MEMORANDUM
TO: Men all over the planet
FROM: Melissa
RE: The Education of A Virgin
DATE: September 14, 2009
I’m not so sure the good administrators at my dear old high school were the brightest bulbs in the box? Why? They made me take Driver’s Ed when I was a sophomore in high school even though I would never drive. So I learned about roads and speed limits and construction-ahead signs in theory, spending my nights pouring over a textbook full of charts and diagrams.
Now, I know exactly what you’re thinking. What could this driver’s ed class talk possibly have to do with my virginity? Quite, a lot, actually. More than you silly boys might even think at first.
You see, the only difference between my classmates and myself in those Student Driver cars? They got to drive the car. I didn’t. They got to push the peddle to the metal. I didn’t. I don’t think that’s much of a difference, do you?
I knew the nuts and bolts of it; I knew those rules inside and out. And lest you think I’m sitting in a dark corner wearing a dunce cap, I know plenty about what goes on between the sheets. See, there’s this misconception that virgins are truly virgins. They don’t know anything. They don’t ever think about it. They’re completely clueless, and to play off our lovely car metaphor, they never even think of opening the hood to see what all the fuss is about under there.
And, thankfully, other people know it too. Take Jane Austen, for example, who died at age 41 — and a virgin. Doesn’t this book, Jane Austen’s Guide To Dating, look lovely?
That woman was sharp as a whip. Think virgins don’t know anything? She wrote some of the greatest love stories ever. Mr. Darcy, anyone? Yep, I’ve always had a huge crush on him too.
Check out some great Jane Austen inspiration…she knew what she was talking about, didn’t she?
It’s smart to show a man that you are interested in him, provided that your enthusiasm is in equal proportion to his.
Showing someone you like him is a good thing, as long as you’re getting from him at least as much as you’re giving.
With men he can be rational and unaffected, but when he has ladies to please, every feature works.
If you play with men’s feelings, you will sabotage the possibility of forming a good relationship.
Fall for someone who has the same values and goals as you do.
So, see? Don’t assume that just because we’ve never romped between the sheets means we don’t know how or want to…someday.
I’m sorry, boys, that you’ve been misinformed. Because, while us virgins obviously have never experienced certain things, that in no way means that we’re not educated, that we don’t know everything you know; heck, I might even know more. I’m sure I know a lot more than you think I do. And, of course, remember: It’s ALWAYS the quiet, silent ones you have to worry about. Those are the people you’d least suspect to know anything, but they just might end up knowing the most.
And just so we’re all clear, boys: You won’t be privy to just how much I actually do know until we’ve got that marriage license in hand and you’ve signed on the dotted line of the pre-nup. Don’t worry…I’ll have the pre-nup and a flashy pen on hand. I’m not the sort of girl who takes chances, remember?
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Anonymous says
It's the blogs like this that really show how uneducated you are about certain things. I know you have good intentions, but it just does not come across well in blogs like this.
Melissa Blake says
I'm sorry you have to go through life not being able to enjoy humor.
Lins says
Wow, Anonymous…let's play by the Golden Rule here "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all."
Melissa, I love this piece especially how you related it to driver's ed and the part about checking under the hood is brilliant. I felt the same way when I was a virgin. I'm one of those people who likes to do research. And let me tell you that being educated about it makes a big difference when you get down to actually doing it. Don't let scaredy cat Anonymous here get you down. I am a big fan of your work and wish that I had even a smidgen of your talent!
Ms Jessica Maria says
WOW! way to be a jerk anonymous. Melissa I loved this post!
Anonymous says
All I meant was that nobody likes a know-it-all. You may think its cute, but it is not becoming.
Lins says
Not to start a feud in your comments, Melissa but I can't help but respond to this. I very seriously doubt that the intention of this post was to put out there that Melissa Blake is the sex guru of the 21st century. There is definitely a stigma toward virgins that paints them as being completely innocent and uneducated about sex which is rarely the case. She was simply debating a stereotype and doing so very well. I think you need to take your negative comments elsewhere. This is a place for people to express their feelings and opinions and you have no right to pass such harsh judgment especially when it's not warranted. My motto regarding my blog is "if you don't like it, don't read it." Perhaps you are just having a bad day or read too much into this posting…I don't know, but you've made your point. Again, sorry Melissa, this just set me off!
Anonymous says
"This is a place for people to express their feelings and opinions…"
You just explained exactly what I'm doing. lol. Not everything in life is going to be positive. I'm really not even being that mean, but apparently nobody reading this blog has ever heard anything remotely critical in their lives.
LiLu says
Mmmmmmmmmm. Colin Firth.
Lins says
Anonymous: You are going beyond constructive criticism into the land of name-calling which is unnecessary. Nothing sets me off more than hearing someone tell another person that they are uneducated..it's ignorant and says more about you than the person you are referring to.
P.S. Melissa, sorry again..it's that Irish temper of mine.
