Editor’s Note: I received some email last week regarding my Virgin Monologues series, so I thought it only prudent to re-post this ahhhh-mazing (no pun intended) series for all my lovely new readers. Enjoy!
Yes, as in virgin virgin.
No, I don’t use this line at parties as a way to sound hip or cool, though I am both hip and cool.
Newsflash: I’m content with that. Dare I even say, I’m a bit proud of standing my ground and not being ashamed with MY CHOICE?
A recent interview between Marie Claire magazine and Jessica Valenti, author of The Purity Myth , got me, how shall I say this, a bit hot and bothered – and not in that way, if you catch my meaning.
Why is it such a taboo for a woman to be a virgin?
Why does she (read: me) feel as though she constantly has to explain herself: why she’s a virgin, the reasoning behind her choice, whether there is something “wrong” with her, when she plans to “seal the deal”?
Why on earth does she act so damn righteous about her choice?
Worn out yet from all the questioning?
And worse yet, why does everyone else feel the need to formulate a reason? Does it somehow make them feel better about themselves if they can concretely explain us, the supposed freaks of nature? Do they need to feel superior?
I don’t sit around trying to justify why some people do the Bedroom Rumba before others do, so I ask you: What gives others the right to join in on the crusade to make the term virginity such a bad word in our society? Here’s what I’d like – and I hope I speak on behalf of all virgins out there. You’re not alone; well, unless you’re in bedroom, but again, that’s your choice, for you to make, to decide what is right for you:
Don’t judge: Just stop believing the stereotypes. Please. It’s just getting old, and quite frankly, a bit sad. No, I’m not a member of some church cult (I’m actually anti-church, thank you). No, my disability isn’t the reason. I don’t think that my being a virgin makes me “pure” or any of those other crazy terms floating around out there. And I’m definitely not some repressed girl with family issues. In fact, I think I’ve heard ’em all, so no other “far-out” stereotypes people make would surprise me anymore. Sorry to disappoint you on that one.
Be respectful: Here we are, back to that word choice again. Need I remind you that it is my choice? You can never understand a person or her life until you’ve walked in her shoes (or in my case, taken a ride in my wheelchair – no, that is not some coy euphemism). I may not agree with your choices and you may not agree with mine. That doesn’t mean we should still respect each other.
Don’t be afraid to ask: Obviously, I don’t walk around wearing a T-shirt that says “Living Virgin” with an arrow pointing upward to me, though that would probably give me some funny looks, wouldn’t it? Come to think of it, it’s almost worth doing just for the comic value alone.
Back off: I think this one is self-explanatory, both to the anti-virgins out there and to guys in general.
Will I end up being a real-life 40-year-old virgin? Who knows. Do I care? Hell no.
[Photos via oh, hello friend]