Letters To My Future Husband: Letter #38

Dear Mr. Melissa Blake:

I’m sitting here on a sunny Monday morning in the middle of September and for some random reason unbeknownst to me, my mind drifted to the topic of our wedding. Well, more specifically, to the topic of my wedding dress, since that’s clearly the most important item on our wedding checklist, right? Don’t worry. We’ll find you some sort of penguin sort to wear.

But, anyway, did we talk a lot about what we wanted our wedding to be like? Please don’t tell me it was just one of those quickies at City Hall. No? Good. And Las Vegas? We didn’t run off and let Elvis and a turn-my-hand-green wedding ring bind us in holy matrimony, did we? Whew. Looks like we really dodged a bullet there.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not the sort of girl who’s been buying Modern Bride magazine since she was 10 and cutting out all the pretty dresses, carefully placing them in some keepsake notebook to someday show her future wedding planner (just so we’re clear, I’m not going the wedding-planner route, either, so don’t get your hopes up, Sweatpea). I actually never really gave much thought to my wedding day until a few years ago. I figured that as long as we were there (and yes, that does in fact mean that you’re attendance at this sacred event is mandatory). No, a cardboard cut-out of yourself won’t suffice. I want to kiss your lips, not get thousands of paper cuts here. Nonetheless, I do want a medium-sized wedding — not too big, not too small, not too fancy, but not table-cloth, picnic-table laid-back, either?

In short: I won’t be a Bridezilla (is that show still on in whatever year you’re in? I swear, some of those women either went off their meds or need to be on stronger dosages; there are more catfights than two ladies of the night fighting for one lonely lamp post). But, I’m not going to leave everything to chance, either – I do have lots of pride, remember? Of course you do.

To that end, what do you think of these sorts of dresses for my wedding gown. Now granted, we’ll need to keep in mind a few things, seeing as I’m not your “traditional” bride. Hell, I’m not your “traditional” anything, but that’s why you fell in love with me, right? That’s it, nod your head….oh, I can see we’re going to get along splendidly. Now about those things we need to keep in mind:

1. I’m disabled (well, I’m sure you already knew that), and am actually quite short. The last time I check, I was just under 4-feet tall. So of course these dresses will need to be custom-made to fit my beautiful wonderland of a body.

2. My wheelchair is sort of a fixture in my life (that is, unless they’ve cured my people by the time we get married, but even then….well, that topic is for another time and another letter), so we’ll have to find some awesomely cool way to work it into my walk down the aisle. I’m thinking of adorning it with pink flowers and confetti and outfitting it with something that will play that tune you hear in the Deep South when people honk their horns. How funny would that be as I came rolling down the aisle?

Either way, what do you think of these dress options? I know, I know. They’re a bit old-fashioned, but then again, so am I. It just fits….well, not literally (refer to bullet point #1 for a recap). I’m pretty sure I could totally knocked our guests’ socks off pretty easily if I sported one of these beauties!

[Photos via MuchLove Anna]