TO: Men all over the planet
RE: Hidden meanings
DATE: November 9, 2009
OK, boys, I’ll cut right to the chase this morning. Why? Because this question has been nagging at my little brain all weekend, and I’ve been unable to arrive at any discernible conclusion (shocking, I know, right?).
The burning question: Do you consciously put subtle subtexts behind everything you say?
Really, I’d like to know. Now, I’m not talking about those obvious sorts of statements like “We need to talk” or “The doctor said it’s not contagious, I promise.” I may not have much experience with your kind (yet…), but I’m not that stupid; I know the meaning behind those sorts of statements.
But this statement threw me, to say the least.
I actually had some guy (OK, in the name of full disclosure, the guy was Mr. Wrong), in response to how his weekend was, tell me the usual: went to a party, blah, blah, blah.
Oh, and at the end, he kindly tagged on the friendly message that he met a great girl too.
Is this some weird mind game you like playing with me, boys? Are you just trying to make me all sorts of jealous? Jealous about my impending Spinster status? Jealous of your wild weekend while I spent my time writing about Sesame Street for my newspaper column? Jealous that you’ll probably never realize that I should be (and already have been) that “great girl” you met?
So what exactly was the meaning behind your response? Did you say it on purpose? Because you know I have a really, really bad tendency to over-analyze and over-obsess, and frankly, that’s exactly what I’ve been doing for most of the weekend.
And…what’s so great about that girl anyway? You just met her, so how can you know she’s so great anyway? Does she have magical powers or something? No, I’m not talking about thosesorts of powers; those aren’t magical, honey, I’m sorry to say.
In the meantime, can you please refrain from telling me such ambiguous things that just make my head spin around faster than the possessed girl in The Exorcist? I’d really appreciate it. Thank you.
[Photos via Audrey Hepburn Complex]