say about that all-elusive honeymoon phase of relationships. As always, email your tales to mellow1422 [at] aol [dot] com. Your tale could be featured next week! xoxo

Relationship Grace Periods. Do They Exist and if so how long?

Hmm. The title reminds me of that naked kid asking the Owl how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie pop. I think the same vagueness that encapsulates the answer to the Tootsie pop question also applies to relationships and the honeymoon period. I know, I know… I’m a weird guy, but stay with me here.

There is obviously no one right answer and it’s different for everyone. Literally, everyone. Sure, sometimes this grace period lasts for a month, maybe six months… Maybe up until a couple up and marries, finally. There’s no rhyme or reason on the timing. What it comes down to, though, is when a person becomes comfortable enough to speak their mind and, perhaps, stand up for themselves and opinions/desires.

Case in point: Recently, with this woman I’m seeing, Lacy, we’ve run into some issues. We’ve been together almost six months in a casual relationship. So far, it’s been great; that’s not to say there haven’t been confrontations, but they were minor at best. The issue that we ran into centered around hanging out on a Saturday. I had been laid up due some eye issues, so I couldn’t go out and drive. Lacy, however, did reach out to me and tell me that she wanted to hang out, but I held off because I wasn’t sure how I’d feel. Well, Saturday came and I felt great. I suggest to Lacy that we should, in fact, hang out. She agrees. I tell her this around 3 p.m. She gets back to me and says, “Well, I can be there at 7 p.m.” About 6 p.m.rolls by and she sends me a text saying, “Yeah, I haven’t left yet…it might be 8 p.m. or later…”
Or later, huh? Well, I wasn’t super thrilled about that. I wanted to see her, after all! Ordinarily, I would have been cool about it, but it had been a while since we’d seen each other, so when it became clear that she was going to be late, and unsure of how late, I got pissy about it. I suggested to her that we just hang out on Sunday as she was apparently more tied up doing what she was doing. I didn’t get a response, so I called her. We talked and, where I would ordinarily be fairly cool about things, I just let her know what I was thinking. That being as late as she was didn’t tell me that hanging out was all that much of a priority and that keeping me waiting wasn’t a big deal.

Okay, now I know I sound really high maintenance here and, well, like a spoiled brat. The following day, I did own up to that, and we were able to talk it out and get through it and things were good again… Though, it was clear that the skirmish didn’t need to happen to begin with… Or did it?In retrospect, telling her how I really felt, even though I was being an ass, was a necessary evil. Why? I feel it was necessary because it did open up our lines of communication more than they had been previously. It also allowed for a conversation about our relationship and where things were going and things that, well, irked us about one another; that was a super productive conversation in my opinion, and I don’t know if we would have had that conversation if not for the spat had about hanging out. At least not until much later.
My conclusion here is that it takes me about six months to get to the center of the relationship “Tootsie Pop.” Is there a right time or an ideal time? Sure! When you’re ready and not one minute sooner, screw that Owl that bites to get to the center on his third bite: he’s a show off anyway! Jerk!

Until next time, if your man gets pissy with you, slap him.

[Photos via We Heart It]