Letters To My Future Husband: Letter #43

Dear Mr. Melissa Blake:

I know we’ve discussed my blatant inability to socially comprehend the foreign language of pick-up lines before. I often wonder if we’ll meet through one of your icebreakers or one of my clumsy advances. But I’m just going to say this right now. There are some pick-up lines that are, well, how should I say this?

Drop-dead lines. Yes, that’s how I’ve come to view some of the doozies I’ve heard over the years; naturally, I heard these words whispered in the distance since obviously, the mystique of the world of pick-up lines has always baffled me. Where did they come from? Did some ancient Monks looking for some outside action write them down during their meditation time in the old days? Or maybe our Romantic Romeo, Sir Shakespeare, used them on his lady love?

Wherever they came from, they don’t work with me. They don’t work when I try to muster the courage to use them on a handsome stranger (remember the cute guy in the computer lab — yup, never saw him again and I didn’t even talk to him. He probably would have issued a restraining order against me had I talked to him….). And no guy has ever tried to slip one past me. I figure there are literally thousands of choice phrases out there to lure in a potential lover.

But I’m sorry. In your case, the so-called classics? Nope, they’re never going to work on me. You drop one of those pick-up lines, and I’ll just as soon leave it on the floor.

But, you can always use these disability-friendly pick-up lines. Remember, I’ve gone over these before, Sweetpea.

I’m thinking of making little cards to hand out like business cards with these disability-friendly pick-up lines on them….

1. Why haven’t you rolled into my life before?
2. How fast does that thing go? (I’m talking about the wheelchair here….)
3. I’d carry you to the water’s edge if you asked me to.
4. Is it true what they say about redheads? (Answer: YES!)
5. You’re one in a million; no wonder God made you so unique.
6. Is your mind as hot as that wheelchair?
7. I feel sorry for the guy who breaks your heart; you’re liable to break his legs.
8. You drive me crazy.
9. Has anyone ever told you have the most precious delicate hands in the world?
10. Tell me the story behind those eyes.

You lay one of these on me, and I just might (*might*) let you buy me a rootbeer (yes, you heard that right. A rootbeer, not a diet rootbeer). See? You’re making me wild already. Until we meet…