Well, seeing as how the term post-breakup implies there was a breakup which in turn implies there was a relationship which in turn implies there were at least two people in this relationship, you’ve probably guessed by now that I am indeed not speaking of my own relationship; OK, besides the one-sided ones that play out in my head.
Anyway, so here’s the situation. I’ll just lay it all on the line like I usually do: Remember Cute Guy Friend? You know, the one who maybe, sort-of, from my end led me on just a bit, until I realized he had a girlfriend. Apparently, I was his girl friend, not his girlfriend (a very key distinction, apparently). Anyway, like the semi-stalker/gawker that I am, I’ve taken to checking out his Facebook page every once and awhile – though more often when I think of everything I wanted us to be one fateful summer (cue sappy movie music).
What should I find last week? He and said girlfriend are not longer an item. Done. Finished. As in, her status is now “In A Relation With… not Cute Guy Friend.
And that, my friends, is precisely when I became a tiger. No, that’s not my stripper name. No, it’s not the name I go by when I stand on my corner on a hot Saturday night. I mean I wanted to pounce. Pounce. Pounce. Pounce. Damn, I mean, I really wanted to pounce. I’m sure you know the feeling…you sort of want to make your move quickly and go in for the swooping kill.
In other words: I was that girl. The girl who wanted to prey on the helpless man with a recently broken heart. The man who, for all intents and purposes, has always seen me as a friend. The man who is unbelieveably sweet, funny, charming, the smart lawyer type.
Do you see my dilemma here? I’ve been practically binding my hands together to stop myself from emailing him. Right. Now. It’s just…so…tempting. The way I see it, I have a few options.
1). Send him an email pretending to be my nochalant self, asking him how he’s doing and saying we haven’t connected in awhile (no, not connected in that way…). In said email, perhaps I’d drop a few hints and see if I can get him to confirm alleged breakup. I would remain at my utmost coy and subtle, of course.
2). Send him an email, but keep it strictly short and friendly. Maybe throw in some small-talk about work or the weather (can you believe the summer is over?…) .
3). Do nothing like I always do.
So tell me, those who obviously know more than I do about this sort of thing: What’s the protocol here? How shall I go forth from here?
xoxo,
[Photo via Deerlings & Ghostthings]
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Katherine says
I would suggest just sending a friendly e-mail. You don't know how upset he is about the break-up, if there is any possibility they may get back together…I think its best just to play it cool.
K @ Blog Goggles says
Ooh, do number one! You have nothing to lose, so why not message him? Just make sure not to get your hopes too high – go into it with completely open eyes. You never know what might happen!
Amanda in NYC says
i agree with katherine — you need to play it cool. i would suggest trying to hang out with him soon so you can get the dirt on the break up and gauge his mood in person.
Jenny says
I would love to give you an answer to this dilemma, but it is one that I have been faced with too many times myself."To email/text or not to email/text"
My rational self would say don't do it, but my hopeful side would tell you to definitely send the email.
Elle Ce Ce Nabs says
I would suggest that you do none of the above and just "bump into him" somewhere in a club or restaurant that he goes to often and then gauge and see what better possibilities lie therein with him and if not you walk away and
Elle Ce Ce Nabs says
never look back….no loss!
Aya says
I think the second one is the best choice. If the first email goes good it will lead to more emails, and then maybe he'll open up about the break up!
Damsels says
second is best .
leah says
Hey Melissa,
Ok, judging by everyone else's comments I'm not sure you'll like or agree with mine but here goes…
Please don't email him!! I'm going to be blunt because I wish someone had been with me. If he has said in the past that the two of you are just friends then I would take his word on that. Men usually have a habit (and not always a good one) of being brutally frank about what they think.
If it’s been announced on Facebook that he’s now single, then the real reasons behind even the most casual and nonchalant of emails from you are going to be obvious. Dropping hints and accidentally bumping into him? Isn’t that just playing games?
I know there are couples out there who have got together after such situations and that’s cool! It’s stories like that, that reassure me that I’ll meet someone. But it’s also stories like that which make us dive into rebound situations and end up getting hurt.
You may totally disagree with me but I say this because I think you (and us all) deserve better.
I’m outnumbered in my opinion, so if you do decide to email him, at least let the dust settle first. That way, your nonchalant email is more likely to come across as genuinely friendly and well meaning.
Let us know how it goes!
Leah X
PS, ‘tiger’ had me literally in stitches with laughter!
Viewtiful_Justin says
Number One.
Sandra says
I agree with Leah. I know it's tempting to want to pounce, but let's face it, getting into a rebound relationship walks a fine line as usually people just want some comfort until they are done grieving and then they move on.
Of course you don't want to ignore him completely when he might need a friend, but giving it some time before writing to him might be the best. Good luck in whatever decision you make!
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