TO: Men all over the planet
RE: The Book of Love
DATE: August 27, 2009
When I was young, I used to listen to that ’50s boppity song “Book of Love” with raptured attention. And like a child, I took it in literal terms. There really was a book out there that held all the questions about this crazy little thing called love, huh? A book of Frequently Asked Questions? That seemed like a handy, dandy little book. I just had to get my hands on it. Not that I was much interested in love then, but I figured it would be something I could at least show off to all the cool kids at recess.
Obviously, I never did find said book. As a result, I’ve amassed quite a long list of “love questions” over the years. Maybe a few more questions than I care to admit, but here are The Top 5…
Is there such a thing as The One?
I’ll admit: I used to be a staunch believer in this one (although you probably already came to that conclusion by now). The whole idea that my soul mate was out there, somewhere in this big, wide world, and we were just waiting to meet each other (well, have fate bring us together, actually) sounded like the perfect fairy tale. EVER. Now I’m not so sure I believe that there’s just ONE person meant for you. I still believe in fairy tales, but more of a modified, modern one – Princess Charming included.
How do you know you’re in love?
Will it be the equivalent of the Big Bang Theory in my heart, with my blood pumping and pulsating and just all-around overflowing with joyousness? My mother knew she was in love when she found all my dad’s quirks cute instead of annoying (trust me, those quirks were indeed annoying!). And my grandmother married my grandfather after dating for less than a year, right before he was shipped off during WWII. So maybe it’s something you just have to dive into and access the terrain as you go – beware of prickly thorns, though!
Is a first kiss really that powerful?
I’ve never heard so many adjectives used to describe a single verb in my life: explosive, jaw-dropping, exquisite, magical, overpowering, gorgeous. Is it really fireworks and all that like everyone would lead you to believe? I love how they portray kisses in movies, usually under a street lamp at night or on a train platform. Such a dramatic lead up (a long, heartfelt speech, or, in other cases, an agrey screaming match) and then a passionate kiss. With my luck, those supposed fireworks would turn out to be misfired nuclear weapons. We’re talking on a scale of mass destruction here.
Are you really allowed only one of Cupid’s arrows?
If this is true, then I’d like a refund, Cupid. I think my arrow got stuck in the trees or something. Oh, and does that Love Potion #9 come with free refills? Also, is there some sort of punch card or savings club I could join? You know, buy 4 glasses of Love Potion and the 5th one is free. Could be a good marketing move, too, you never know.
Will I ever find love?
I’m attractive on the inside. I know that. So why, then, does that never feel like enough? And who’s ever going to find me one ounce of beautiful?
So there you have it. Yet I’m not sure: Should I go searching for it, or let it come to me? I’m thinking my endless searching hasn’t proved too effective in the past, so I’m figuring I should set up camp on my back porch, glass of apple juice in hand, put my feet up and wait for my qurky other half.
What about you? What questions have filled your “Book of Love”?