TO: Men all over the planet
FROM: A concerned citizen
RE: Your “uncomfortableness” with disabilities
DATE: August 3, 2009
So I found this interesting site as I was browsing the Big Old Web (an activity that has become the equivalent of a dating life, I suppose) and came across GirlsAskGuys.
EUREKA, I thought to myself (I figured actually shouting it out loud, in public, might get me one glare too many); it was sort of like stumbling upon my own sociological study opportunity. So, I signed myself up and posted this question – the site allows you to post your most perplexing love and relationship questions and get feedback from other members.
My question (you can probably guess what I asked): Why is a woman’s physical disability such a dealbreaker for guys??
Now, I didn’t actually expect anyone to respond, but by the next day, I had these messages from guys waiting for me.
I don’t know exactly what type of disability you have, but I can tell you my story. I dated a girl when I was younger who was missing several of her fingers. It never bothered me and I always held her hand anyways. Whenever she asked me what I thought about it, I simply told her “if this is the way this old earth brought you into it, then you are perfect the way you are.” And you know what? I’m still crazy for her and I would never change her for anything. I guess the point I am trying to make is that it is a really shallow world out there, but you can find some truly deep souls, and when you do, they won’t care what body your spirit holds. Just stay confident in you and don’t give up.
As a guy I can speak on general guy thoughts. It really is up to an individual to determine what your story means to them.
On the whole, most guys can see past the disability. The key is the age factor. Men mature a lot slower than women. Things like intelligence and deep connection take longer to develop. Their teenage thoughts of physical beauty and attraction get reinforced every single day in the commercial world of make believe. Sadly, some men never leave this ideal ( as some women too). I would say most men have a point in their lives where being comfortable with their choices in what makes them happy can overcome some areas of unknown. Disability being one.
For me, I think I did not appreciate the human spirit until I was 28. I can tell you I have friends who will never reach that place. I’ve also had other friends that made that transition sooner than me. Before then, I was only concerned with my success and those things that could be perceived from it. Now that’s not to say I was a cold unfeeling person, far from it! But I could not understand how to be happy with myself and those choices that make me happy. It simply took time.
My biggest advice is stay yourself and don’t let others tell you otherwise. He is out there. There’s no doubt you have an uphill battle at first blink BUT I swear to you, good men (not boys) fall in love with personality and deep connections. The rest of chemistry takes care of itself.
So, guys, it looks like you’re not all as bad as a certain guys. Thank you for re-instilling me with a small glimmer of hope! At least for now….but you know I’m always watching.
[Photos via We Heart It]