TO: Men all over the planet
RE: Honesty IS the best policy, right?
DATE: September 22, 2009
I’m usually a happy, peppy person, but lately, I’ve been getting so down and pessimistic and feel the strong need to rant (that, or I’ll probably blow up at someone who doesn’t deserve it). In the last few months, so many people I know are getting engaged or AT LEAST in happy and loving relationships. Love is in bloom all around me like the first buds of spring, and I know it sounds petty and childish and YES, I know there are so many other horrible things going on in the world, BUT….
I AM TIRED FEELING LIKE I’M NEVER GOING TO FIND THE ONE. AND WHAT’S WORSE, I FEEL LIKE MEN CANNOT FOR THE LIFE OF THEM LOOK PAST MY DISABILITY.
Since when is it such a bad thing to have a disability? Does it really have to be such a turn-off and a deal breaker. It’s like I’m sporting a Scarlett Letter around my neck telling every guy within a 10-mile radius to take cover. The girl in the wheelchair is coming. That’s how I’ve felt my whole life. The girl in the wheelchair. That’s all I am. Every time I’ve even been remotely interested in someone, everyone looks at me like, “Oh, you could never have a chance with him” It’s like my disability has robbed me of my womanhood and overshadows everything about me – my good qualities, my desires, my attributes, my ambitions.
But I just want to scream to me – everyone, really – that, “There is more to me than my disability.” It’s not that I’m trying to hide or deny my disability (which, for obvious reasons, is rather hard). I’ve fully accepted that I do have some physical challenges, and I’ve worked hard to overcome them. But I’m just like everyone else. I want to get those butterflies before and after the first date. I want to get to know a guy over candlelight and talk and talk and laugh and laugh all evening. I want to get a surprise bouquet of roses with a heartfelt love note attached. I want to know what it feels like to fall in love – and have that love reciprocated. I want to fantasize about spending the rest of my life with someone. Heck, I want to meet someone and immediately know, “He’s The One,” I see all these couples around me in love and I can’t help but get a little misty eyed, thinking that will NEVER in a million years be me. Do I even have a shot at love?
I’m sick of falling in love with guys and seemingly being invisible to them. I think people assume I’m OK with being invisible because I’m so quiet and display such a positive attitude to the world, but inside, I just want what everyone else has. All my life, my family has told me how “cute” I am, but you know what? At 26, the idea of cute get a wee bit old and you want something more. Is it so hard to think that I could be desirable to someone? Is it so bad that I want to feel and be attractive? That’s not such a crime…
We all have our own disabilities; mine’s just available for the whole world to see.
I’ve accepted who I am. Why can’t the opposite sex do the same?
Now I’m not asking you to make a huge worldly sacrifice here. I’m not even asking you to enter into some long-winded romance with me. I’m simply asking you to give me a chance, as if I was just any other girl, because that’s all I am. Just like any other girl.
Don’t you want to see for yourself? I could end up being the love of your life.
[Photos via ffffound]