TO: Men all over the planet
RE: The Education of A Virgin
DATE: September 14, 2009
I’m not so sure the good administrators at my dear old high school were the brightest bulbs in the box? Why? They made me take Driver’s Ed when I was a sophomore in high school even though I would never drive. So I learned about roads and speed limits and construction-ahead signs in theory, spending my nights pouring over a textbook full of charts and diagrams.
Now, I know exactly what you’re thinking. What could this driver’s ed class talk possibly have to do with my virginity? Quite, a lot, actually. More than you silly boys might even think at first.
You see, the only difference between my classmates and myself in those Student Driver cars? They got to drive the car. I didn’t. They got to push the peddle to the metal. I didn’t. I don’t think that’s much of a difference, do you?
I knew the nuts and bolts of it; I knew those rules inside and out. And lest you think I’m sitting in a dark corner wearing a dunce cap, I know plenty about what goes on between the sheets. See, there’s this misconception that virgins are truly virgins. They don’t know anything. They don’t ever think about it. They’re completely clueless, and to play off our lovely car metaphor, they never even think of opening the hood to see what all the fuss is about under there.
That woman was sharp as a whip. Think virgins don’t know anything? She wrote some of the greatest love stories ever. Mr. Darcy, anyone? Yep, I’ve always had a huge crush on him too.
Check out some great Jane Austen inspiration…she knew what she was talking about, didn’t she?
It’s smart to show a man that you are interested in him, provided that your enthusiasm is in equal proportion to his.
Showing someone you like him is a good thing, as long as you’re getting from him at least as much as you’re giving.
With men he can be rational and unaffected, but when he has ladies to please, every feature works.
If you play with men’s feelings, you will sabotage the possibility of forming a good relationship.
Fall for someone who has the same values and goals as you do.
So, see? Don’t assume that just because we’ve never romped between the sheets means we don’t know how or want to…someday.
I’m sorry, boys, that you’ve been misinformed. Because, while us virgins obviously have never experienced certain things, that in no way means that we’re not educated, that we don’t know everything you know; heck, I might even know more. I’m sure I know a lot more than you think I do. And, of course, remember: It’s ALWAYS the quiet, silent ones you have to worry about. Those are the people you’d least suspect to know anything, but they just might end up knowing the most.
And just so we’re all clear, boys: You won’t be privy to just how much I actually do know until we’ve got that marriage license in hand and you’ve signed on the dotted line of the pre-nup. Don’t worry…I’ll have the pre-nup and a flashy pen on hand. I’m not the sort of girl who takes chances, remember?