Anonymous says
If "know-it-all" is a bad name in your world, then I'm just worried for you. I'm done now, I don't want anyone else catching feelings.
Sandra says
Personally I think when you write anything which the public can read, you open yourself up to comments from all walks of life, with all sorts of different opinions. Some of them we don't like, some of them we do. Instead of coming down on people because they don't agree with something I've said, I prefer to find out why they don't agree and engage in conversation rather than condemn their opinions simply because I don't like what they've said.
Anyway. I'm a 24 year old virgin. By choice. It has nothing to do with sex before marriage or having obstacles that would prevent me from finding a partner as easily as some other people. It simply has little to no appeal to me. I don't pretend to know a lot about sex or what goes on between the sheets. That doesn't necessarily mean that I don't THINK I know what I might like or dislike. Truthfully, the imagination can only go so far. So we can imagine what might be good and what might not be good, but when it comes down to actually experiencing all things sex, it's totally different.
I think a lot of sexual knowledge is based on intuition and the fact that human beings are hardwired to have sex and have a need to reproduce. But let's face it, some people are just not good at it. Just like some people just are not good at kissing.
I tend not to worry about it. Most people who I tell that I am a virgin to don't believe me anyway, so I don't really make a big deal about it. Besides, I think there's something nice about being viewed as innocent. I take great pride in it.
Melissa Blake says
Wow, this post got heated. Really didn't mean for that to happen. And Lins, don't worry — you'll learn to ignore the ignorant anonymous. He comes here every so often with this sort of dribble; I've learned to just laugh it off.
xoxo
I says
The sole fact that this person remained anonymous to give that kind of "criticism" is beyond the standards of stupidity. Ok Mel, I have to admit that I found a little bit awkward read about you and sex, but I mean, come on! You are a human being, it's natural, and it's not exclusive of just a few people. Like Anonymous, ha!
Loved how you related it to the whole driving thing. And I totally agree with "It's ALWAYS the quiet, silent ones you have to worry about." And also the other way around! I had this ex gf who was a crack and loved to party and stuff, but didn't know a thing about sex.
Melissa Blake says
Ivan…I didn't mean to make you feel awkward. See, I am way too honest! 😉
Melissa says
Haha, I'm just like you Melissa… and yes, it IS the quiet silent types people ought to watch out for!
Loved the car analogy– so very true. Just because we haven't had sex doesn't mean we don't read Cosmo. I mean, come on! In our culture (well, American culture at least, can't speak for others), sex is EVERYWHERE. And unless all of your friends are virgins and/or prudes, they WILL talk to you about sex. So yes, I've heard and seen plenty… and like Melissa, although it's never happened, it's not like we're walking around like ditzy girls just waiting for someone to 'teach' us. Please!
beth♥ says
Bravo you! So… I have bestowed upon you the Zombie Chicken Award. Laugh! Please do. It is funny. Pop round my blog for a description! Cheers!
Melissa says
I have a couple "Jane Austen" advice books, and they're usually pretty good. I just wish the men read them and followed her advice!
logans run says
Love your writing and your views mind you never got further into her work than "Pride and prejudice with zombies".
magnoliaamber says
Well, Melissa, well done. You express yourself and this is your blog…
I don't understand what 'being uneducated in certain thing' have to do with your post, really.
I don't understand why such a harsh comment could be posted, but…
I like your post for sure. Bingo.
Hollehh says
Anonymous, I really did have time to read through all the comment because I'm In my business communication lesson, but
i really love this peice, I think its very true, that virgins are totally misunderstood.
As a virgin i can totally relate to this peice and its totally true, I know quite abit about sex and I do want to have sex, but only when I'm ready, so please, if you have anything but nice comments or Constuctive Critisim, keep it to yourself.
Melissa: brilliant blog, love it (:
Anonymous says
I loved this post. I'm 24 and still a virgin and although I grew up in a highly Mormon populated town, the older I got, the more people questioned me about it. I will save myself for marriage and I'm hoping my future husband too. But just because I'm not "sexually active" doesn't mean I've never heard of it or wondered about it. People can be so ignorant about virgins.
Cindy says
… and then you talk about being too good of a girl. I'm not buying it! You're awesome! Great post and very honest indeed:)))
PS. I love it when people supposedly stand so strong in their criticism but REFUSE to show their face and post anonymously. Really classy…!
Lily says
All of your posts are very interesting and I applaud your willingness to put your history and your views out into the open. I have noticed that the most vehement criticisms you receive are from men. I was wondering if you, too, had seen that pattern. As, in some posts, you seem to want to reach the male population specifically (i.e. letter to my future husband, memo to men), do you think there might be a more effective way to communicate? This, of course, is only meant to be a help to you. If you find my question unhelpful please disregard it. Cheers!
Melissa Blake says
Thanks, Lily! I can be quite intimidating sometimes….