Disclaimer: In the interest of full disclosure, I’d like to make it very, very clear from the beginning that these are my own opinions, made in an attempt to process the events of last week. I am a writer, after all. It’s the only way I know how to do things.
Do you remember when I posted the guest blog by blogger David about his thoughts on why men are reluctant to date women with disabilities?
Do you remember my essay on TheFrisky last month?
So when David posted his response to my on his own blog, I was mad, and you all know it takes a lot to get me mad. I can usually just let things roll off my back pretty easily. After I’d left a few not-so-nice comments, I thought about it, and realized something. I wasn’t really mad at David (after all, I can’t begrudge him for being honest, just as I was in my original essay).
What exactly got me all hot-and-bothered? Oh, just the little 86 comments other people left. I won’t post any of them here because, frankly, a lot of them are downright demeaning (example: the phrases disabled chicks or disabled girls was used a few times).
I did some good soul-searching and thinking over the weekend, trying to absorb all those comments. What I realized? I was really irritated with these observations I found scattered throughout those 50+ comments.
Here’s a summary what they had to say, along with my take, friends. What do you think? Am I getting too worked up over the ignorance of some people?
BIG QUESTION: Why is it OK – even commendable – for a guy to be honest, but when a woman speaks her mind, she’s condemned for it? Anyone see the obvious double standard here?*
I FOCUS TOO MUCH ON MY DISABILITY
This one came up more times that I care to indulge. I’m sorry that this part of me makes you so uncomfortable. Would you prefer I just slip it under the rug and pretend it doesn’t exist? Would you tell an able-bodied person to hide any piece of themselves? Guess what: My disability, whether you like it or not (I’m assuming you don’t like it), is a part of who I am. It’s a piece of the puzzle that makes up the person I am. Of course it’s not all there is to me, but it’s part of my identity. The least you could do is recognize that instead of being ignorant and turning a blind eye to it. And if any guy would choose to go out with me only after I stopped acknowledging that white elephant (read: my disability), well, I’d slap him so hard that he’d end up in the next galaxy.
I ‘LIKED’ LIKED DAVID (AS A REASON FOR ASKING HIM THE QUESTION….)
What is this, elementary school? No, I didn’t have a crush on him. I wasn’t trying to woo him with my words. He’s a guy. I wanted a guy’s perspective. Simple as that. Heck, I’m just a reader of his blog, and he lives across the country. If I can’t turn guys’ heads in the Midwest, Lord knows I’m not going to try and do it from 2,000 miles away. Frankly. no guy is that worth it.
A GORGEOUS GUY CAN HAVE ANYONE HE WANTS
Remember Adonis?* Narcissus? Greg Brady (aka, the Casanova of Clinton Avenue)? All those guys thought they were God’s grand gift to man. They weren’t. But apparently, David is the second coming, at least in the eyes of some of his readers, who fawned and prattled on endlessly about how awesome his honesty was.
‘MY PEOPLE’ USE OUR DISABILITY AS A CRUTCH
How sad is this tidbit of ignorance? That’s like saying. I’m not even sure I know what to say to that other than this: Please refrain from characterizing me based on the one or two people with disabilities that you know.
“WE TRIED GIVING YOU ADVICE”
Little old me with the poor disability should just keep her mouth shut and not have an opinion? What was I thinking? How on earth did I ever survive before you all came along to steer me in the right direction. Do you come with a GPS system?
So let’s review the moral of my little tale, friends: I’m sorry if you think I talk about my disability and the supposed reasons men won’t date me far, far too much. Maybe you didn’t read the about me section in the sidebar, as it states clearly that this blog is about my life, my disability and my search for love. If you can think of a way I could get around not discussing those things EVER, please do let me know.
I’m just now trying to find my place in this whole crazy world of love, so yes, I’m going to ponder and question and muse on some key issues that face me. And if it seems like I’m always talking about it, well, then, maybe it just means I have more processing to do. There is nothing wrong with that.
Maybe it does seem like I can’t get past my disability sometimes. Honestly, the entire thing is a work-in-progress. You’re seeing the work right here every day on this blog.
And, really, should I ever have to get past my disability? Sounds a bit ignorant to me, expecting me to hide and mask a part of who I am. I’ve said it before that, yes, my disability isn’t the only part of me (just like being Asian or having brown hair) isn’t other people’s defining characteristic. But my disability, whether you like it or not, is a part of me. There’s simply no denying that. Anyone who would expect me to deny it isn’t worth my time.
Just like David, I’m going to continue to be honest. I’ve always vowed to be honest and real. I never promised it wouldn’t get depressing sometimes. That’s real life. This is my story, and no one else’s.
*A sidenote to all the Adonis’s out there: You may think you can have any girl you want, but you’ll never have this one. Confidence is sexy. Thinking you’re God’s gift to the female species isn’t. Maybe you’ve never been turned down before. Maybe you are the re-incarnation of Narcissus himself. Either way, it’s quite sad when the pretty wrapping paper is more attractive than what’s inside?
P.S. David and I exchanged emails, and all is good with us now (at least, it looks that way from my end). No hard feelings, right, David?